FIRE JOE MORGAN: File Under "Fish In A Barrel"


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Thursday, June 01, 2006


File Under "Fish In A Barrel"

Writing a critique of an article written by a dude named "JT the Brick" seems a little to me like beating a retarded kid at Trivial Pursuit. There's very little sense of accomplishment. Nevertheless, much like how I would show no mercy to that retard, I must address Mr. the Brick's recent article on

The city of Houston can officially refer to May 31 as Roger Clemens Day and eventually hope it becomes the next state holiday. Roger would probably enjoy this distinction, because he has the biggest ego in all of professional sports.

FJM Exclusive Scoop! Check out this recently uncovered email.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Terrell Owens
Date: May 31, 2006 6:54 PM
To: JT the Brick

Dear JT the Brick,

How dare you.

Terrell Owens

"Break on through to the other side" -- Jim Morrison
"63% of all statistics are made up...including this one." -- Dogbert

Never has an athlete been so selfish to his teammates and current employer than Clemens.

See above.

As Clemens sat back and enjoyed the national attention, while working on his golf game, the Astros compiled a 9-18 road record and are in third place in their division. I mention the dismal road record because Clemens also wanted to make sure, that if he re-signed with Houston, he wouldn't have to attend every road game so he could spend more time at home with his family.

Do you really think Roger Clemens, a 43 year old freak of nature known for his ludicrous offseason workout regimen was really spending this time "working on his golf game?" As for the not traveling to road games thing, well, those were the terms and the Astros agreed to them. It's not like he was holding them hostage or anything.

I don't recall Michael Jordan or Jerry Rice insisting on this type of special treatment when they signed their last contract while looking towards retirement.

First of all, Michael Jordan and Jerry Rice were nowhere near the caliber of player they had been when they retired. In 2005, at the age of 42, Roger Clemens posted his second best career ERA+ and his second best WHIP (#1 being his 1986 MVP season). Also, wasn't there a book written called "The Jordan Rules" about all the insane preferential treatment Jordan got? Do you think he gave any of that up in Washington? Especially considering he was still the de facto GM at the time?

Clemens could have given Red Sox Nation one more chance to forgive him for how he ended his 13-year relationship with the franchise.

Roger Clemens was run out of Boston by Dan Duquette who famously claimed Clemens was "in the twilight of his career." Do you even watch sports?

A farewell tour in a Rex Sox uniform would have made the transition much easier for him when he eventually entered the Hall of Fame.

You're right. Gosh, I hope he gets in!

If he had signed with the Yankees, Clemens would have been all but guaranteed an opportunity to go out a winner and be considered on [sic] of the greatest Yankees ever.

One of the greatest players to have played for the Yankees, for sure, but that's not quite the same as "on [sic] of the greatest Yankees ever." I mean, come on, this would make a total of 5 and a half seasons with the team, not to mention the fact that pretty much everyone in the organization regarded him as a hired gun. Do you actually think he has any Yankee pride? Remember that fake retirement switcheroo he pulled on them? Do you think he feels bad about that?

This was simply a business decision for Clemens, who has the right to secure the financial future of his family after paying his dues and deciding to put his body on the line as he is about to turn 44.

Unless Roger Clemens is some kind of opposite-of-savant-level financial idiot, I'm pretty sure his finances are in order. Not counting this season, according to baseball reference, the dude has made 121 million fucking dollars.

Clemens deserves to be one of the highest paid athletes in professional sports, and his agents always get the best deal available for their most high-profile superstar.

Oh, okay. But what about that thing you said never mind.

The Roger Clemens Foundation is one of the premiere charitable foundations in all of sports and his ability to continue to pitch will only help his foundation raise more money to help kids.

You have a very weird way of attacking a guy for being selfish, JT the Brick.

posted by Murbles  # 10:57 PM
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