FIRE JOE MORGAN: Why April Fool's Day Sucks


Where Bad Sports Journalism Came To Die

FJM has gone dark for the foreseeable future. Sorry folks. We may post once in a while, but it's pretty much over. You can still e-mail dak, Ken Tremendous, Junior, Matthew Murbles, or Coach.

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Saturday, April 01, 2006


Why April Fool's Day Sucks

Because every sportswriter in the country thinks it's really funny to write a preposterous story as a prank and try to get people to believe it. We owe this scourge to George Plimpton's 1985 masterpiece "Curious Case of Sidd Finch," of course, which was beautifully written and just barely plausible enough and great. The modern-day versions are not.

To wit: this little gem by MSNBC's own Mikey C., who is worse at humor than he is at, like, everything else.

What kind of reaction is he expecting? "Wha..? Matt Leinart is going to forego the NFL draft to be a ballroom dancer?! What!?!?!?!? You've gotta be kidding me! This is insane! Hang on, let me keep reading...uh uh...right...well, this certainly seems like legitimate God, what a huge story. How come no other journalistic outposts are reporting this? What a scoop!!!!!"

And then, to make matters worse, he does the ol' Plimpton-inspired "look at the first letter of every paragraph and you'll get the joke" thing at the end. As if even the most CNS-challenged moron hasn't figured out what the deal is by that point.

There's an old literary anecdote that T.S. Eliot gave Ezra Pound his first draft of "The Waste Land," which included long sequences of couplets. Pound returned the draft with almost every single couplet crossed out, and a note that basically said: "You can't write couplets unless they're better than Pope's. And these are not better than Pope's."

I include this anecdote, risking merciless ridicule in the comments section, because I would like officially to say to all sportswriters: You cannot do the stupid April Fool's Day Fake Article Thing unless it is better than "The Curious Case of Sidd Finch." Cool?

Flourish. Exeunt. Curtain.

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posted by Unknown  # 8:31 PM
Ken, you're preaching to other preachers.

Somewhere near the top of the long list of things FJM doesn't excel at is keeping its fellow posters in check.

So I wouldn't worry too much about being ridiculed here as long as you keep posting your cheap, less entertaining rip-offs of David Foster Wallace essays.
Tou-mother-effing-che, dak. Well played.
Also, I'm sick of sports meta-criticism that invokes T.S. Eliot, Ezra Pound, and Alexander Pope. It's like, how many more of these do I have to read?!
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