FJM has gone dark for the foreseeable future. Sorry folks. We may post once in a while, but it's pretty much over.
You can still e-mail dak,Ken Tremendous,Junior,Matthew Murbles, or Coach.
When I tell you people that the reason we haven't posted more is because we haven't found that many good articles, I'm not kidding. We thank you for the links you send in, but more often than not they are little snippets instead of whole chunks of good ol' fashioned goofballness. We prefer the latter. However, in the spirit of...something...here's this weekend's Trite Snippet of Bonedumbiness:
Fox Saturday Blechball (that's the Mad Magazine parody of "baseball"). DBacks/Dodgers. Your announcers are Mark Grace and Josh Lewin. Your hitter is David Eckstein. Commence blechitude:
Lewin: David Eckstein jumps away from [an inside pitch]. He's been kind of a World Series Good Luck Charm himself. He's been there and made a difference with teams with red in their color scheme before, with the Angels and the Cardinals.
Grace: It's hard to win multiple rings, but Eckstein has done that.
All by himself, is the insinuation.
He's just a...he's a guy that just...everything he does just helps you win baseball games.
Except for hitting and fielding.
He's not flashy. Just a tough, scrappy out.
Lewin: A couple years ago, Sports Illustrated polled major leaguers, they asked, "Who gets the most out of the least?" And the runaway winner of that question -- 62% of the players -- said it's this guy, David Eckstein.
Grace: He just finds a way. He's smart. And you don't say that about too many ballplayers. [brief interlude, joking about how Mark Grace is a "genius."] But this is a smart ballplayer, he knows, he studies -- he knows his opponent. Great work ethic.
[wild pitch sends the runner to third with 2 down]
Lewin: We talked about Eckstein, who is listed as being 5'8".
Whoa whoa whoa whoa. It's my understanding that he is 5'7", 165. This I know to be true in the same way that I know the sun rises in the East. Now you're telling me that he's 5'8"??????
He cops to being 5'6".
[KT's brain melts]
And Mike Scoscia has said "5'3" of that is probably heart."
If this is true, it's a serious medical condition, and he should not be exerting himself.
After his first inning groundout today, I believe David Eckstein is 0-10 and has not hit the ball out of the infield.
If I am wrong about the "out-of-the-infield" part, please don't email to correct me. I would prefer to live in blissful ignorance.
*UPDATE, from Dan (who got there first of like 50)
Eckstein just got the bloopiest of bloop doubles. Paul O'Neil immediately said, "Eckstein will get those kind of hits, cause he is the type of guy who just battles up there."
If Eck goes on a gritty 57-game hit streak, he knows who to thank.
It's back again. And here's what we definitively learned from day one of the 2008 MLB Season: Nothing, dummies. It's a small sample size.
So instead, let's gallimaufry it up.
Several readers sent us to this article, which contains many of my least favorite words:
The Blue Jays felt like they needed an infusion of gritty players, the type who can spell the difference between winning and losing in tight games, and they believe they've added those pieces in third baseman Scott Rolen and free agent shortstop David Eckstein.
Rolen is going to cost them $12m this year, and he's already out for a few weeks with a screw in his finger. He turns 33 in a few days, and has played in 310 games in the last three seasons. But: he's gritty. Boy oh boy, is he gritty.
Eckstein is: Eckstein.
"When they take the field, they're both always on the ground," Gibbons said.
That's how fucking professional these dudes are. They obey the laws of gravity no matter what.
"They give us a toughness that I think we need."
They -- the left side of your infield -- will give you 800 AB combined and 15 homers, if you are lucky. (Did I mention Rolen had 8 HR in 112 games last year?)
Wells, Toronto's star center fielder, likes the idea of having Eckstein drive opposing pitchers batty with his knack for fouling off pitches, making contact and getting on base out of the leadoff spot.
For the ever-growing record, Eck saw an average of 3.64 pitches per AB last year, tying him for 317th on the list of all NLers with, among others, notorious hacker Jacque Jones. N.B. that fucking Roy Oswalt had a 3.76. You want a lead-off guy to see a lot of pitches and drive 'em batty -- go with Roy.
The proverbial five tools for position players -- hitting for average, hitting for power, defense, arm and speed -- are covered throughout the survey [of MLB scouts], in one way or another.
Only one player really scored high in all of the above: Ichiro.
Really. Hitting for power. Huh.
Ichiro career: 67 HR in 4782 AB.
The panel of scouts rated him tops in all of MLB in the categories of Best Hitter, Best Bat Control, Best Outfielder, Best Arm and Best Baserunner. He also rated second in the categories of Best Bunter, Fastest Runner and Best Basestealer.
He also won Best Personality, Best Dancer, Girls' Choice for Brother, and Cutest Stubble. He is tearing things up at Central High, people! Rumor has it, this saucy little import has grabbed the heart of none other than Clarissa Prettyface -- Cheer Captain and Improbable Virgin -- and he is not letting go! But what will happen when her boyfriend Jock Fisterson finds out?
"You could put Ichiro down for almost everything -- best arm, best outfielder (when he wants to be), best basestealer, best hitter, and he could hit 50 home runs if he wanted to, but he'd rather get his 220 hits and bat .330," said one scout.
You guys don't get it. He's awesome. If Ichiro wanted to, he could play basketball and probably be like the best ever. So I voted for him for 2-guard in the NBA All-Star Game this year. He could fucking fly if he wanted to. That's why I put him down for "Best Bird Imitator." If Ichiro felt like it, he could totally discover important things about gamma ray bursts, which is why I voted for him for the Cal Tech Fellowship in High-Energy Astrophysics.
[Extreme side note. While poking around the internet looking at gamma ray burst articles and black hole articles and things -- part of my mandatory mom's basement/nerd study program -- I came across this article, which discusses the High Energy Astrophysics Division (HEAD) of the American Astronomical Society (AAS).
HEAD-AAS.
Why would you acronym yourselves to make HEAD-AAS?" What bunch of ass-faces.]
Diversion over. Let's take some mail, shall we? Edward writes:
In case you missed it, here's how David "I'm scrappy and pesky, and I should have gotten a 3-year deal for it" Eckstein's evening went:
1st inning: 0-1 count, lead-off groundout, setting up his team nicely with the first out.
3rd inning: Lead-off strikeout on 4 pitches, see 1st inning.
5th inning: With runners on 1st and 3rd and no outs. 1-1 count, grounds out to 1st, runner from 3rd doesn't score, though the runner on 1st does advance to 2nd.
7th inning: Runner on 3rd, 2 out. First-pitch ground-out to 3rd.
It must be said that he fielded his position flawlessly. But he did not remotely do his job as the lead-off hitter. 0-for-4, averages 2.5 pitches per at-bat, doesn't get the ball out of the infield.
Fun with small sample sizes. A lot of fun.
Adam writes:
The other day Steve Phillips said (this is a rough quote, the number is what is important): "The Detroit Tigers and Boston Red Sox could both score 1,000 runs this season."
The sheer stupidity of the statement is incredible. Now obviously anybody could score 1,000 runs in a season. Since 1900, however, only 7 teams have scored 1,000 runs in a season, with the modern-day record being 1,067 by the 1931 Yankees. Teams that have scored 1,000 runs in a season:
New York Yankees - 1,062 (1930), 1,067 (1931), 1,002 (1932), 1,065 (1936)
St. Louis Cardinals - 1,004 (1930)
Boston Red Sox - 1,027 (1950)
Cleveland Indians - 1,009 (1999)
PECOTA has the Sox at 838 runs this season and the Tigers at 849. I'm going to say neither hits 1000 (though that does seem low for the Tigers). This probably goes in the category of Crazy Things ESPN Analysts Say to Pique People's Interest in Early April, like when Krukie said RJ would win 30 games.
Michael writes in about this article from the way-back machine:
This is old, and I don't know what you can do with this, but my God out of nowhere Time Magazine talks about: Matsui's love of porn, how he trades it with the Japanese media and what a horny guy he is. How did this not instantly become something everyone heard?
Here's the relevant snippet:
Indeed, his only eccentricity, if it can be called that, is his extensive private library of adult videos. His refreshing ability to laugh self-deprecatingly about his porno collection, reporters say, is one reason why fans and even nonfans have taken to him so much. Says former reporter Isao Hirooka: "Hideki just wants to be like ordinary people."
Ordinary people do love porn. He might have us on this one, guys.
We have just scratched the surface here, but I'm afraid I will have to stop for now. I'm attending a meeting of HEAD-AAS later, and I want to make sure I'm sharp.
I saw the Improbable Virgins open for Husker Du at La Luna in Portland (OR) back in '94.
Pretty great show all in all, although they mostly played stuff from The Mostly Nowhere EP. Also closed with a cover of "Psycho Killer" which was downrighht enjoyable.
That's my new horrible pun for articles written about MLB's Tinkerbell, David Eckstein. "Arteckle." Yeah. You're welcome.
You've read this article four hundred times before, when it was written by other people. Only this time it's from Canada!
Now, you pretty much know what we have to say about Eckstein. Or, more to the point, you pretty much know what we have to say about what other people say about Eckstein. So don't feel bad about skipping over this one. I mean, I don't know why you would ever feel bad about not reading one entry on a meaningless, hyper-niched baseball blog. What I'm trying to say is: this is going to be bad for everyone.
Underdog Champion For Blue Jays shortstop David Eckstein, success forever will be measured in unexpected, hard-earned triumphs.
If it's possible to implicity dick-slap every other baseball player in the face, that's what's going on here. Are Matt Garza's triumphs easily earned? Did Yadier Molina expect to win the World Series more than Eckstein did, because he's a jerk or something? I say no. I'm calling dick-slap. (Implicitly...in the face.) It is as it has been and likely shall forever be: David Eckstein has to prove himself all over again.
David Eckstein does not have to prove anything anymore. For the past seven years, he has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he is a not-that-great-but-fine-if-you-need-someone major league shortstop. In so doing he has been given every accolade known to man, including the Flomax "Look Again At This White Guy!" Award, and the coveted Purina Premium Pet Food Lowest Ratio Of Height To Hair Wispiness Order Of Merit ("The Wispy").
He is in his usual role -- unappreciated, undersized and under a mircoscope, just as he was as a small man on the University of Florida campus.
By the end of this sentence, I forgot whether author Bob Elliot had informed that Eckstein was undersized or oversized. Fortunately, he reminded me at the end of the sentence by pointing out that he was a small man back when he was in college. Speaking of -- why do they always mention that he went to the University of Florida? So did Brad Wilkerson. Who cares?
I mean, at least tell me the guy used to be a punter. Then maybe I'd get excited.
Eckstein has proved everyone wrong and now, at age 33 and standing at 5-foot-61/2, he will try to be Mr. Reliable at shortstop for the Blue Jays and an igniter out of the leadoff spot.
Note: (a) despite having proved everyone wrong, he still has to prove himself; and (b) third mention of his tininess in the span of like 30 words.
If this were Fark we would now be accepting entries in the "Photoshop David Eckstein as Mr. Reliable" contest. We are not Fark. What's not to like about Eckstein?
Well, I wouldn't say that .356 OBP is terrible from the leadoff position, but it's not great. And certainly you'd hope for a little more -- Well, he committed 20 errors in 2007 with the St. Louis Cardinals.
Oh. Okay -- that was weird. I thought that was a rhetorical question, and I was trying to be snarky by answering it, but then you actually answered the question, sort of poorly I think, and now I'm kind of stuck here, and...fuck.
There's more, of course. It just doesn't seem worth it. I'm sure if Eck were writing this he would grind his way through the rest. Sorry kids. Maybe I'm just too tall.
KT here. Back from the hospital after the successful and unironically life-changing birth of my first child, McCarver FRAA Tremendous. (We call him "Woody," for short.) Here's a picture of me with him in the hospital:
Cute, right?
After five days, I would like to say that this parenting thing is an absolute breeze, and that I don't understand why anyone would complain. Mrs. Tremendous and I are fresh as daisies and have tons of free time. Tonight we're going to catch a show, and maybe take off for the weekend. We're thinking of going to Coachella this year, too. Could be good.
Thank you to those who have emailed various kinds of congratulations. Those of you who find articles you want us to read might want to send those dak's or Junior's way, because -- again, though I have tons of free time right now -- holding a baby with one arm while fisking sports journalism with the other is a lot for one mom's-basement-confined Kansan nerd to handle, and I am currently 400+ emails in the hole.
But you guys didn't come here to read meae culpae regarding lack of blogging time. You came here to read about how David Eckstein is small and scrappy, right? Great! Someone has finally written that article. Prepare yourselves to learn something.
The Blue Jays family tree of shortstops begins with Hector Torres in 1977.
The next branch is Luis Gomez, followed by Alfredo Griffin, co-American League rookie of the year in 1979.
...
Sorry. I just fell asleep. I'm kind of worn out. Give me a second. Okay. Here we go. What about Blue Jays' SS again?
Had it not been for Griffin's persistence and insistence, the Jays might have had to look elsewhere for their shortstop for this their 32nd season.
Mmmmrph.
...
Ah! God. You scared me. I'm up. I'm up. Okay. Awesome. I am totally concentrating.
The Anaheim Angels were scuffling through the opening month of 2001 with a losing record. Benji Gil and Jose Nieves were splitting time at short, while a white-haired, mighty-mite, 26-year-old named David Eckstein was replacing injured Adam Kennedy at second.
A white-haired mighty-mite. I know it's like his whole deal, and it's what made him famous and rich, but would you like to be called a "white-haired mighty-mite" if you were 26 and a pro athlete?
With Kennedy due to be activated and a roster move coming, Griffin, the Angels' first base coach, headed into manager Mike Scioscia's office.
"Alfredo went to Mike, said they should keep me and play me at short," Eckstein said at the Bobby Mattick complex yesterday. "He'd never seen me play short. I heard later Alfredo told Mike 'Keep him, I'll teach him how to play.' "
Thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, I have obtained the transcript of that conversation.
Mike Scioscia: Come in. (beat) Hey 'Fredo.
Alfredo Griffin: Hey Coach. Got a sec?
Scioscia: Sure. What's on your mind?
Griffin: Well, Kennedy's coming back, which means we have to make a roster move. I'm thinking we start Eckstein at short.
Scioscia: ...
Griffin: You know. See if he can handle it.
Scioscia: Eckstein?
Griffin: Yeah.
Scioscia: David Eckstein?
Griffin: Yeah.
Scioscia: ...
Griffin: What do you think?
Scioscia: (punches Griffin in the face)
Griffin: Hey!
Scioscia: Are you fucking serious?
Griffin: Yeah! I think he can do it.
Scioscia: Fredo, my kid's little league coach came by yesterday and asked Eck if he wanted to try out for the team.
Griffin: Let me just make my case. I know he's small -- barely 5'7", maybe 165 pounds -- but he's scrappy. He's also gritty, gutsy, and he hustles. He's an albino, which is kind of cool, in like a human-interest, fan-outreach kind of way. He has a lot of grit and hustle. He can't throw very well, which is a bonus, and he doesn't hit much, which is good, because we want our baseball team to be bad. He always runs to first base when he hits the ball -- most guys just jog down, or like kind of saunter. Eck runs. He's small, too, I don't know if I mentioned that. Now, granted, his lungs are too small to convert oxygen into carbon dioxide, and he has to play barefoot because no one makes cleats for dolls. But he's gritty, coach. And scrappy. And I think we should give him a shot --
Scioscia: Fredo. Stop.
Griffin: What, coach?
Scioscia: You had me at "doll cleats."
Griffin saw in Eckstein something all the king's men and all the king's horses with the Boston Red Sox did not.
Why the "all the king's horses..." trope? Odd choice. Also, the thing that Griffin saw was: a player who over his entire career has an 89 OPS+. That's right: Eagle-Eye Griffin had the præternatural 6th sense necessary to spot, from a great distance, a player who is 11% worse offensively than the average major league baseball player.
The 5-foot-61/2 Eckstein played second in the Boston organization from 1997 until he was released at triple-A Pawtucket in 2000 to make room for the redoutable Lou Merloni.
Framingham Lou, Career OPS+: 87. And please don't use the ironic "redoubtable" to draw a contrast between anyone and David Eckstein. And if you have to use "redoubtable," please spell it correctly.
Angels GM Bill Stoneman claimed Eckstein for $20,000 US, sending him to triple-A Edmonton for 15 games.
Stoneman had never seen the infielder play, but he knew Eckstein arrived at the University of Florida Gators as a walk-on without a scholarship in 1994 and left as an All-American.
But did he punt? I don't care about anyone's college sports career unless he was a punter.
Griffin, an 18-year major leaguer, has told us before he has to walk away from Eckstein to stop from hitting him ground balls.
Kiss-up.
Then Griffin would look up 10 minutes later to see Eckstein taking grounders from another coach.
Fine. Great. Admirable. But he's a kiss-up.
"They made me everyday shortstop after we lost two of three at SkyDome and I only started once -- as a DH," Eckstein said of the series against the Blue Jays.
This quote adds: nothing, to this story.
When the Angels returned to the West Coast, Eckstein was named the starting shortstop.
The boxscores from the games in Toronto show Gil had three clanks leading to an unearned run.
I don't understand this. Does that mean Gil had three hits? That he was 0-3? How did the unearned run factor in, from Gil's point of view? This is insanely confusing. My brain cannot process that sentence. I am going to stop, take a quick nap, and let my son take over for a few lines.
Despite his size, Eckstein is still a large enough target for pitchers.
grrph. ahm. sp.
He broke Frank Robinson's rookie record being hit by 21 pitches in 2001. He had 27 the next season and has been double figure in bruises each of his seven seasons.
fffff. bl.
Even his nickname with the Angels was short -- Eck -- as it rhymed with 5-foot-5 Freddie Patek, the shorty who played short for the Kansas City Royals in the 1970s.
Hey -- I have a headline for a potential article written about that fact: "Short Shortstop Has Short Nickname, Like Other Short Shortstop." That sounds interesting! Thank you for including that in your article. Fascinating stuff.
(That was McCarver. He's learning quickly. Let me just put him down for a nap and then I'll take over again.)
(Also, let me add something to what my son wrote earlier: the best you can do to prove that Eckstein is like good at baseball is to point out how often he is hit by pitches? That's weak, even by pro-Eckstein article standards.)
"He has been through it all before," manager John Gibbons said. "He won a World Series with the Angels and St. Louis. There is something to be said for winners.
Sometimes that thing is: "That guy was on a team that won something."
"He's small. He's a throwback player. He'll get on base for us and make all the routine plays."
Small? Check.
Throwback player? Well, he's white, so: Check.
"He'll get on base for us?" Check. 35.1% of the time he plays, which is not bad for SS. Of course, he has missed 84 games to injuries in the last two years, and he's no miniaturized spring chicken. He turns 33 next year, which is 57 in albino meerkat years, so expect his numbers to decline a little from their 11%-below-league-average status.
The routine plays ... ah yes. The Rogers Centre turf will be quicker than either Angels or Busch Stadium.
"If it's quicker, I'll play a little deeper, you never know until you get on the field itself," said Eckstein, who hasn't been in Toronto since 2005.
You, my friend, give electrifying interviews. Also, please don't play any deeper. It will be sad when you can't get the ball across the infield without doing one of those Eric Byrnes "run towards the target, release the ball, and Superman-it forward into the turf" things every time a 2-hopper comes your way.
Scouts don't expect Eckstein to have a problem getting on base -- he hit .309 with a .356 on-base percentage in 2007. They do wonder how he will handle the turf.
Of course, he only had 434 AB because he missed 45 games. So he only walked 24 times or something. Whatever. Eck can weasel his way on base okay for a SS, I'll give him that. The turf, however, is going to eat him alive. After which, the turf will be still be hungry.
(I just ran that joke by McCarver, and he said he thought it was 'kind of lame." I'll leave it in.)
Gibbons has said a couple of times this spring "Eckstein is our shortstop," and will not have John MacDonald as a defensive replacement/caddy when the Jays are up a run in the late innings. It is a situation worth watching.
...If you like watching incredibly boring things.
"The thing about Eckstein," Gibbons said the day the little big man showed, "is that he will never, ever look back and say 'I didn't give it my all.' "
You hate to give out year-end awards in February, but this is a frontrunner for Most Backhanded Compliment of the Year.
Signed as a free agent, Eckstein, who won every Most Underrated or Who Gets the Most of Their Ability poll we've seen, said he had other options.
He wins those stupid polls because you and your cloying, hacky brethren keep writing this same article over and over. I will also -- again -- point out that if a guy keeps winning awards for how Underrated he is, he is ipso facto no longer underrated. And as for Who Gets the Most of [sic] Their [sic] Ability, the answer is probably Alex Rodriguez. Or Pujols, maybe, or Miguel Cabrera, or maybe Jimmy Rollins, or something. They have more ability, and they get more out of it.
And by the way -- I know I keep interrupting it with dumb comments, but does this article have any cohesion or flow or point?
"This," he said, "seemed like a good opportunity. This is a team that wants to win, needs to win."
Meaningless.
I'll leave the final comment to my new son. What do you think of this article, McCarver?
Thanks to Ed, my foggy brain finally clicked into what 'clanks" refers to: (duh):
In reference to the line "Gil had three clanks leading to an unearned run", I believe the "clanks" refer to errors. Gil had three errors in the series at Toronto from 4/27/01 - 4/29/01.
However,
(a) No unearned runs were scored in the series, and (b) Elliott is not quite correct when he states "(w)hen the Angels returned to the West Coast, Eckstein was named the starting shortstop". In fact, in their first game back, on 5/1/01, Eckstein played 2nd base. He committed two errors (or "clanks"), leading to an unearned run.
From reader Eli, and the Toronto Globe and Mail, comes a quotation from the Blue Jays/Scott Rolen Press Conference:
"I believe that I am as strong and I know I feel as good and as strong as I've been in the last three years, by far," he said. "I need to play baseball and be a dirt bag."
That is the term Ricciardi used to describe Rolen's hurly-burly style of play.The general manager said it also applies to shortstop David Eckstein, who signed a free-agent contract with the Jays in December.
Ricciardi believes their moxie gives the Blue Jays hope for overhauling the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees in the competitive American League East in 2008.
"If you look at the division we play in, Boston has a bunch of dirt bags, the Yankees have a bunch of dirt bags," Ricciardi said. "We have some, but we need more."
I don't think you mean "dirt bag." I think maybe you mean "Dirt Dog," or something. Saying you need more "dirtbags" on your team is like saying, "We need more skeevy dudes who will get drunk and wear tank tops and get tattoos that say 'Born to Bone' and listen to Nickelback and try to roofee some chicks."
Also: Eckstein is on the Blue Jays! That's hilarious.
EDIT:
Aaron has sent us this article about the Long Beach State 49ers baseball team, which has a long and inexplicably proud history of being referred to as "dirtbags." (This whole debate is feeling very deja vu-ish to me -- has this happened before? ) Anyway, regardless of the fact that "dirtbags" was used to refer to that bunch of baseball players, I am going to go ahead and recommend that the term cease to be used in a non-pejorative way. I mean, dirtbags means: dirtbags. Men of questionable moral character, who wear lots of cologne and get fake tans and spike their hair and flash gang signs at the camera when their picture is taken even though they grew up quite white-ly in Dumont, NJ and think that pec size is fucking key to getting chicks and had their most spiritual moment ever at an Everclear concert in 1998 when the 'Clear played "Father of Mine" acoustic and it fucking rocked and they have a good buddy who's serving 18 months for sexual assault but he was totally innocent and someday they hope to like start their own club in Miami where the music would be awesome and there's dollar-Jaeger-shot Tuesdays and it would be fucking tiiiiiight.
I'm kind of in the zone right now, posting-wise, so let's keep it going with a little thing we like to call:
Tim writes in and sez:
Just read your comments on Woody Paige's column about the Hall of Fame and had to point 1 thing out. The "Primarily a DH" comment concerning Jim Rice irks me. Paige is making a claim without bothering to look up anything to support it.
Jim Ed played 1543 games in the OF and 530 as a DH. In fact, he had only 3 seasons in which he played DH in more games than he played the OF. 1989 when he only played 55 games, all as the DH. 1988 when he was 35 years old and past his prime, and 1977 when the other OF options were Lynn, Evans, and Yaz. Between 1980 and 1987, Rice played an astounding 41 games as a DH.
This took me 2 seconds to look up, but I guess what Woody Paige recalls about the last 2 years of Rice's career is more important than what really happened.
I would have been ok if he had just said... he never lived up to his potential, or his career was over by the time he was 34, or even ... he was a poor defensive OFer, but he went with... he was primarily a DH.
To put Rice's designated hitting in perspective, Paul Molitor played 1174 out of 2683 career games as a DH... but his hands were just so damn quick.
Thanks, Tim. I wish I had done that research. But I did not. And that's why I love the invention of the
We'll keep things going with Trey. This one is very important, so pay attention:
Just to add to the Eckstein discussion, I was the sports editor at the University of Florida when Eckstein played and I think you might reevaluate his scrappiness once you realize how many times he was hit by pitch in his collegiate career -- a school record 41 times! As I recall, he led the NCAA as a Senior and had a shot at the all-time Div. I record, but didn't quite make it.
I can't seem to verify any of this since this was just on the verge of the Internet being a useful historical tool and even now I can't really find NCAA records ... but I am certain we ran a particularly adorable cartoon with a caricature of cute lil' Eck taking a pitch in his tiny bird-sized chest and tumbling down with the caption Hitting the Deck(stein) or something like that. Even now, I can't decide the best way to punctuate that particular play on words. (Just found some UF stats -- Eck was HBP 25 times in 64 games in 1997.)
First off, I love this email very much. I love that people were ironically onto how "scrappy" Eckstein is, as far back as 1996. Second of all, I very much desire a copy of this cartoon. If anyone out there has a copy -- as unlikely as that may be -- I beg of you to scan it and email it to me forthwith. In return, you will receive a personal email from me, commending you for your duty and service in the name of American Freedom, as well as the knowledge that a crappy print-out of it will hang over my desk at Fremulon Insurance, Inc. as long as I am alive and working there.
But enough about Fremulon Insurance, Inc. Let's keep things moving with more of the
Stan asks:
Is that you in that Joe-Morgan-buying-a-beer-and-a-dog video? You're old.
No, it is not me. That is my son, Ken Jr. I am much older.
Justin chimes in on the Bob Elliott/NAMBLA David Eckstein Fluff(er) Piece:
I also especially like that when talking about how MLB needs to be cleaned up and have its image improved, Elliott then compares Eckstein to.... Pete Rose, one of the few men ever completely banned from baseball. Well-done, Bob.
Yey verily, love of Eckstein is a corruptive force. Besides melting men's hearts, L'il Eck will sometimes melt their minds, in a Death in Venice kind of way.
The Allan Ryan post, wherein he typed "David Eckstein scrappy" into Google and then wrote that fact into his article, let to a flurry of similar experiments. First, Andrew:
In light of your recent post, I typed in "Alex Rodriguez Scrappy" to google, and it gave me the following results:
Results 1 - 10 of about 59,000 for alex rodriguez scrappy (0.27 seconds)
That's more than 10 times as many results, and for whatever ridiculous reason, it's faster, too.
Telling. Now we have Nicholas:
Just thought I would let you know I googled "David Eckstein crappy" and I got 11,900 possible hits in 0.31 seconds. So not only is it lazy journalism for using scrappy, he hasn't even investigated all possibilities...
Get on that, journalists. I want a google search result for all like 10^72 possible results of "David Eckstein" and any other combination of letters.
James chimes in with a question that elegantly allows us to use the coveted "Food Metaphors" label:
I'm not entirely sure what the etymology of the word "scrappy" is. It has two meanings, one of which is "made of scraps" which I suppose could describe David Eckstein since he looks like the Good Lord made him out of the leftovers from real adults, but I think when the sportswriters use it they generally mean he's a fighter. I'm not sure, but I'd wager that this meaning of scrappy comes from a willingness of hungry people to fight over small scraps of food. Food metaphor?
My Condensed O.E.D. has scrap as lME, and the resultant scrappy as chiefly North American, though the quote below scrappy is Thackeray: "There is a dreadfully scrappy dinner, the evident remains of a party." Interestingly -- or not, depending largely if you're even still reading this -- there is a N. Amer colloq. for "scrapper," which is "a fish that is hard to land once caught." This seems as apt a description of Eckstein's style of play as any.
The point is: food metaphor, definitely, for all of this.
Finally, let's end the with a message of hope from Benjamin:
FYI, a year or two ago I was quite drunk in the Wrigley Field bleachers at a Cubs/Cards game while David Eckstein was warming up in the outfield. I yelled "David Eckstein, you are scrappy!!!!" He laughed and pointed at me and all the other players laughed as well. So I think even he realizes how stupid this is.
A few days ago, I linked to an article in the Toronto Star about David Eckstein, but mistakenly attributed it to the Toronto Sun. Then several of you emailed me with the correction, and pointed out that the Toronto Sun is a crummy like tabloid thing, and so the joke became that the article in the Star was so bad, not even the Sun would print it.
Oops. A walk-on with the University of Florida Gators in 1994, David Eckstein hasn't walked anywhere since.
With the Anaheim Angels and the St. Louis Cardinals he was always the first player to sprint to his position when his team took the field.
That is, when he played. The guy missed 45 games last year and 39 the year before that. Maybe he sprinted into the trainer's room?
The 5-foot-61/2 Eckstein knew a tryout at the University of Florida consisted of a round in the batting cage, handling a few ground balls and being timed in the 60-yard dash.
So, sensing the lay of the infield, Eckstein, although uninvited, went to the pre-season scrimmages and sat.
There he was on the end of the bench like a grade niner, waiting and hoping the grade 12 student either would forget his cleats, get a detention or lose his way on campus.
This is how bad it's gotten: when discussing a young , college-aged Eckstein, the analogy Bob Elliott uses is to a younger, high-school-aged Eckstein. Journalists obsess over how young the guy looks. It's positively fetishistic.
Finally, Eckstein was given the chance to play and he not only fit in with the Big Men on Campus, but coaches took a liking to this imp.
He was just called an "imp." This is bordering on pedophilia.
Despite record revenues, baseball has warts and a case of acne worse than a goalie wearing those old form-fitting masks.
Gross.
But watch Eckstein run the bases a few times and he'll bring back memories of Pete Rose running with his page-boy hair cut.
Eckstein is in constant movement from the time he's on deck. He is a whirling dervish swinging bats in quick circles looking as if he might lift off, helicopter style.
I am scared for David Eckstein. I think Bob Elliott might have a crush on him.
We first met Eckstein in the Yankee Stadium clubhouse in 2001 before the Angels opened post-season play against the Yanks.
This was after a young pup looking all of 18 showed up at Eckstein's locker with close cropped blonde/white hair. We asked: "Know where Esksten is?" The 165-pound, 26-year-old answered "I'm David Eckstein."
Now I know he has a crush on him. A "young pup" with blonde/white hair? In my imagination, Bob Elliott is like a large Texan oil man in a 10-gallon hat, staring at Eckstein and hallucinating a delicious pork chop.
We first met Eckstein in the Yankee Stadium clubhouse in 2001 before the Angels opened post-season play against the Yanks.
...Salil is the first to point out:
The Yankees played the A's and the Mariners in the 2001 postseason. Apparently Bob Elliott was so smitten with David that he forgot when and where he was at the time of their meeting.
Allan Ryan of the Toronto Star boldly goes where every single other reporter in history has gone before:
Partner new Blue Jay shortstop David Eckstein and the word "scrappy" and a Google search will advise you of some 5,300 possibilities. In just 0.38 seconds, too.
1. I get 5940.
2. The tenth one down is a link to a post on this site, deriding reporters for using the word "scrappy" in articles about David Eckstein.
3. I love -- love -- that you cite the short time it took for Google to do the search. As if that is in some way indicative of just how fucking scrappy this guy is. "If you search for 'Carlos Guillen scrappy,' it takes Google .41 seconds to show results. 'Bill Doran scrappy?' .40 seconds. But type in 'David Eckstein scrappy' and you will have your results in .38 seconds. Even Google knows just how scrappy this guy is."
Then again, when you've hauled off a .289 average and .351 on-base percentage over seven major-league seasons that include a pair of World Series rings and a Series MVP award ... well, "scrappy" will turn up a bit.
Why? Why will it show up? Manny Ramirez has "hauled off" (and why that verb?) far far better numbers in the last seven years. He also won a WS MVP. No one calls him scrappy. Here. Let me rewrite your last sentence for you.
Then again, when you're small and you play baseball and are just kind of mediocre and lazy sportswriters don't want to bother coming up with anything new to say about you so they literally google your name and the word "scrappy" and then actually flaunt how lazy they are by writing into the article that the way they decided to write this article was to fucking google your name and the word "scrappy," in a move reminiscent of how we all used to begin Social Studies papers in junior high by writing like "Webster's Dictionary defines 'democracy' as..." or whatever... well, "scrappy" will turn up a bit.
There. I think that's clearer.
It's just in the mindset, Eckstein explained yesterday during a conference call from the Tampa airport. He'd just cleared his medical and was officially aboard for the 2008 season at $4.5 million (all figures U.S.).
After the doctors give Eckstein a medical examination, do they sometimes get confused and give him a lollypop? (I'm not sure that's a good joke, and I was just about to cut it, but now the image of Eckstein in like 1950's clothes licking an oversized swirly-colored lollypop is in my head and it makes me laugh. So: it stays in.)
"It's more an attitude of showing up every day, ready to give you 100 per cent," Eckstein said. "You'll never see me a take a pitch off, a day off ... that's what I bring. I think it's my best quality.
It certainly isn't "good hitter."
"It may be the reality – that when you're a smaller guy, you have to play better than the other guys – but I'm a little stubborn. When you're small, you don't think you're small."
Do you think you're "scrappy?" Because everyone else does.
If Allan Ryan is a high school student from a nearby school who has gotten an internship at the Star and this is his first published article: congratulations! I wish you the best in your career as a journalist. If this is any other situation: yikes.
As many of you pointed out, this article was printed in the Toronto Star, not the Toronto Sun, as I originally wrote. The Toronto Sun is a goofy low-grade tabloid, which would never have printed something as frivolous and pointless as a google search for "David Eckstein scrappy."
11:22 a.m, from Jerry Crasnick • With the Twins in search of middle-infield help, one potential target is free agent David Eckstein. "I've always had a lot of respect for him," said Minnesota manager Ron Gardenhire. "He catches the ball. He knows how to play. He's a ______ ______."
If we had comments, I'd let you guys guess what Gardy said in the comments section. But we don't!
It would be great if the answer were "fucking cocksucker."
I'm currently watching a Discovery Channel documentary about Australian marine biologists who are trying to capture, and raise in captivity, the Architeuthis, or Giant Squid. After many years of unsuccessful attempts, they finally found and transferred to their ship eight larvae, and there was much rejoicing and popping of champagne and stuff. But by the time they got back to their lab, all of the larvae were dead. The lead biologist, Steve O'Shea, gave a final speech about how he's not going to give up. I got kind of teary-eyed. Then that Beyonce ad for DirecTV came on where she sings "Lemme Lemme Lemme Up-Grade Ya," and I ripped my TV off the wall and threw it away.
So I will use my newfound TV-less time to talk about this article by FoxSports.com's Jeff Gordon, which is several days old, and was sent to us by nearly one million of our readers. It's a list of the 10 best free agent signings in MLB history.
I think you all know what's coming.
10. David Eckstein, Cardinals
When he signed his three-year, $10.25 million free-agent deal after the 2004 season, some experts ripped the Cardinals for giving him too much money and too many years.
Now why would they do a silly thing like that?
After all, Eckstein was really a second baseman playing shortstop. He didn't possess great fielding range and his arm strength was famously poor. He was a decent hitter, but he had no power and little speed on the basepaths.
These things are all still true.
But Eckstein was the perfect fit in St. Louis, where he moved into the lead-off spot. He earned two trips to the All-Star Game and became the MVP of the 2006 World Series, on the strength of his three doubles in Game 4 against Detroit.
EqAs in his years in St. Louis: .268, .250, .275. Number of games missed in the last two years due to injuries (or whatever): 84. SB in St. Louis: 28-for-43. Amount of mediocrity exhibited: significant.
In many ways, he is the anti-A-Rod —a low-budget, low-glamour signing that produced maximum results.
In many ways, he is the anti-A-Rod: he can't play baseball very well.
If David Eckstein is the 10th best free agent signing in major league baseball history, I am Australian marine biologist Steve O'Shea, and I have found and successfully transferred into captivity eight larvae of the elusive giant squid Architeuthis.
Me: the mild-mannered Pension Fund Monitor for Fremulon Insurance, based in Partridge, KS, who copies dumb articles about baseball and adds snarky comments.
You: the kind of article that was written a thousand times after David Eckstein won the World Series MVP Award, which contained lots of references to how scrappy and gritty he is, ignoring fully his not-very-good-at-baseball-ness.
Where have you been, baby? I've missed you. But all is forgiven, now that Eck is a free agent, and these articles are beginning to reëmerge. Come back to me. I promise, I'll be gentle. I'll only reprint the key words, justlikeIusedto. What do you say?
Thinking -- and acting -- outside the box provide some of the fire the team lacked last season shortstop for two World Series champion teams in the last six seasons Willie Randolph, an admirer of Eckstein's spunk, MVP of the Cardinals' 2006 World Series champion team overcome a modest arm to play regularly or almost regularly Because of injuries Despite the games missed Eckstein is widely recognized as one of baseball's foremost gamers. source of the grit and resolve their team lacked last season Eckstein would provide some of the fire Paul Lo Duca provided in his two seasons Eckstein is thought to be seeking a four-year contract worth $36 million his defense deteriorated last season Eckstein played fewer innings, 943 2/3, in 2007 than in any other season and committed a career-high 20 errors a master of the contentious at-bat
For the record, in re: being a "master of the contentious at bat," Eckstein's 3.64 pitches per plate appearance would have ranked him #123 among MLB players in that category last year. I say "would have," because he was injured so much he didn't have enough AB to qualify. In 2006, his 3.75 was good for 95th.
Also, for the record, if I were Willie Randolph, I would not like to be referred to, in print, as an "admirer of Eckstein's spunk."
The article also has this:
Playing for an offensively-challenged team -- the Cardinals scored 725 runs, the sixth fewest in the National League -- Eckstein scored 51 runs and drove in 38.
Which is delightful, in that it does not allow for the fact that the Cards were offensively challenged in part because of Eckstein's presence.
See, members of the media and various baseball persons? This is what happens when you keep telling someone how great they are.
Eckstein, the 2006 World Series MVP at shortstop, apparently is looking for a contract comparable to the four-year, $36 million deal Julio Lugo signed with the Red Sox last December...
David Eckstein wants four years, $9m per year.
You have only yourselves to blame, people of baseball.
For those of you who are interested, there are several infielders available through free agency right now. Two of them are David Eckstein, an adorable 11 inch-tall translucent man who cannot play baseball very well, and Alex Rodriguez, who is better at hitting baseballs than every other person in the entire world.
Let's go to the journalistic/public opinion round-up. First, we have an ESPN.com poll, the final question of which is:
9. Which player would you rather have?
69.6% Alex Rodriguez 30.4% David Eckstein
Now, I suppose it is possible that some of the 150,000+ people who have voted in this poll were taking into consideration things like salary, or the current 3Bman on their favorite team, or something. But the question is, straight-up, who would you rather have?
And 30% say Eckstein. Thirty percent. Thir. Ty. Per. Ce. N. T.
That means that more than 45,000 people sat at their computers, and thought it over, and they said, you know, I don't want the guy who is 32 and had a .354 EqA+ last year with 54 HR. I want the 32 year-old who only played in 117 games last year (and 123 the year before) and hit 3 HR and had a .275 EqA+, and who needs a relay man to get the ball from short to first.
Who are you people? What is wrong with your brains?
Speaking of people whose brains are wrong, ESPN's Buster Olney has some things to say about Eckstein: 3. David Eckstein, SS
Injuries have limited the shortstop to 240 games over his last two seasons, and he doesn't have the body or playing style of someone who will last.
Sign him!
But nobody can argue this: When Eckstein plays, he produces.
I can argue that. I can easily argue that. You want me to argue that? I will argue that.
The man's career OPS+ is 89. That is below average for baseball players. His career high OPS+ is 101. That is one percent better than the average baseball player. He has never had more than 26 doubles in a season. He has never had a slugging percentage in the .400s. He is a terrible hitter.
His batting average in each of his last three seasons is .294, .292 and .309, and he made a couple of All-Star teams.
Oh my God. If Buster Olney were a GM, he would stock his teams with Ecksteins and Juan Pierres and Christian Guzmans and they would go 20-142.
He has been a shortstop and the Cardinals need a shortstop, and Eckstein may end up returning to St. Louis. But Eckstein could also be, for a big-market contending club, a very interesting buy as a super utility player, because he can play second base, and perhaps even third base, along with some shortstop.
David Eckstein playing third base would be amazing. I would love to see that. If Jacoby Ellsbury hit a ball down the line to David Eckstein and Eck had to backhand it and throw from foul territory, by the time the ball landed in the first baseman's glove Ellsbury would be sitting on the bench after his inside-the-park little-league HR and Kevin Youkilis would be at the plate with a count of 2-0.
You could move him around, give him days off when he had a nagging injury, and always inject energy into your team -- like a sixth man in basketball.
This is a reason to sign him?
GM: So, tell me why we should sign your client.
Eckstein's Agent: Tons of reasons. First of all, he's a winner. Second, he can inject energy into your team. Third, when we gets injured -- and he will definitely get injured -- you can give him days off!
GM: (has long since left room)
Pay him well on a two-year deal and promise him 400 plate appearances, and he could help you get to October.
Pay him well on a two-year deal, and he will certainly collect his paychecks while not helping your team at all. And if your team makes it to October despite his mediocre/bad play, he will totally help you win in October, with his career .278/.333/.335 line in the postseason.
Finally, here is the voice of reason, in the form of Keith Law:
Quite possibly the most overrated player in baseball because people say "gritty" and "scrappy" and "smart" when they really just mean "short." Eckstein has had a nice run in the National League as a slap-and-run guy who does all of the little things and not many of the big things: He's got a short swing and isn't strong, so he hits for very little power, and he's never drawn many walks or worked the count. He's still an above-average runner, but not a burner and not worth much on the base paths; the speed is most valuable in helping him bunt for hits or leg out some ground balls. He's a bad defensive shortstop, and given his age he's likely to get worse, so it makes much more sense for someone to sign him as a second baseman.
Ahhhhhh. Soothing. Although how he is at #15 I will never know.
As Guillen talked Tuesday about the additions of third-base coach Jeff Cox and bullpen coach Juan Nieves to his staff, he emphasized the Sox will change their preparation radically in an effort to improve dramatically from their 90-loss season.
"You're going to see a lot of crazy stuff in spring training, regardless of the baserunning," Guillen said during a conference call.
Let me just say that Ozzie Guillen is pretty clearly already crazy, based on the quotations you will find if you search for his name on this blog. So when he says, "You're going to see a lot of crazy stuff in spring training," he's basically saying he's going to like drive a Volvo onto the field in the middle of the game, and dress his players up like '30s gangsters, and maybe have guys run right across the mound to second on grounders to the infield, and possibly like fire guns in the air during pre-game pepper drills.
"You're going to see hit-and-run [plays] when it's not a hit-and-run situation. You're going to see people bunting when it's not a bunting situation.
That...that is awesome. A guy who already loves to do two stupid things -- bunt and hit-and-run -- is now telling us that he is going to start doing these things more. Doing them when the situation doesn't even "call" for them. This is the equivalent of saying, "I'm going to start intentionally walking guys with runners on first and second with no outs after an 0-2 count." Or: "I am going to buy extended warranties from Circuit City for products I didn't even purchase."
"Maybe people are going to criticize me for the way we're playing in spring training, but we have to go with a different approach. In spring training we're going to turn the switch on right away."
Someone should remind Dumb-Dumb here that the 2005 team that won the WS was 4th in the league in HR, first in caught-stealings, and had four great starters and a fantastically over-performing bullpen. They did not win because they didn't bunt enough. They won despite how much they bunted and foolishly got caught stealing. Ozzie Guillen is a moron.
Even before Guillen fired Razor Shines and hired Cox to take over, he hinted at such changes.
Cox, 51, will take on more duties in overseeing the bunting and hit-and-run drills, along with former major-league manager Buddy Bell, who was named director of minor league instruction and will help implement the emphasis on bunting and situational hitting at all levels.
Someone in Chicago needs to stop these people. They are dooming this franchise to another 100 years of title-less baseball.
Guillen worked with Cox for three seasons in Montreal and Florida (2001-03) but became impressed with Cox's work in Kansas City in 1995 and said his upbeat personality could fulfill the humor that was missing last year when goofy bullpen catcher Man Soo Lee returned to South Korea.
Reasons the White Sox Stunk Last Year: aging players, injuries, bad starting pitching, bad relief pitching, too much bunting, too much dumb strategy, not enough good hitters.
Not a Reason the White Sox Stunk Last Year: humor void caused by goofy bullpen catcher Man Soo Lee returning to South Korea.
Cox played in 61 games with Oakland in 1980-81. He put down 11 sacrifice bunts in 59 games with the Athletics in 1980, including four squeeze bunts.
Yup. That's the dude you want instructing your hitters. The guy who hit .213/.273/.231 with a 45 OPS+.
The Sox have been lacking in executing hitting fundamentals over the last two seasons. They struck out 1,149 times in 2006 and their .318 on-base percentage was the worst in the majors.
The strikeouts are meaningless. The 2004 Red Sox led the league in Ks and won the World Series. Philly, Colorado, and Cleveland were all in the top 7 in MLB in Ks this year and they all made the playoffs. It's the OBP you should worry about. You know what doesn't increase a team OBP? Sac bunts, dumbasses.
"I'm tired of being afraid to put on the hit-and-run because we don't know if we're going to put it in play," Guillen said. "I'm tired of striking out.
Hey -- I have an idea. Don't put on the hit-and-run.
Guillen warned everyone not to be surprised if A.J. Pierzynski is laying down a bunt or executing a hit-and-run in spring training, and that even the core hitters (Paul Konerko, Jim Thome and Jermaine Dye) will be asked to work on situational hitting.
You seriously want to try to make Jim Thome try to move runners over with ground balls? You want to make Paul Konerko go the other way, instead of letting him just do his thing? Really? That's your solution? Trying to strip your only power hitters of their power? What else you got in store for the off-season, genius? You going to sign David Eck--
The Sox could give [SS Juan] Uribe a $300,000 buyout and attempt to re-sign him if they fail to land a free agent like David Eckstein, who can bat leadoff and play shortstop, or fail to trade for a younger shortstop.
"Guillen worked with Cox for three seasons in Montreal and Florida (2001-03) but became impressed with Cox's work in Kansas City in 1995"
In 1995, the Kansas City Royals finished last in the AL in runs scored, home runs, slugging percentage, and OPS+. They had the second-worst OBP. Maybe they bunted the ball really really well, I don't know.
Joe Buck, bottom 6, Red Sox' diminuitive caucasian 2B Dustin Pedroia at the dish:
"He's a lot like David Eckstein -- he makes the most out of what he's got."
Finally. Someone pointed out the superficial/wrong.
Pedroia, in 2007, his 23 year-old rookie year: .317/ .380 /.442. .292 EqA. Eckstein, Cherry Picking Best Ever Result in Every Category Throughout his Entire Career: .309/.363/.395. .274 EqA.
Eck's career SLG is .362. His career high in doubles is 26. Pedroia had 39.
But hey. They are both short. And white. So that's something.
It sneaks up on you sometimes. One day you're the heart and soul of a team. People can't praise your intangibles enough. Your grit. Your heart. Your leadership. You're white, you sort of suck at getting on base, you make a lot of serious faces on the field. All the ingredients are there.
Then one day you wake up and you're no longer a grinder -- and Joel Sherman is writing articles about your team with headlines like this:
SHAKE IT UP METS WOULD GET MUCH-NEEDED JOLT FROM ROWAND AND ECKSTEIN
Hey, Paul Lo Duca just walked in. I'm going to let him type a little bit. Hold on --
Rowand? Eckstein? What about me, Paulie Bignuts?! I'm the Jolt cola on this team! I'm the hard-working stubbly lunch pailer! What happened to all those articles about how when Glassesface DePodesta traded me away the Dodgers lost their soul? I AM TEAM CHEMISTRY.
I am a pending free agent -- why isn't this article all about resigning me? Randolph is now enlisted for next year and the Mets should work to build a team that works for him. Here's what Hardball would strongly consider:
1. MORE PASSION
Fuck me! (It's still Paulie here.) I just hit Open Apple-F in Firefox and searched for "Lo Duca." I'm not even mentioned in the article! Va fangoule, Joel Sherman! That's-a spicy-a meatball-a! In general, I dismiss the emotional/chemistry stuff. Usually onlookers see what they want based on results (David Wells is a real-guy gamer when he succeeds and an out-of-shape dirtbag when he loses). But by the end of the disappointing season, Randolph and many of his key veterans were acknowledging a core that lacked urgency and ardor. There was too much privilege among this group, as if it were Duke waiting for its NCAA tourney invite rather than earning its way in.
Okay, Junior here. I've wrested the keyboard away from Lo Dukes. It's covered in marinara sauce. Sherman, seriously, it's hard to have it both ways here. How can you say "I dismiss the emotional/chemistry stuff" and then advocate signing a no-hit, no-field, aging Eckstein with your next breath?
Now the Mets lost because they had no "ardor"? Jesus Christ, man. What do you think ardor legitimately cost them? Two games? Three?
Lo Duca wants me to type that he's still extremely ardorous. Okay. Okay. I did it. Stop hitting me with your chicken parm sub.
There is a term in baseball, grinder, to describe those who bring it every day and treat each at-bat like a mini holy war.
What the Mets need is an Osama bin Laden-type in the two-hole. You know who was a phenomenal grinder? Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Too bad he was killed by a a laser-guided GBU-12 and GPS-guided GBU-38. Thanks a lot, troops!
The Mets need a whole lot fewer whiners and lawyers who sap the energy/togetherness in their clubhouse, and more grinders, especially because Randolph is so non-confrontational even with his worst offenders.
Tell me, please, which of these Metropolitans qualify as whiner-lawyers:
David Wright Jose Reyes Luis Castillo Carlos Delgado Moises Alou Carlos Beltran Shawn Green Paul Lo Duca Tom Glavine Pedro Martinez John Maine Orlando Hernandez Billy Wagner
You get the point. Actually, no. Let me spell it out for you. If the Mets win two more games, this is the exact same group of guys we're saying has incredible chemistry, whose unbreakable camaraderie bonded them together as the Phillies made their run, whose kinship and brotherhood and passion for the game carried them through tough times and led them to the playoffs. Am I wrong?
Look, the Diamondbacks are a club that believes in statistical analysis, yet recently gave Eric Byrnes a three-year, $30 million extension in recognition of what his daily zeal does for the group.
I'm really unclear on how much of that 30 million Josh Byrnes earmarked for daily zeal. Was it a 5 million zeal bonus? I think it was 2.5 million for the hair, 3.5 for falling down every time you throw the ball. So the Mets should look seriously at free agents Aaron Rowand to play center field and David Eckstein to play second base, and/or see if they could pry someone such as the Angels' jack-in-the-box Chone Figgins to be their jack-of-all-trades.
Okay, Aaron Rowand had a great year last year. Career year. WARP3 of 9.6. Here are his WARP3s from the last three years: 3.3 (missed some games), 6.0, 6.8. If you're the Mets, don't you already have a guy playing center field? A Carlos somebody? Who had a mild down year to the tune of 9.5 WARP? Who has posted WARP3s of 11.9, 5.6, and 9.9 recently?
By signing Rowand, the Mets would rob the NL East champ Phillies of a big piece. Putting Carlos Beltran in right field might diminish his leg injuries.
Maybe Sherman knows more about Beltran's injuries than I do, but it seems like a pretty big waste to play a good defensive center fielder in right in order to sign an inferior center fielder. With Eckstein, you must believe he could play second, that his body is not deteriorating fast at 32, and that he would accept a one- or two-year deal. If you buy all of that, Eckstein's peskiness and seriousness about winning would enliven the Mets.
Exactly like, say, Luis Castillo, a guy who was supposed to be pesky and winning-y and grinderish and who was already on the Mets this year? Castillo has 17 points of career OBP on Eck and he's faster, too. And he already plays second base.
Joel Sherman says the Mets need passion. Let's go through some of those 2007 Mets again.
David Wright Great character guy. MVP-type. Leader. Incredibly mature for his age. Works hard, plays hard. Passionate. Smiles.
Jose Reyes Fiery. Sparkplug. Catalyst. MVP-type talent. The future. Puts pressure on pitchers. Passionate.
Luis Castillo Veteran. Pesky. Bat control guy. Comes from Twins' winning system. Passionate. Smallballer.
Carlos Delgado Veteran. Knows how to win. Former MVP-type. Subject of innumerable Gammo articles praising his leadership and the way he mentors Beltran. Passionate.
Moises Alou Veteran. Pisses on hands.
Carlos Beltran Veteran. Uber-talent. Solid clubhouse presence.
Shawn Green Jew.
Paul Lo Duca Veteran. Heart, soul, heartsoul, leader, heartleader, guides pitching staff. Passionate. Hates to lose. Co-wrote this post. White.
Pedro Martinez Once threatened to drill Babe Ruth, a dead man, in the ass. Passionate.
Really, you see a bad, passionless apple in this suitcase full of apples?
Ah, fuck it. Just sign Eckstein and win the World Series. Do it.
Jimbo directs us to an MLB.com article about potential ROY. Here's what they say about Reggie Willits:
OF Reggie Willits, Angels: The Halos were floundering, unable to get over the loss of Juan Rivera to a Winter League mishap, until Willits became a regular and a regular thorn in the sides of opponents. With bat control to wear out pitchers, speed to unnerve defenses and a daredevil attitude on defense, he has become, at its most basic, the _________ of this Angels team.
Now, keeping in mind that Willits is small, white, "pesky," "full of grit" and "hustle" and plays for the Angels, guess to whom the comparison is made. Is it...
A. Alex Rodriguez B. Three-Finger Brown C. David Eckstein D. Darin Erstad
If you answered C...
...you're wrong.
They compared him to Erstad.
The comparison to Eckstein is not very apt, in that Willits is much faster and gets on base more. But Erstad?
Actually, I suppose the .338 SLG Willits has laid down this year actually makes him more like Erstad than a lot of other people.
In the airport waiting for our flight to MO. Thinking about the Chicago White Sox' woes this season. Impatient hitters, injuries, bad starting pitching, aging veterans. You know what they need? Some grit.
St. Louis Cardinals free agent-to-be David Eckstein is becoming target No. 1 on the Sox' offseason wish list. He would give them a leadoff hitter with a career .349 on-base percentage and a sure-handed shortstop.
The White Sox are single-handedly trying to prove as true everything that I, and people like me, believe. If they sign Eckstein next year, all things being equal, they will be the worst-GMed team in history.
By the way, reader Mike directed me to this article via an AOL FanHouse blog discussion, located here. For a good time, read the comments below the post. Two rings in five years!!!!!!
I'll Watch "Dead Poets Society" on TCM; You'll Do Our Work For Us
Hooray! Gallimaufry time! What better way to start the week?
Plenty of action for the Sunday night game on ESPN. Reader Colleen starts us off:
According to Joe Morgan, Adam Kennedy has "always been a great offensive player."
He has a career OPS+ of 89.
So true. So simple. Reader Evan L. noticed the same thing, but pointed instead to AK's .261 career EQA.
Maybe Joe meant: relative to all other human beings, Adam Kennedy has always been a great offensive player? As you may know, I like to give Joe the benefit of the doubt whenever possible.
Okay! Over on TCM, Charlie Dalton just changed his name to Nuwanda. And back at the FJM inbox, a number of readers noticed Joe Morgan's total misread of an ump's call on a stolen base attempt. We'll go with David S.'s version of events because he seemslike a good dude:
rolen steals 2nd, called safe, morgan says "easily safe" when crowd boos. they go to the replay that shows rolen CLEARLY out, morgan again says "easily safe." then they freeze it with rolen being tagged while nowhere near the bag, and both announcers are dead silent until the next pitch.
A quick pause to remind our dear readers that Gallimaufry is brought to you each and every week by Bacon Salt. Bacon Salt: Tastes like bacon...and salt!
Reader Mike mustered enough strength to listen to the voice of Suzyn Waldman, and for that, we congratulate him with a post of his observation:
During last night's Yankees broadcast, Waldman and John Sterling were talking about the possibility of Luis Vizcaino notching the win in both ends of the doubleheader. Sterling quipped that he could be the modern-day Wilbur Wood. This was Waldman's reply: "For those who don't know, Wilbur Wood used to start, and win, both ends of a doubleheader. A lot."
Only twice did Wood start both ends of a doubleheader. Never did he win both ends. In fact, in his most famous double-dip appearance, he took the collar two losses on the same day against the Yankees.
I just found out that Suzyn Waldman is from Newton, Massachusetts. Weird, right?
Also, say what you will about Mr. Keating's teaching methods. This guy really inspires his students. Sometimes you just gotta say "fuck the heck," right?
On with the 'maufry! Bruce Torres writes FJM to say:
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Reader Matthew K. writes for no reason other than to add to the ever-growing list of Eckstein nicknames:
David Husslehoff
Sure. Why not. Add it to the list. I'd go with "Hustlehoff," maybe, but...oh fuck -- I think Robert Sean Leonard's character is about to kill himself.
Reader Rick N. has an interesting thought on the ongoing "Who's Now?" situation:
dude, who's now would be brilliant if it were advertised as satire.
dude, maybe.
Actually, nothing blew my mind more about the whole "Who's Now" thing than the fact that Barry Bonds lost in the first round. I know it was up to the voters, and not ESPN itself, but seriously: every Bonds at bat is televised by ESPN. He dominates the front page of ESPN.com. Pedro Gomez pops up every fifteen minutes to tell me whether or not Bonds made a doody. He's about to break the all-time HR record -- and he's less "now" than Jeff Gordon? I don't get it.
And lastly, Lt. J.J. K. points us to this take on Joe Morgan's relation to the Sheffield/Torre/RealSports nonsense.
I'm not sure exactly what to make of it, but the author certainly doesn't like Joe Morgan. And I like that!
"O Captain My Captain!" You tell 'em, Ethan Hawke's character!
