FIRE JOE MORGAN: Can We Talk About This One Thing


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Wednesday, July 12, 2006


Can We Talk About This One Thing

Top 1st, All-Star Game 2006.

Brad Penny has struck out the first two batters by throwing nothing but fastballs. He's throwing hard. Your announcers are Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.

Buck: "Almost a riding fastball because it's taking off from the hand of Penny."
McCarver: "A Mark Wohlberg fastball. Catch me if you can."

Mark Wohlberg. Not Mark Wohlers. Or Mark Wahlberg. Tim McCarver clearly said a word that sounds like "wole-berg." You know, Mark Wohlberg.

So what was going on in the ol' McBean? FJM breaks it down:

(1) McCarver meant to say "Mark Wohlers." Knowing that we were all collectively prepared to never think about Mark Wohlers again, McCarver wanted us to think back 11 years to a time when Wohlers was relevant. "Catch me if you can" meant "catch this fastball if you can."

(2) McCarver meant to say "Mark Wahlberg," and believes that Mark Wahlberg was the star of the film "Catch Me If You Can." He was either confusing Wahlberg with DiCaprio, or "Catch Me If You Can" with "The Italian Job."

(3) McCarver meant to say "Mark Wahlberg," but was actually trying to refer to TV personality Mark L. Walberg, who, amazingly, has hosted not only Temptation Island but also Antiques Roadshow. "Catch me if you can" was something that made sense very briefly in -- and only in -- McCarver's brain.

(4) McCarver intentionally split the difference between pitcher Mark Wohlers and rapper-turned-actor Mark Wahlberg. He then added the cryptic "catch me if you can" as a way of saying something like: "catch my reference if you can, suckers -- it is a name I made up and is basically nonsense."

(5) McCarver was not watching the game. He was flipping through the Encore / Starz type channels on a small TV in the booth. "Boogie Nights" was on, and this caused McCarver to just blurt out the name Mark Wahlberg. Only McCarver was born in Memphis, and not necessarily as a result, speaks with a crazy accent. So he said "Mark Wohlberg." Then he changed the channel, and came across the movie "The Terminal," which he believed to be the film "Catch Me If You Can." (Starring, he believes, Marisa Tomei, Joe Pantoliano, and Dan Quisenberry.) After McCarver said what he believed to be the name of the new movie he was watching, someone from FOX sauntered into the booth and offered Tim a Kit-Kat bar and a $10 Borders gift card if he'd just watch the All-Star game.

I'd put the chances (in percent) of each being the actual case at 55/44/.5/.5/0 respectively.

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posted by dak  # 2:33 AM
dak, you broke that down beautily.

I have one more possibility. The whole thing is an anagram, Da Vinci Code-style:

"A Mark Wohlberg fastball: Catch me If You Can"

Is an anagram of

Baseball Graft? Caution Whom YMCA Chef Lark!

A hidden request that Joe Buck warn a Christian volunteer jokester food preparation expert about financial misdoings in the National Pasttime.

Makes as much sense as any other explanation.
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