FIRE JOE MORGAN: A Call to Arms

FIRE JOE MORGAN

Where Bad Sports Journalism Came To Die

FJM has gone dark for the foreseeable future. Sorry folks. We may post once in a while, but it's pretty much over. You can still e-mail dak, Ken Tremendous, Junior, Matthew Murbles, or Coach.

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Friday, March 31, 2006

 

A Call to Arms

A challenge to you, the FJM reader:

Do you like numbers? Are you a nerd who's ever used a computer? Have you ever checked a baseball player's so-called "statistics"? Then you have a chance to meet the King of Nerds himself, Mr. Joe Morgan. How, you ask? By winning ESPN.com's fantasy baseball league. Yes, that's right, the winner of this competition for pimple-faced shut-in nerds who went to MIT will get to meet history's greatest second baseman. You'll also take home a plasma TV and a crappy phone. Presumably, when Sir Morgan meets you, he will call you a sissy who lives in his parents' basement and accuse you of programming the computer that wrote Moneyball. Dreams can come true!

So: I urge you, the FJM loyalist, to enter this competition and win it outright. Keep in mind, as the frontpage reminds you, "Minor League Players Need Not Apply." I'm quite confident that if just a few thousand FJM readers play, there will be a small but statistically significant chance that someone who hates Joe Morgan will win the prize. Plus, you guys are nerds, right? You're awesome at fantasy baseball.

Also, there's this: "A grand prize will be awarded to the top overall team in rotisserie leagues as well as to the top overall team in head-to-head leagues, regardless of whether the teams participate in an 8-, 10-, or 12-team leagues." It seems to me that you could really rig this by getting eight of your friends together and have seven of them agree to sabotage their own teams. The eighth guy's team, consisting of Victor Martinez, Albert Pujols, Chase Utley, Michael Young, Alex Rodriguez, Vladimir Guerrero, Manny Ramirez, Carl Crawford, and David Ortiz on offense, and Johan Santana, Pedro Martinez, Chris Carpenter, Jake Peavy, Roy Oswalt, Mariano Rivera, Brad Lidge, and Francisco Rodriguez on his pitching staff, among others, would probably do pretty well.

This gigantic cheater would seem to have a pretty good chance at meeting Joe Morgan. Bonus points for wearing a soon to be available (?) FJM T-shirt when you shake his hand.

It occurs to me now that custom leagues made by groups of people who know each other likely aren't eligible for prizes to prevent this very scenario from happening, but I'm not going to bother to check the rules.

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posted by Junior  # 2:30 PM
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