A couple of people have e-mailed and asked me to s...

2006-05-14T18:12:00.000-04:00

A couple of people have e-mailed and asked me to speculate on what Jim Bowden's side of the Brian Cashman phone conversation was. I have checked the transcripts, and will transcribe the complete recording here:

"Hello?"
"Hi, it's Brian Cashman calling."
"Hey, Brian. How are you?"
"I'm great, how are you?"
"Been better, actually. I had that DUI thing, and the team is barely--"
"Great. Hey...I'm interested in Soriano."
"Oh. Well, he's kind of our best player right now, except for Nick Johnson, so I doubt we'd be interested in trading him. (mumbled) Although, what the hell do I care?"
"Uh huh. Well, I understand, but how about this: first off, you can choose any of our excellent AA prospects. And believe me, there are a lot of great players down there."
"Heh heh heh. Nice one, man. (pause) Oh, sorry. You were serious. Um, no, thanks."
"Wait -- you didn't let me finish. Plus, we will throw in Melky Cabrera."
"Belky Cabrera?"
"Melky -- with an 'M.'"
"Oh. I though you said 'Belky.' Like that Bronson Pinchot guy."
"Oh, right -- from 'Perfect Strangers.' I think that's 'Balky.'"
"Whatever. (sound of ice cubes rattling around martini glass heard in background) Have you been watching your own team, BriGuy? Did you see Belky blow that game at the Stadium the other day?"
"Uh huh. Yes, I did see him drop that pop-up against the Sox the other day, but he's really..."
"We don't need Belky, man. We need like...everything else. But Belky...he's not going to do it for us."
"Uh huh. Okay, forget him. How about Kevin Reese."
"Who? Devlin Cheese?"
"No, Kevin. Kevin Reese. We just called him up. He's great -- he has a .712 OPS at AAA this year.”
(Long slurping noises can be heard. Pause. ) “You know, I used to think it was impossible to make a good martini with French vodka.”
“Uh huh. Okay.”
(More slurping noises) “But Grey Goose – I gotsta give it up.”
“And here's the best thing -- he's only 28 years old!"
“He’s 28, huh? Listen, Brian – I’m not very good at my job, so I rarely get to say this, and I’m going to take the opportunity. Ahem. Are you trying to insult my intelligence? Man, it feels good to say that, just once.”
“No, of course I am not trying to insult your intelligence, I just...”
“I gotta go, man. I have a meeting with the new owners, and I only have twenty minutes to get drunk enough to dull the pain of my imminent firing.”
“No, wait. Before you hang up, let me tell you about a little guy we like to call Bubba Crosby, and his lifetime .311 SLG.”
“What’s Slugging Percentage?”
“This 29 year-old phenom has really established himself -- "
(Dial tone)
"Hello? Hello?

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A couple of people have e-mailed and asked me to s...