FIRE JOE MORGAN: Have You Ever Noticed This About Parenthood?

FIRE JOE MORGAN

Where Bad Sports Journalism Came To Die

FJM has gone dark for the foreseeable future. Sorry folks. We may post once in a while, but it's pretty much over. You can still e-mail dak, Ken Tremendous, Junior, Matthew Murbles, or Coach.

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Sunday, February 24, 2008

 

Have You Ever Noticed This About Parenthood?

Being a dad is crazy! Oh my God, it's so insane. If you don't have kids, you just have no idea what it's like. Kids are nuts. I'd like to share just a few little observations I have to make about being a dad.

1. Just kidding. Here's a dumb quote from Dusty Baker.

Baker has repeatedly talked about the desire to have a do-it-all leadoff hitter with speed.

Dusty is the only one who wants this?

What kinds of hitters is he looking for further down the lineup? Does he want guys with lofty on-base percentages? The answer will likely not sit well with fans of the book "Moneyball," because Baker said he believes the OBP statistic is overvalued.

I can't wait for what comes next. This is the single most exciting thing that has happened to me in the past week.

"I'm big on driving in runs and scoring runs," Baker said.


Huh. Seems like an odd way to go about winning baseball games, but okay. I mean, I would challenge your "driving in runs/scoring runs" strategy as outdated. Have you tried the modern and new methodology of: philosophizing about runs, and then sort of "surrounding" the runs with positively-charged ions, and then "inducing" runs with a combination of computer-aided design and game theory-based modeling?

Despair, Cincy fans. Your manager is giving an interview, and feels the need to announce that he is "big" on "driving in runs" and also "scoring runs." The man is a dummkopf.

"Guys in the middle should score about close to equal to what they drive in.

"About close to equal" is the set. Here's the spike:

On-base percentage, that's fine and dandy. But a lot of times guys get so much into on-base percentage that they cease to swing. It's becoming a little bit out of control.

And if they swing...and get on base...they have increased their...what, Dusty? Their...what? Their "On-blank-blank." Sound it out. Their "On-blank-Percentage." You can do it: their...okay. Forget it.

And yes, I know what he is saying. He is saying that he wants his guys to swing and get hits to "drive runners in," because he is "big" on that. But patient hitters, who walk a lot, are often better hitters, who hit better when they swing than impatient hitters, because they swing at better pitches. Forcing patient hitters to swing more = a bad idea.

Oh -- before, when I said that was the spike? I was wrong. Here's the spike. And it's a doozy.

"What you do is run the pitcher's count up, that helps," Baker said. "You put him in the stretch, that helps.

Correct. Correct. Now undermine it.

But your job in the middle is to either score them or drive them in. The name of the game is scoring runs. Sometimes, you get so caught up in on-base percentage that you're clogging up the bases."

Blammo!

Kerpow!

Bler-mump!

Sowpods!

I really can't understand how he can be "big" on scoring runs and driving in runs, but down on "clogging up the bases" with men who will (a) score the runs by (b) providing an opportunity for others to drive them in. You cannot score runs any other way. Unlessssssss -- I got it. He wants solo home run experts. That's it. He wants really fast runners, who will hit solo home runs and then run really fast around the bases. Okay. My apologies.

Despair, Cincy fans. Despair.

Next time: Dirty Diapers -- They're So Stinky!

Labels: ,


posted by Ken Tremendous  # 12:51 AM
Comments:
Hey, Dad. I'm six fucking days old. How about not blogging for two hours and, I don't know...picking me up or something.

I am doomed.
 
You'll be fie, kid. Suck it up and keep scanning that Bruce Jenkins article.

Also, many people sent us this article, but Rick was the first to complain about not getting a hat tip, so:

Hat Tip: Everyone Who Sent Us the Article Except Rick. (And also Rick, who seems like a nice guy.)
 
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