FIRE JOE MORGAN: Cancel All Slogans


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Tuesday, March 04, 2008


Cancel All Slogans

Think of your favorite baseball team. Got it? Now think of what a slogan for that team would be. I bet you're thinking something like, "Welcome to Loser Country" or "Losers, Incorporated" or "We Play Like Assholes" or "Fuck it." Because who wants a confident slogan? Slogans are meant to be realistic. Humble. On second thought, let's just cancel all slogans. Mottoes, catchphrases, rallying cries. Get out of here. Too arrogant.

Wallace Matthews, you're with me.

Last year, the Mets were so confident about assuming their rightful place atop the baseball world, they adopted the marketing slogan "Your Season Has Come."

The slogan was presumptuous at best, arrogant and irritating at worst. And by the time the 2007 Mets completed the most ignominious regular-season collapse in the history of sports, it had become an embarrassment

Dude. It's a fucking slogan. Marketing came up with it. Who cares? Seriously. [checks Wallace Matthews' forehead] I think you have a fever. It's really bad. Oh my god. Oh my god, your brains are leaking out of your ears.

Wallace Matthews: This slogan is arrogant!

So this year, wisely, the Mets' marketing department has put a kibosh on the slogan factory. Or, at least, they aren't telling us yet what the official theme of the 2008 season will be.

Who. Cares. What the slogan.


It could be "Play ball!" or "Get Met!" or "9/11 was an inside job!" or "2008 Mets: Still No Women!" This is no reflection on the players.

In the interest of being helpful, we humbly offer the following suggestions,



There's no sense in going with something as boastful and contemptuous of the realities of baseball as last year's slogan,

How about a billboard that just shows Baseball Prospectus' playoff odds in real time? That would be a good slogan.

I'm serious.

because right now, it is tough to read how good this Mets team is going to be.

Well yeah, no one knows for sure. But PECOTA sure likes the Mets, to the tune of a 95-67 record and first in the National League. PECOTA's far from infallible, of cours --

Aside from Santana, Jose Reyes and David Wright,

That's a little like saying "aside from Bird, McHale, and Parish." "Aside from Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson, there are like no fucking presidents on Mt. Rushmore."

the roster is aging and lacks depth. Have we seen the best of Carlos Delgado, Carlos Beltran, Moises Alou, Pedro Martinez and Billy Wagner? Probably so, and it hasn't been good enough.

Yeah, most of those guys are old. Beltran is 30 years old right now. Let's not assume he's settled into a routine of CBS crime shows and Malt-O-Meal just yet.

So far, this incarnation of the Mets, this $145-million boondoggle, hasn't been nearly as good as it was supposed to be

They won 88 and 97 games the past two years. But PLAYOFFS@#$%$%$%!@#$@!!! I know, I know. Okay. They collapsed horribly last fall. Turn the page. They finished second by one game and added the best pitcher in baseball.

But heart and balls and guts and stuff!!!

Can the addition of Santana, who can help out only once every five days, really cure all that ailed the 2007 Mets, the failures of heart and discipline and character?

No. They're doomed. It's March 4th. Rebuild. Put 'em on a submarine and launch it into space. Santana too. Who ever said he had any heart? He sucks, am I right people?

You're straying from the point, Matthews, which is as follows:

How dare they write an optimistic slogan???

posted by Junior  # 9:05 PM
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