Tuesday, December 19, 2006

A Very Special Holiday Message

Hey everyone. Ol' Kenny T. is heading back to the East Coast for some family time. My Department Head here at Fremulon Insurance (Rick Basket -- good guy, die-hard Cards fan) was kind enough to give me and Mrs. Tremendous a full 2 weeks off for the holidays. I will, as always, be on the lookout for terrible sports journalism, but in case I don't post again for a while, I wanted to wish you and yours a Happy Holiday Season!

Sincerely,

Ken T.
Senior Pension Plan Monitor
Fremulon Insurance,
Partridge, KS
at

5 comments:

  1. dak12/19/2006 3:22 PM

    I just wanted to chime in here and wish everyone a calculated, objectively pre-determined holiday season.

    I recommend that everyone design a metric to calculate which family members he or she loves the most; and purchase gifts, spend time and emotional energy accordingly.

    Love,
    dak

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  2. dak12/19/2006 3:25 PM

    Also, Ken -- I never asked.

    How are things down in Fremulon's Argentina division?

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  3. Anonymous12/20/2006 1:51 AM

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  4. Anonymous12/21/2006 12:21 AM

    We are taking a bath in Argentina. I don't even want to talk about it.

    Also, I did a VORR (Value Over Replacement Relative) analysis, and the results shocked me:

    Older Sister: 23.3
    Mom: 19.8
    Dad: 12.6 (!!!)
    Younger Sister: 8.8
    Cousin: 3.1 (makes sense -- he was injured most of the year)
    Uncle: -1.1

    I was going to get my dad a pair of fancy sunglasses, but after crunching the numbers I scaled back to a 3-month NetFlix subscription. Yet another way statistics have saved people money.

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  5. dak12/21/2006 1:57 PM

    Hey KT -- sorry to hear about FI-ARG. I know how much that means to you.

    Anyway, funny story. December 1988. Little ten-year-old dak is crunching his first ever set of VORR's. Crude calculations, sure, but enough to get the job done.

    First number: Mom. Comes out to 0.0. "That can't be right," dak says to himself.

    Next up: Dad. 0.1. "Huh?" Sis: 0.0. "What the?" Uncle Larry: -0.1. "Really?"

    I go back over the numbers. Everything looks right to me. Somehow, the numbers I was getting suggested that my relatives were a lot more like replacement relatives than real relatives.

    And believe it or not, that's when I realized I was adopted.

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