FIRE JOE MORGAN: Dibblemania!


Where Bad Sports Journalism Came To Die

FJM has gone dark for the foreseeable future. Sorry folks. We may post once in a while, but it's pretty much over. You can still e-mail dak, Ken Tremendous, Junior, Matthew Murbles, or Coach.

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Wednesday, July 06, 2005



More dispatches from a place called Dibble Time (yes, this is a parody of the slogan "a place called Miller Time"):

"To me, it doesn't matter, the suspensions are a joke, if guys want to cork bats or spit all over the ball, or get a better grip on the ball, let 'em, that's just part of the game, but 10 games off hurts your team as much as the player, so take money not games."

> What? So if a player cheats, his team shouldn't be penalized at all? This makes no sense. Also, that sentence has eight commas.

"I had a teammate, I won't tell you who he is, but he put K-Y jelly on his gums, but very rarely loaded one up, he went to his mouth after every pitch, and he drove Roger Craig crazy because Mr. Craig though he was cheating all the time."

> What's the point of all this, Robert? Also, five commas.

"Players would bone their bats (big cow bone, rubbed back and forth against the sweet part of the bat, or rubbing it on the sink) ...Trust me when I tell you, it was more because they loved their bat, then that they were cheating ..."

> You're rambling. It's a 442-word "article," and you're rambling. Those ellipses are in the article. It's like he's totally given up trying to organize his thoughts in any way.

"The way the Reds have played the last four years has been sad. They've led all of baseball in striking out the last four years, and are well on their way to a fifth title."

> The Reds are second in the NL in runs scored.


Why do people who insist that statistics don't matter always immediately cite the wrong statistics in the wrong way to support the wrong conclusions?

I think Rob Dibble has a learning disability.


posted by Junior  # 12:11 AM
If I were a third grader, and I were cheating, I would say the kind of things that Dibble's saying. "I don't think cheating is bad because people do it and whatever." And then I would go back to cheating, and think it was okay because I said it was okay.

I'm just saying, given that Dibble is obviously an enormous idiot, maybe he also cheated and this is his way of rationalizing.
I think it's possible that Dibble's columns are in fact generated by a Shetland pony walking on a giant keyboard.
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