FIRE JOE MORGAN: Joe Morgan, Paraphrased


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Wednesday, August 30, 2006


Joe Morgan, Paraphrased

I was delighted to happen upon a chat between Messrs. Dan Patrick and Joe Morgan this morning on the radio. Here now, a series of Joe Morgan Paraphrased Points I listened to this August 30th morn.

JMPP #1: Derek Jeter is statistically inferior to Alex Rodriguez, but by standing on the field, he inspires confidence in his teammates.

Joe is something of an A-Rod apologist, but even he can't help but recognize the majestic aura surrounding the Captain. Funny thing is, this year may be the first that Jeter is actually statistically more valuable than his teammate. Joe began by admitting that others accuse him of "not valuing the home run" as much as he should, but that Jeter does, yes, "all the little things" that help a team win. And A-Rod, by implication, does not. Then, the coup de grace: simply by standing on the field, Jeter wills his teammates to have confidence. No wonder Chien-Ming Wang is pitching above and beyond his expectations! In contrast, when A-Rod stands on the field, his Negative Energy Rays sap his teammates' strength, leaving them pathetically Bruce Bannerish in the face of adversity. Sorry, Randy Johnson!

JMPP #2: Joe is asked why, when Barry Bonds hit two home runs and robbed the Braves of another in the field, he was not celebrated enough. Joe somewhat peevishly replies that "for some reason, we've pushed Barry aside."

Okay, so that wasn't really a paraphrase. I'm ninety percent sure those were his exact words. Certainly I didn't misremember the "for some reason" part. The reason is steroids, Joe. Barry took steroids. I know you didn't personally see Barry inject himself, so you can't comment. But it's true. Then Joe went on to lament that at the Little League World Series, not one kid picked Barry as his favorite player. It just goes to show you: eleven-year-olds are smarter than Joe Morgan. (Barry Bonds is one of my favorite players.)

JMPP #3: Dan wonders aloud whether Joe Girardi should be the NL Manager of the Year. Joe's pick is Willie Randolph. Why? Because not only is his team in first place, he manages in New York, and we all know that people who manage in New York, for instance one Joe Torre, never get the credit they deserve.

He actually said this. Believe me. Never mind that Joe Torre is widely heralded as one of the greatest, if not the greatest, manager in the game today. Never mind that he's twice won the Manager of the Year award. Never mind that HatGuy always sculpts his ice cream sundaes into the shape of Joe Torre's face before devouring them. Joe Torre. Doesn't get enough credit. Because he manages in New York.

There's more. Joe Morgan discounts what Joe Girardi has done because all his team has done is win a few games in an era where -- you guessed it -- there aren't any great teams anymore. And as if it wasn't obvious enough why Joe is picking Randolph (and Leyland in the AL), he lays it all out for us: Joe is still angry that his manager with the Reds, Sparky Anderson, didn't get enough credit because people were always saying he had the best talent.

To be honest, I don't really care about the Manager of the Year award. Let's just go with Joe's method: always choose the manager of the team with the best record. Why not?


posted by Junior  # 1:53 PM
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