FIRE JOE MORGAN

Dude, his name is Scutaro. That has "scoot" in it. He's a scooter. He scoots along the bases. He's a grinder. A throw-back. A little waterbug. He has heart and he hustles. He's a small guy with a big-time heart. Why can't you or your so-called "statistics" see that? You take all the Nick Swishers and Frank Thomases you want, for MVP. I will take a team of 100 Marco Scutaros, and a few skateboards and some beanies with propellers on the top, and I will out-throw-back your team of statistically superior, "better," "good" players any day of the week.
 

Also, sorry if my posts aren't that funny -- I'm not feeling well. I think I might have caught speed from Endy Chavez. If you have infectious-grade speed, you really shouldn't come to work.