FIRE JOE MORGAN: Steve Phillips: Professional Moron


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Monday, June 06, 2005


Steve Phillips: Professional Moron

So former Worst GM in history Steve Phillips has posted a mock draft in which he selects players "if teams actually had a crystal ball." Teams would select players "with the idea that they wanted to be successful using a five-year plan."

An interesting concept. Let's see how he fucks it up.

The first few picks, I don't really have a problem with (A Rod, Pujols, Tejada, Santana). All good, young players, and if you're operating with a 5 year plan in mind, a wise investment. Unless you have the number 5 pick and you draft...

5) Pedro Martinez.

Does ANYBODY believe Pedro has 5 Pedro caliber seasons left? It was here I started to question whether this 5 year plan meant from the beginning of their career or five seasons from now. More on that later.

His next pick, Miguel Cabrera would suggest that we're talking about five years starting now. Especially since I have yet to see the name Bonds anywhere in this article. So maybe Phillips just believes Pedro has five years left.

Until you get to pick 24.

Gary Fucking Sheffield?!?!?

Now I think Steve Phillips is just nuts, because if you're going to draft a 36 year old outfielder with a history of back, shoulder, and brain problems, you should probably be fired from your job as a GM and hired by ESPN right now.

And this not even mentioning the retardedness Phillips displays when playing by his own rules. Bobby Abreu, Chipper Jones, and Derrek Lee, yes Derrek Lee, over Manny? Beltran and Ichiro at 20 and 21 behind Roy Halladay and Jake Peavy? Aramis Ramirez at 25, but Mark Teixera at 28?!?! No Scott Rolen, Juan Pierre, J.D. Drew, Carl Crawford, Dontrelle Willis, AJ Burnett, or Ben Sheets?

I don't have the time or patience to point out even half of the inane non-sense-making arguments he makes for the players he does pick, but I'm now going to tell you something you probably don't know.

Steve Phillips is dumb.

posted by Murbles  # 5:52 PM
Other faves from this column:
Bobby Abreu (#8) "is in the midst of a what will be a Hall of Fame career." Maybe he'll devise a flying car someday and make the inventor's hall of fame, but averaging 24 homers and 95 risbies with a .307 average ain't going to get him to cooperstown.

Tim Hudson (#12) Would anyone take this guy over Roy Halladay at this stage in their careers, even considering their injuries? Maybe I'm alone on this.

Jeter (#13) Come on. Over Jorge Cantu???

Brad Lidge (#16) This is a reach even if this were a fantasy draft, which Phillips states it is not. Can you imagine being a Marlins fan on the eve of this momentous draft, awaiting what player your team will build its franchise around for the next five years, and that player ends up being Brad Lidge?

Roy Oswalt (#26) A fair pick, but Phillips' take is that "He just shows up and has that trait you want in a pitcher: he pitches well enough to win." Among the many traits a pitcher could have, Phillips definitely isolates a very good one. Good work, sir.
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