Clemens Had a Fountain of Youth in Vioxx
What was Clemens's youth dew of choice? A miracle lotion in the form of a steroid called "the cream"? A droplet of the steroid known as THG? Or an injection of a good old-fashioned steroid in the rumpus?
Actually, it was Vioxx, the prescription pain reliever withdrawn from the market in September because of a study that showed the drug doubled the risk of heart attack and stroke.
Well, actually actually, it was the last thing you said in the previous paragraph. Winstrol. And humorously, Clemens was too scared to inject himself, and that seems to be one of the only reasons his name is in the Mitchell Report today. So yeah: Vioxx, Winstrol, and also some HGH."To be honest, my thoughts were: 'O.K., how's my body going to hold up? I can't take Vioxx anymore,' " Clemens said.
It's cool. You can keep having a guy stick you in your back door meat with Winstrol. Remember Winstrol? It turned your arm into magic again.
This was either a candid admission by a renowned pitcher about his fragile age or a kind of masking agent for prior use of steroids. What a clever alibi Clemens would have if his statistics, body and arm break down this year: See, it was the Vioxx vacuum, not steroid withdrawal.
Kudos, New York Times reporter Selena Roberts. Now hold on, big chunk coming:
In his new book, Canseco depicts Clemens as a player with expert knowledge of steroids who was frustrated with 'roid-infused hitters catching up to his fastball.
Clemens didn't respond to the book with a categorical denial of steroid use, but he did have a comeback for Canseco, a habitual lawbreaker.
As Canseco wrote: "One of the benefits of steroids is that they're especially helpful in countering the effects of aging. So in Roger's case, around the time he was leaving the Boston Red Sox - and Dan Duquette, the general manager there, was saying he was 'past his prime' - Roger decided to make some changes. He started working out harder. And whatever else he may have been doing to get stronger, he saw results."
Is such innuendo blasphemy to Clemens's holy legacy of work ethic? "I could care less," Clemens said.
"I've talked to some friends of his," Clemens said. "And I've teased them that when you're under house arrest and have ankle bracelets on, you have a lot of time to write a book."
Clemens added, "After I did all that hilarious teasing, I went home and had a guy inject me with illegal steroids. It felt good. 18, 20, 25 million dollars good. You see, I am not a loser under house arrest who has to write a book like Jose Canseco. The difference between him and me as that I will never, ever get caught using steroids. Ever."
Labels: roger clemens, steroids
