Hey! Do You Guys Like Sports?

Then you'll love ESPN's segment "Who's Now"! It's a sports segment about sports persons and it's on a sports network!

In this edition, ESPN, the Worldwide Leader in Sports, devotes several minutes of my time (yes: my time) to discussing, with Stuart Scott, Mike Greenberg, Adam Sandler, and Kevin James, which of Tom Brady and Maria Sharapova is more "now."

Scott: Lot of talent on their field, or court. And a lot of buzz, because, let's face it, everybody talks a lot about how hot these two are.

Greenberg: The one thing I was thinking going into this, if there's a toss-up, maybe you actually go to the sports. --

Off Camera Voice: (as if this is a shocking notion) Wow.

Greenberg: -- Who's actually the greater player. In my opinion, Brady is closer to being the best quarterback in football than Sharapova is to being the best tennis player in the world.

(There is a fraction of a second where everyone involved with this miserable tragedy seems to be thinking: Man. It is a little weird that this is the flagship program on the #1 sports network in the world, and this is a recurring segment with like tons of graphics and fan voting and stuff, and one of our regular anchor-types just suggested that maybe if we need a like tie-breaker issue to figure out which of these athletes wins this contest that we're having, we might actually examine their relative abilities in the sports which they play. Then, Stuart Scott says...)

Scott: If you guys were having a party, and you had to invite one of them -- it's a Hollywood party -- who do you invite?

And then Adam Sandler makes jokes about hotness, Sharapova vs. Brady's girlfriends, and Sportscenter "rolls on."

What happened to ESPN? Seriously.