The Toronto Blue Jays are third-to-last in the AL in runs scored, with only the hapless Royals and the haplesser Mariners cushioning them from the absolute cellar. GM J.P. Ricciardi has already kicked Frank Thomas to the curb, A.J. Burnett's openly talking about playing for the Cubs, and in a cruel Bizarro World twist, the Tampa Bay Rays are making a push for the AL East crown.
So what do you do if you're Ricciardi, you're calling into The Fan 590 to talk shop, and Kevin from Halifax pisses you off a little?
You say Adam Dunn hates baseball, that's what you do.
“He’s a lifetime .230, .240 hitter that strikes out a ton and hits home runs,” Ricciardi said.These are not the arguments to use against Adam Dunn. He's a butcher in the field and there are legitimate concerns, I think, that he's at least partially a creation of Great American Ballpark -- there's a damn near 70-point swing in his career home/away OPS.
You say he's a .230, .240 hitter (it's actually .247) -- I say he's a career .382 OBP hitter. Compare that to, I don't know, the quintessential table setter, the most professional hitter in bat sports, my nomination for first man to walk on Mars, Derek Sanderson Jeter -- career .386 OBP hitter.
Yes, Dunn hits home runs. He has 18 this year. Your Toronto Blue Jay home run leader this year: Matt Stairs, with 8.
“Do you know the guy doesn’t really like baseball that much?” Ricciardi said to the caller. “Do you know the guy doesn’t have a passion to play the game that much? How much do you know about the player?I know that on the list of
Career At Bats Per Home Run, All-Time, Adam Dunn ranks fifth. Fifth! The men ahead of him:
Mark McGwire
Babe Ruth
Barry Bonds
Jim Thome
This is skewed because Dunn hasn't gone through his decline phase yet, but still: fifth!
Can you imagine being that good at something and not caring about it at all? That must be fun. If Adam Dunn would just show some fire out there, the least he could do is pass Bonds and Ruth on this list. But no, we all know what Dunn's true passion is: his world-renowned team of trained swallows. (NB: Do not, I repeat, do not, perform a Google image search of "trained swallows" (no quotation marks).)
“There’s a reason why you’re attracted to some players and there’s a reason why you’re not attracted to some players. I don’t think you’d be very happy if we brought Adam Dunn here …Dude, again, I'm not saying you should definitely trade for Adam Dunn. He's not a savior by any means. But your current leader in OPS is Rod Barajas, at .821.
Current Adam Dunn, despite his piss-poor .227 BA, would lead your team in R, HR, RBI, OBP, SLG, and (of course) OPS. But you're not "attracted" to him, naturally, because he's such a passionless turd.
I actually have some sympathy for Ricciardi here. You know who sucks on the Blue Jays this year? Everyone. All of them. Vernon Wells sucks. Alex Rios sucks. Scott Rolen sucks. David Eckstein...well, Eckstein is awesome. And a lot of these guys simply shouldn't be sucking as much as they're sucking. I don't know that it's completely fair to pillory Ricciardi for the same reason that I don't think Mark Shapiro is a miserable GM because Victor Martinez, Travis Hafner, and Jhonny Peralta have been absolute black holes for a third of a season.
“We’ve done our homework on guys like Adam Dunn and there’s a reason why we don’t want Adam Dunn. I don’t want to get into specifics.”Adam Dunn is a North Korean spy. There. I said it. Are you happy? I'm gonna get shot now. I hope you're happy, Kevin from Halifax. I call in to The Fan 590 looking for some softballs, trying to be nice to you people, and now you've just made me sign my own death certificate. Hey, intern guy, could I get a Coke Zero or something? This is unbelievable. [gunshot, sound of a body falling to the ground]
Labels: adam dunn, blue jays, j.p. ricciardi
From reader Eli, and the Toronto
Globe and Mail, comes a quotation from the Blue Jays/Scott Rolen
Press Conference:
"I believe that I am as strong and I know I feel as good and as strong as I've been in the last three years, by far," he said. "I need to play baseball and be a dirt bag."
That is the term Ricciardi used to describe Rolen's hurly-burly style of play. The general manager said it also applies to shortstop David Eckstein, who signed a free-agent contract with the Jays in December.
Ricciardi believes their moxie gives the Blue Jays hope for overhauling the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees in the competitive American League East in 2008.
"If you look at the division we play in, Boston has a bunch of dirt bags, the Yankees have a bunch of dirt bags," Ricciardi said. "We have some, but we need more."
I don't think you mean "
dirt bag." I think maybe you mean "
Dirt Dog," or something. Saying you need more "dirtbags" on your team is like saying, "We need more skeevy dudes who will get drunk and wear tank tops and get tattoos that say 'Born to Bone' and listen to Nickelback and try to roofee some chicks."
You know. Like
these guys.
Also: Eckstein is on the Blue Jays! That's hilarious.
EDIT:
Aaron has sent us
this article about the Long Beach State 49ers baseball team, which has a long and inexplicably proud history of being referred to as "dirtbags." (This whole debate is feeling very deja vu-ish to me -- has this happened before? ) Anyway, regardless of the fact that "dirtbags" was used to refer to that bunch of baseball players, I am going to go ahead and recommend that the term cease to be used in a non-pejorative way. I mean, dirtbags means: dirtbags. Men of questionable moral character, who wear lots of cologne and get fake tans and spike their hair and flash gang signs at the camera when their picture is taken even though they grew up quite white-ly in Dumont, NJ and think that pec size is fucking
key to getting chicks and had their most spiritual moment ever at an Everclear concert in 1998 when the 'Clear played "Father of Mine" acoustic and it fucking
rocked and they have a good buddy who's serving 18 months for sexual assault but he was
totally innocent and someday they hope to like start their own club in Miami where the music would be awesome and there's dollar-Jaeger-shot Tuesdays and it would be fucking tiiiiiight.
Let's go for "Dirt Dogs," or something? Maybe?
Labels: blue jays, david eckstein, dirtbags, scott rolen
That's my attempt at a clever title for a bad article written about Frank Thomas. What do you guys think? Honestly. You can tell me honestly. I want to learn.
Anyway,
here's the article. It was sent to us by our loyal reader James, and it features the musings of rapidly-becoming-my-new-favorite-sportswriter Richard Griffin, about the Blue Jays rumored signing of Frank Thomas. Let's take a look-see.
Not wishing anything bad on an aging ballplayer who penned the best comeback story of the year, but the best thing that could happen for Jay fans in the next week would be if Frank Thomas failed his physical.Huh. Tell me why, there, Dick.
The anticipation of poor health is only wished upon the two-time former AL MVP if the reports emanating from the general managers meetings in Florida are true, that Toronto is on the verge of signing the 38-year-old slugger for a mega-contract of three years. Bad move.Yeah, I figured you would only want the guy to fail his physical if he were about to sign with the Jays. Otherwise, if you're just randomly hoping that guys fail their physicals, you're just a weird asshole.
For an organization that prides itself on thinking outside the box, in looking for key players in the discount bin of discarded, or lightly regarded talent, the Jays, by pursuing Thomas, are showing very little in the way of middle-market imagination.So...they can
only sign guys who are lightly regarded or something? If a guy who fills a need for the Jays (DH) and can be signed for short years becomes available through free agency, they shouldn't look at him unless he fulfills the requirement of being "discarded talent?" Why?
Dropping a plodding slugger into the heart of the order only serves to make this team more one-dimensional than ever.
The Jays should have seen the folly of that way of thinking in the second half, when their prized acquisition, third baseman Troy Glaus, slumped due to nagging injuries and, as much as he should be admired for playing through pain, dragged down an offence that went through the first half of the year as the AL leader in batting average and near the top in run production.Well, they still finished second in the AL in team OPS and fourth in OBP. And Glaus still struggled to the tune of (in 153 games) 38 HR, a .293 EqA and a 7.4 WARP3. Which was the exact same WARP3 as Alex Rodriguez. Who, despite what you might have heard, is actualy very very good at baseball.
All of the greatest Jays teams have combined extra-base power and batting average with the ability to steal a base and go aggressively from first to third and from second to home on a hit.Richard Griffin's Recipe for Success:
Look to the past for how to build towards the future.
Disregard how much the game has changed in 15 years.
Sign Kelly Gruber.
Sign Manny Lee at SS.
Ignore cold hard facts, like that the "Great" Blue Jays teams of the past also had phenomenal starting pitching and bullpens.
Ignore certain other cold hard facts about the hitting on those teams, like that the DH on the 1992 World Champion Blue Jays was 40 year-old Dave Winfield, who hit 28 HR for that team.
Sign Pat Tabler.
Practice writing every day!
Love your parents.
Be Prepared
The World Series years in the early `90s and the playoff seasons through the mid- to late-80s always included smart, aggressive base running. For every John Olerud there was a Devon White.Devon White had a .303 OBP in 1992. If he was smartly and aggressively running the bases, he wasn't doing it that often. (Amazingly, he
had a 7.5 WARP3, which shows you what a phenomenal defensive player he was.)
Now along comes the broken-down Thomas to take whatever managerial skills John Gibbons ever showed out of his hands. The Jays skipper is an NL guy at heart. He has always annoyed his GM, J.P. Ricciardi, by insisting on bunting runners into scoring position in late innings. After watching Thomas in the playoffs against the Tigers, there is nobody in baseball who runs the bases with less aggressiveness and speed. It's not his fault, due to an assortment of injuries, but the fact is Thomas makes Bengie Molina seem like Donovan Bailey."Hey, Ken?"
"Yeah?"
"Hey -- it's Minka Kelly, from 'Friday Night Lights.'"
"Hey, Minka. What's up?"
"I want to have sex with you."
"...Huh."
"Something wrong, Ken?"
"No, I mean...you're super hot, and I love your show, but...you can't run that fast."
"I'm sorry?"
"I don't know. You definitely have a lot of other skills. Like being hot, and having a perfect human form, and a great smile and flawless skin...and just to reiterate, you are crazy hot. But I really don't like to commit myself to a woman unless she can also run very quickly."
"...Okay. Well. That's fine."
"I'm sorry -- I just...I learned from the Toronto Star's Richard Griffin that even if you have certain skills in abundance, unless you can run the bases aggressively..."
"No, I get it. I guess."
"Cool. Thanks, for understanding, Minka."
"Hey...do you have Junior's number?"
As for the rumoured cost of acquiring Thomas, it would be in the area of $10 million (U.S.) for three years, or two plus an option, taking the Jays though 2009. If Ricciardi thought that Carlos Delgado's contract was an untradeable albatross, he ain't seen nuthin' yet.We're talking about a 2-year deal. Maybe 3. They will not have to trade Thomas. (Also, after Delgado signed his current deal, he was traded to the Mets. Neither here nor there, I guess.)
[Thomas] has a longer history of clubhouse divisiveness than he has of leadership — the one year in Oakland. Is he the kind of core, character player that the Jays claim to want to place under contract? No.He is the kind of core, character player who put up a .316 EqA and 39 HR in a large baseball park last year. He also seemed to get along with his teammates just fine.
The Jays would have been better off going after a healthier right-handed hitter with extra-base power who could also play the corner infield spots and has a sense of baserunning that makes up for a lack of pure speed.
Someone like, hmm, Shea Hillenbrand.This is one of the craziest things I have ever read. Honestly. I say that a lot, but I really believe this sets a new standard.
Frank Thomas has a history of clubhouse divisiveness.
He is not the kind of core, character plaer the Jays should go after.
They should go after a healthier right-handed hitter with extra base power who can play corner infield spots and a "sense of baserunning" that can make up for lack of speed.
They should get Shea Hillenbrand.
Shea Hillenbrand was dumped off the Blue Jays last year, if you all remember, for being one of the all-time assholes. He bitched and whined that no one congratulated him on adopting a child. He
got into a fistfight with his manager. He is a famous -- FAMOUS -- malcontent.
A malcontent FIRED BY THE BLUE JAYS LAST YEAR.
A malcontent who, in 80 games for the Blue Jays, before being let go because he is such a colossal twerp, had a -1 FRAR. (He only played 36 games in the field.) He had a 1.2 WARP and a .262 EqA. In 139 games last year, with the Jays and Giants, he walked 21 times.
At least he has an excellent baserunning acumen, to the tune of 16 SB and 9 CS in 868 career games. (Thomas has 32 and 23, if you're interested.)
He also made $5.8 million last year, Shea did, while being (I can't emphasize this enough) such a horrendous, unrelenting pain in the ass that the Blue Jays gave him his unconditional release.
Congratulations, Richard Griffin. You have written what I believe is the dumbest article of the year.
(
Editor's note: I take it back. This is the dumbest article of the year.)
Labels: blue jays, richard griffin, shea hillenbrand
