Jay Mohr, that is. Thanks to reader Sal for the link to this article
You know exactly what you're in for when you start reading an article written by Jay Mohr and its title is:True calling Some guys are meant to be Yankees and some are not
Hmm. Things I'm not looking for in this article: rigorous analysis, new insights, or facts. I'm not even expecting a single interesting opinion, actually.When the Yankees failed to re-sign Andy Pettitte, my stomach got a little queasy and I sensed a changing of the guard. Pettitte, to put it simply, was a Yankee.
>> Buddy Groom, to put it simply, was a Yankee. Hideki Irabu, to put it simply, was a Yankee. Aaron Small, to put it simply, is a Yankee.You don't trade, waive or fail to re-sign guys who were born to be in pinstripes.
>> Jay Mohr, of course, being the ultimate arbiter of who is and isn't born to be in pinstripes.Wade Boggs won his only World Series ring with the Yankees, but he will never be half the Yankee Scott Brosius was.
>> Obligatory Brosius mention.Some men are just not cut out to play in the Bronx. Many thought Tino Martinez was on the express train to this list after his first two months trying to replace Don Mattingly in 1996. Now, after stops in St. Louis and Tampa Bay, a true Yankee has come home.
>> That true Yankee has come home to the tune of, quite frankly, an embarrassing .222 batting average and an OBP of .310. Is that frank enough for you?True Yankees are born, not made, and for some, such as Paul O'Neill, they just happened to have had a long layover in another city before realizing their true calling.
>> Obligatory Paul O'Neill mention. And Mohr still hasn't named one thing that makes a guy a true Yankee. Not one.I doubt if anyone in Chicago is wondering if Joe Girardi was a true Cubbie. Yankee fans won't have to think twice while reading this because a synapse has already fired off in their brains reading out "Yankee."
>> Obligatory Joe Girardi mention. Still no criteria for true Yankee status.
Here is a list of players who are not Yankees compared to guys who were born to be Yankees:
2B Tony Womack -- should have been -- 2B David Eckstein
3B Alex Rodriguez -- should have been -- 3B Eric Hinske
SP Randy Johnson -- should have been -- SP Pedro Martinez
>> Amazing, amazing list. Eric Hinske? Eric Hinske??
Eric Hinske 2005 WARP2: 1.7
Alex Rodriguez 2005 WARP2: 6.7
The Yankees would lose five games in the win column with the old A-Rod-Hinske straight-up trade. Probably worth it for the intangibles, though.
There are other guys floating around the bigs who don't realize yet that they have the potential to be "True Yankees." Let this article serve as a memo to John Lackey, Coco Crisp, Chris Capuano, Jason Bay, Ryan Drese, David DeJesus and Dontrelle Willis. Your invitations are waiting, we have the money and you can thank me when you are all trying on your rings.
>> That is the most random, crazy list of players I've ever seen.
Still no criteria for what makes a true Yankee.
Oh. The article is over.
I would say that Jay Mohr should stick to comedy, but no one wants that either.
Labels: jay mohr, scott brosius, true yankee, yankees