FIRE JOE MORGAN: Galli-M. Auf-Ry Der Maur


Where Bad Sports Journalism Came To Die

FJM has gone dark for the foreseeable future. Sorry folks. We may post once in a while, but it's pretty much over. You can still e-mail dak, Ken Tremendous, Junior, Matthew Murbles, or Coach.

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Tuesday, June 10, 2008


Galli-M. Auf-Ry Der Maur

Finally...the perfect pun. Nailed it.

Mauf to the races! (I can't turn it off, people.)

First off, reader Joseph Z. -- just to be sure, reader Joseph M. Z. -- reminds us that Dusty Baker is still a crazy person:

"Junior has given a lot to this game and this city," Baker said. "You go look at his body and his injury list, and he's left a lot of bones, muscles, tendons and ligaments out on that field. You dig up that field, and there's a lot of Junior bones in it."

What a weird fucking way to make a point. You guys, I'm not doing anything tomorrow night. Anybody want to go look at Ken Griffey Junior's body and injury list?

Interesting side note: if you do dig up the Junior bones under the outfield of the Funtimes USA Ballpark, Carl Everett will insist that those bones were merely put there to test us, and that Ken Griffey Jr. has in fact never existed.

Mauf with their heads!

Jeff B., hit my shit:
In case nobody has notified you guys yet, it appears the idea of the "base-clogger" has taken root among the MLB scouting bureau itself. Check out these official scouting reports on a few top prospects in last week's draft: Yonder Alonso; Eric Hosmer; Petey Paramore.

I'm sure there are plenty more, but these are a few among the biggest names in the draft. These reports raise a few questions. What is the cutoff speed between cloggers and non-cloggers? What "instincts" does Alonso have that keep him from being a clogger? Do Hosmer and Paramore have bad instincts on the basepaths? Does Alonso take a running start two seconds before the pitcher delivers? Could the folks at really not find any better scouting reports than these to post on the web?
Really, no. They couldn't. It's only the official site of Major League Baseball. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Several of you have written us about this unholy nightmare of a column from that most preeminent source of revisionist SABR-related material: The Huffington Post.

Wherever Cliff Floyd goes, his teams win. Not only do they win, they turnaround. It's as if before Floyd got there not only weren't they winning but his teams appeared to have little idea how to win...It's not like Floyd carries his teams. He's typically not the best player. It's something about his presence that does it.

We don't think is a joke, but you can never be sure. Dave Hollander says the 2008 Rays, the 2007 Cubs, the 2003 Mets, and the 1997 Marlins all have Cliff Floyd to thank for their success. I'm not exaggerating -- read the article. It's hysterical.

You ever notice how some guys, team after team, always end up on the championship teams? Why did Robert Horry, Dennis Johnson and Bob Dandridge always show up in the NBA Finals?...Why did David Eckstein, Paul O'Neill and Curt Schilling figure prominently in multiple World Series with multiple teams?

Would it be worth having a discussion with this guy? A discussion that turned into an argument? Almost everyone reading this website thinks the answer is something like "coincidence" or "just because they played for multiple good teams doesn't mean they have the power to lift their teammates' performance any more so than tens of thousands of ballplayers in the history of sport." In the other corner, Dave Hollander thinks Cliff Floyd is a demigod. How do you even start a dialogue?

The piece ends with more nonsense from Rays' skipper Joe Maddon:

Tampa Bay skipper Joe Maddon told that Floyd's dramatic homer sent his jubilant Rays rushing onto Tropicana Field, but the celebration didn't erupt until Floyd got to home plate.

"They were waiting on Cliff Floyd ... and that really stood out for me -- what they think of him," Maddon said. "Cliff from the very first day I met him, among the position players, he had that influence."

Following a walk-off tater, when have you ever seen a team "erupt" in celebration before the dude gets to home plate? This article designed to convince me that Cliff Floyd is a special kind of player has only reaffirmed my belief that he is almost exactly like every other baseball player. I hate people.

Finally, Brian R. made a nice point about Jay Bruce, who I was pretty enamored with following his small sample size quote. Lest we get too excited...

Of course, he also said, "There's only one Ken Griffey."

(Yes, I know what he meant, but I still laughed at that.)

So did we, Brian. So. Did. W.


Sign Bonds

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posted by dak  # 3:15 AM
Counterpoint from reader Kurt R. on's base-clogging scouting reports:

i have to take exception to jeff b taking exception to the base-clogging references in the mlb scouting reports. in those reports, that term is used specifically to refer to those players' base running abilities and not some general indictment of their offensive value. this is way different than dusty baker expressing a preference that his slower players not draw walks or whatever it is that goes thru his addled head. obviously the importance of base running as a skill pales in comparison to actually getting on base to begin with ... but it does matter.
A few of you have written in to nominate Robin Ventura's famous "walk-off grand slam single" as an answer to the "when have you ever seen a team 'erupt'..." question.

I guess, yeah. Good for you.

Good for all of us.

This is so boring.
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