FIRE JOE MORGAN: Let's Welcome The New Guy


Where Bad Sports Journalism Came To Die

FJM has gone dark for the foreseeable future. Sorry folks. We may post once in a while, but it's pretty much over. You can still e-mail dak, Ken Tremendous, Junior, Matthew Murbles, or Coach.

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Thursday, October 11, 2007


Let's Welcome The New Guy

The man you see on the left of your screen is named Gerry Fraley. I don't believe we've had the pleasure of writing about you before, Gerry. Welcome.

I see you've chosen to write about a New York ballclub. Ah, the Yankees. Excellent choice. Untrod soil. Virgin territory. You're a regular Vasco da Gama.

Cleveland put the New York Yankees out of their misery on Monday night, bouncing them from the American League playoffs. What comes next is an exodus from the Bronx.

Well, no. What comes next are your opinions on who should exit the Bronx. It's very possible any or all of your opinions are wrong, or certainly that your recommendations will not be heeded. Very very very possible. Astoundingly possible. You're Gerry Fraley, and they are the Yankees.

Manager Joe Torre should go.

He's not terrible. The general feeling around here is that unless he's absolute human garbage, a manager doesn't impact the team all that much. Why should he go?

The Yankees of recent seasons did not play with the same verve as the clubs early in his tenure.

Oh. Verve. I think that's in the contract actually. The Bittersweet Symphony clause. If verve drops below 46 verve points, manager cannot continue in any capacity. Your 2008 Yankees manager: the bassist for the Verve Pipe.

I've always wanted to artlessly jam references to both the Verve and the Verve Pipe into a single paragraph in a blog about sports commentary.

That says as much about the players as it does about the manager.

So, right. Kick Torre's ass to the curb. Excellent point.

Third baseman Alex Rodriguez should go, exercising the escape clause in his contract.

You are feeding our monster here, you know that, Gerry? Well done, sir. You are quite an enabler.

What his new employer will get is the player whom peers refer to as "The Cooler." Rodriguez will put up big numbers and vanish when most needed.

New metric: number of derogatory nicknames based on William H. Macy motion pictures player has earned. A-Rod's Bill Macy Derogatory Nickname Count: 1. Until next year, when he will be referred to as both "The Shoveller" and "Jurassic Park III."

He did it again in the division series, going 4-for-15 with a meaningless homer late in the final game. When the Yankees needed Rodriguez to do something in the first inning, when they had two on against canny Paul Byrd, he struck out.

Again with the meaningless tag to that homer. Folks, a four-run lead is not insurmountable for the Yankees offense. If Derek Jeter doesn't hit into a double play the inning previous, maybe the homer isn't so meaningless. Christ, what am I talking about? It's a run! In a playoff game! How can that be meaningless? Silly A-Rod. Should've known the at bat he'd be crucified for ex post facto was the one in the first inning.

Catcher Jorge Posada should go.

He's old. He also posted a .426 OBP last year. That is no typo. .970 OPS. What? Those are cartoon numbers. Those numbers don't believe in their own existence. But yeah, fuck him. Jose Molina time or whatever.

Commercial star Roger Clemens should go.

Zing! Has anyone else noticed how awful Clemstone's wife is in that cell phone ad? Hamity ham ham sandwich, Clemens' wife. Tone it down.

In truth, Clemens has hurt his team in each of the last two seasons. Houston went 9-10 in his well-paid starts last season, and the Yankees were 8-10.

Holy assChrist. Yeah, Clemens was unimpressive this year. But last year? You're saying he hurt his team last year? 2.30 ERA, 1.04 WHIP, 16 out of 19 starts with 2 or fewer earned runs allowed ... that's ungodly dominance. A reader sent the following in, so I'm not sure if it's accurate, but what the hell: "Clemens had a 3.09 ERA. Not overall, but in Houston's LOSSES. That would rank 2nd in the NL in 2006. Yeah, the damage he did to that 2006 Astros team is irreparable."

But of course --

Houston went 9-10 in his well-paid starts last season

Nice cherry-pick, Gerry. Good to have you on board.

Closer Mariano Rivera should go.

Given the hunger for relievers, Rivera will have appeal on the free-agent market. He may want to sign on with another contender rather than hang around for the razing and rebuilding that lies ahead for the Yankees.

This doesn't explain why the Yankees should let him go. Weirdly, you turned around and took Mo's point of view on this one. I guess that shouldn't surprise me. You are, in fact, a crazy person.

I can't wait for the years and years of razing and rebuilding that the New York Fucking Yankees are going to undergo. They won't be back in the playoffs for decades!!!

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posted by Junior  # 3:12 AM
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