Nitpicking the Wood-Man

Woody Paige wrote an article about the Broncos' humiliating loss to Chicago on Sunday. It's mostly fine. But here's how it starts:

The Broncos committed the seven deadly sins of football:

1. Carelessness — 88-yard kickoff return for a touchdown.

2. Stupidity — 75-yard punt return for touchdown.

I don't understand why allowing an 88-yard kickoff return for a TD is "carelessness," while allowing a 75-yard punt return for a touchdown is "stupidity." Why not the other way around? And as long as you're cleverly using the "7 Deadly Sins" rhetorical conceit, why not just make "Kicking to Devin Hester" = "Pride"?

3. Sloth — blocked punt recovered at their 18.

I'm sorry. But how is having a punt blocked evidence of "sloth?" That's nonsense. Did you guys see the Pats-Eagles game? When Gostkowski missed that 32-yard field goal...man, that was some lust.

4. Ineptitude — failure to score touchdowns on two possessions inside the 5-yard line.

5. Folly — interception at their own 18.

6. Clumsiness — a fumble that ended up at their 14.

You could match up any of these three "sins" with any of their three examples -- or any of the first three, really -- and no one would notice.

7. Horrendous judgment — prevent defense at the end of regulation and in overtime.

I agree, Woody. That was an example of horrendous judgment. Nice work with your metaphors.

(Because "gluttony" is one of the 7 deadly sins, I am going to tag this with "food metaphors." Deal with it.)