Jay Mohr's Fox columns appear every five days or so, and are about 500 words long. I like to believe that he writes 100 words every day and then collapses with an exhausted brain.
If you don't have the forty seconds it takes to read his latest masterpiece, I will summarize it.
1. Preseason football often features players who are unlikely to make the team.
2. Therefore, they must perform well, or they will be cut, and will be forced to seek work elsewhere.
That's the whole article. He restates that point 100 times. To wit:
With just one fumble, UPS has a new driver.
Direct TV is one dropped pass from getting a new service rep.
The second half of a preseason football game is like watching an episode of MAD TV; a collection of names that no one will remember.
These poor guys have about a dozen plays in front of about a dozen fans to try and change their lives forever.
A few solid tackles and a sack could mean a paycheck with two commas, eating filet mignon three nights a week, buying their parents a dream house and dating Alyssa Milano.
If they miss those tackles and don't get that sack, they will spend the next 20 years of their life explaining the collating features on the new Canon XPS and selling Xerox machines to small business owners in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
If a preseason game goes into overtime, you might see a guy from DeVry.
[E]each guy who is on the field is playing for his very life.
If Ray Lewis misses a tackle, he'll still be on the field a minute later. If the guy from Kutztown State misses a tackle, he might start writing Internet blogs.
Sweet swipe on bloggers, there, Jay. Screw those blogging nerds from Kutztown. I mean, seriously -- what kind of loser would...write...about sports...on the...internet?
