SportsCenter, earlier today. John Anderson's got Sean Salisbury by his side to answer some questions about football, in a framework having something to do with a 6-pack of beer. The topic: QB predictions for the upcoming NFL season. At the end, John Anderson thanks Sean Salisbury as anybody would...with a weird Johnny Carson homage:
"We asked you [Sean] to talk in the future; I'm going to show you I'm a bit of a Carnac myself."
[Anderson holds piece of paper up to his forehead]
"Skinned knee; Veruca from Willa Wonka; former USC playmaker."
[Anderson tears paper and then blows on it, which is weird because it's just a piece of paper and not an envelope.]
"Strawberry; blueberry; Salisbury."
But guess what?
VERUCA WASN'T THE ONE WHO TURNED INTO A BLUEBERRY IT WAS VIOLET BEAUREGARDE EVERYONE KNOWS THAT THERE'S EVEN A FAMOUS LINE WHERE VIOLET'S DAD GOES "VIOLET, YOU'RE TURNING VIOLET VIOLET" VERUCA WAS THE SNOBBY ONE WHO WENT DOWN THE "BAD EGG" HATCH COME ON ANDERSON THIS IS DAY ONE WONKA SHIT DON'T PULL CARNAC OUT OF YOUR ASS IF YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR FUCKING WONKSTONE ALSO IF YOU'RE GOING TO USE A "BERRY" REF FROM WILLY WONKA WHY WOULDN'T YOU USE "SNOZZBERRY" UGGGH ANDERSON YOU'RE FUCKING KILLING ME
I feel like 4% better now.
Labels: food metaphors, john anderson, sean salisbury, willy wonka