For future 70-IQish aspiring sportswriters who think it is interesting or amusing to write about curses, a lesson: things that happen in the normal course of baseball seasons do not count as evidence of a supernatural influence. You can't say, "Yesterday, Michael Cuddyer grounded out to second with two on in the eighth. See?! The Twins are cursed!" This list, therefore, does not advance the theory of a "curse." Here's a rewritten version that could actually hold up under scrutiny:The Sox are cursed again. Think about the season so far:
Now you try, Mr. Chuck.
Oh sure, every team has physical problems,
CORRECT. END ARTICLE.
but with 10 players, 10 DL stints to major players, the Red Sox have proven to not be immune.
Read that again, and imagine typing it, looking it over, and thinking: "Yup. That's how I want to phrase this. Perfect." Now open your eyes. Relax! It was just a terrible dream.
I spoke to a number of medical people yesterday and they all told me this is just something you don't see a lot in baseball; it's more of a hockey player or golfer's injury. In fact, when GM Theo Epstein was asked in a press conference yesterday who Ortiz' injury could be compared to
[sic sic sic sic sic]. Damn is that a [sic]. "...who Ortiz' injury could be compared to"? Personally, I would compare Ortiz' [sic] injury to General Montgomery. Or, no -- I would compare his injury to Paul Reiser.
he was somewhat stumped, "The closest would be Schilling's ankle, but that was a complete rupture, this is only a partial tear." He also said that you can't compare it to Nomar Garciaparra's wrist injury because he split the tendon. Ortiz' tendon is fine, it just keeps popping over the bone and he can hear it pop, and when it does, it hurts.
He doesn't sound stumped to me. He sounds pretty in control of the analogy situation.
I asked a couple of members of the Red Sox hierarchy what caused the injury and as far as they could tell it was an awkward swing that Big Papi took. Now with all the thousands of swings that major leaguers have taken and really no other reports of an injury of this nature having occurred, are you going to tell me that this is not a curse?
Sorry, are you looking for an answer? Oh. Okay. Yes, I am going to tell you that this is not a curse.
Again, here's how you should write this if you really want to argue it's a curse.
Now with all the thousands of swings that major leaguers have taken and really no other reports of an injury of this nature having occurred -- and given that as he swung a howling, gaping hell-maw opened 'neath his mighty form and a thousand dæmons cri'd out for vengeance upon 'is 'ead -- are you going to tell me that this is not a curse?
See? Stronger argument.
Ortiz said that his doctor told him, "70 to 80 percent of the people that have this, when they get a cast," it normally goes back to normal.
Is there a grammatical symbol that you can use that means that an entire chunk of text is [sic], just to save time? I will now invent one: [yikes]. This whole article is [yikes].
I don't want to parse words but what's your definition of "normal?" And for that matter, what's your definition of "people?"
Most people don't make their living hitting 400-foot blasts into the stands by being able to snap their wrist as their bat explodes on a 95-mph fastball.
I'm going to go ahead and assume that when a doctor examines David Ortiz and gives a diagnosis, he will give the diagnosis in light of what other athletes can expect. I don't think it's like:Doctor: Most people who have an injury like this recover in about 4-6 weeks.
One move I cannot see happening is bringing in Barry B*nds.
Try telling that to dak.
Think about the disruption to the clubhouse chemistry, this move would far outweigh any bat production. It would be like replacing Madame Curie with Dr. Doom.
No, this team is cursed, but not stupid.
Not cursed, either, actually.
What is this curse, I keep referring to?
The Curse of There's No Such Thing As Curses?
It's, "The Curse of Harry Frazee." Now, you may ask aren't I already referring to the "Curse of the Bambino" in which Red Sox owner sold Babe Ruth to the New York Yankees in order to fund his Broadway musical "No, No, Nanette?"
Not even really the actual series of events. Not a curse.
And hasn't that already been broken by the Red Sox World Championship of 2004?
No, because it wasn't a curse.
Yes, that curse
Not a curse.
has been broken,
Wasn't broken, because it wasn't a curse.
but there is another Frazee curse
No such thing as curses.
that continues to afflict the Boston Red Sox.
No it doesn't, whatever it is, because it's not a curse, because there's no such thing as curses.
No possible evidence of curse/no such thing as curses.
requires a very simple chronology:
The Red Sox have never won back-to-back World Championships ever since Frazee bought the team.Holy shit you guys.
And in 2008, Big Papi tore extensor carpi ulnaris sheath or as I call it "a curse."
(a) Holy effing ess!
(b) That last sentence deserves its own [yikes].
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