Every day 100,000,000 people say a combined 4,000,000,000 meaningless things about baseball. (Those numbers are exact, by the way.) Harping on any one of these things said seems just as meaningless as saying it in the first place, but, we made the mistake of creating this blog and everything. It's our fault, really.
Brian Sabean was on 710 ESPN radio today, and was asked who he liked to win the National League pennant. A two-minute response in which he didn't pick a team ended with the following: "One thing we've learned: any [team that] wins the first round is dangerous, and can win the World Series."
Oh really, Sabes? Let's take a look at some recent teams, and see just how right you are.
- 2007 Boston Red Sox: Won in the first round; won the World Series
- 2007 Philadelphia Phillies: Lost in the first round; did not win the World Series
- 2006 Oakland Athletics: Won in the first round; did not win the World Series, but were dangerous, and could have won the World Series if they had not lost in the ALCS
- 2006 Los Angeles Dodgers: Lost in the first round; did not win the World Series
- 2005 Chicago White Sox: Won in the first round; won the World Series (were also dangerous)
- 2005 Kansas City Royals: Did not win in the first round (missed playoffs); did not win World Series
Holy shit -- he's right.
But it's so mindbending...any of the four teams who win in the first round can win the World Series? And
they're all dangerous? It's so counter-intuitive that I feel like we're lucky that we've learned that at all! How could it be that teams still competing in the playoffs have a better chance of winning the World Series than teams that have been eliminated? Goddam, this is like trying to read The Sound and the Fury
for the first time.
Okay, I've spent the last six hours really deep in thought. I did some meditating, some breathing exercises, took like 6 Provigil, ate about 9 ounces of $800/oz. ginseng, and roughly 3/4 of a dose of teonanácatl. I put Sabean's quote on the wall and just stared at until I was able to come up with some other Truths. Here's what I came up with:
1. Any team that makes the playoffs is dangerous and can win the World Series.
2. Any team that wins the second round is dangerous and can win the World Series.
3. Any team that wins the World Series is dangerous and can win the World Series.
4. Any team that is within about 10 games of first place at the end of August is dangerous and can win the World Series.
5. All of the matter and all of the void is connected in a way that is beautiful, terrifying, and perfect.
6. Brian Sabean signed Barry Zito to a $126MM contract.
Labels: barry zito, baseball, brian sabean, drugs, faulkner, food metaphors, liberal use of "food metaphors" label