Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Dear Jon Heyman

Okay, I thought I was finished, but I'm not.

Dear Jon Heyman,

I know you probably think you're a guy who "doesn't rely on stats" and "thinks there's more to the game than numbers," but I submit to you that the only reason you selected Francisco Rodriguez to be your AL MVP (MVP!) is that he corralled a large (a record, in fact -- !) number of saves. Saves, as I'm sure you've been told many times, are a ridiculous stat, the kind of stat that gives stats a bad name. So you really shouldn't use them when making such important decisions as selecting your fictional #1 MVP choice on your fake MVP ballot.

I will now list various players, persons, and other entities in the American League of U.S.A. professional baseball who were more valuable than Francisco Rodriguez:

Grady Sizemore
Joe Mauer
Dustin Pedroia
Alex Rodriguez
Carlos Quentin
Josh Hamilton
Milton Bradley
Aubrey Huff
Miguel Cabrera
Kevin Youkilis
Ian Kinsler
Brian Roberts
Nick Markakis
Vladimir Guerrero
Mark Teixeira
Jermaine Dye
Cliff Lee
Roy Halladay
Ervin Santana
Joe Saunders
Jon Lester
Daisuke Matsuzaka
John Danks
Joe Nathan
Mariano Rivera
Joakim Soria
Joe Maddon
Terry Francona
Mike Scioscia
The crowd at Camden Yards
A replay monitor
Heart, the intangible quality
Heart, the band
Ed Hochuli
The wind
Chief Wahoo
Jim Abbott
Curtis Pride
Roberto Petagine
Levi Johnston
Birds -- all of them. Just birds in general.
This guy Rick who fixed my rearview mirror
Zombie Bernie Mac
I bet if Scot Shields or Jose Arredondo were the closer they would have broken Bobby Thigpen's record too, I'm just saying -- does this count as an entity?
Evan Longoria

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