FIRE JOE MORGAN

Another guy doesn't like Adam Dunn. His name is Paul Daugherty, and I'm going to write about his column. It will be a total waste of time for everyone involved, particularly the reader. This territory has been covered one million times. Please, I beg you, do not waste your time reading about another Adam Dunn article.

Instead, I recommend checking out the photos of the fake-or-not Bigfoot of Georgia, arranging wake-up calls for your friends from Hannah Montana, or getting super high and playing with this thing.

Last warning: you have read this article and the corresponding criticism may times before, in slightly different forms. Go away, now.

Dunn Too Much To Afford
Defense, demeanor, salary too costly

The Reds, who are exciting only when they're not playing, traded Adam Dunn to the Arizona Diamondbacks Monday for a 23-year-old Class-A starting pitcher named Dallas Buck who, in another life, died in old Western movies...As insignificant as Dunn was to winning here, 40 homers and 100 RBI don't appear magically every March.

Nobody was winning in Cincinnati. Maybe Dunn was "insignificant to winning" (?) because his team sucked, and Dusty Baker chews a toothpick that makes him dumber. I'll give Daugherty this: it takes some pretty serious ballzos (an Italian word meaning "balls") to point out Dunn's massive productive abilities, and casually dismiss the notion that he might have been helping his team win in the same sentence. I look forward to reading Mr. Daugherty's new book: "Thousands and Thousands of Delicious Slices of Mouth-Watering Pizza That I've Eaten: I Hate Pizza."

Stop reading this, and call your mother or listen to Wowee Zowee or play some table tennis or whatever gets you through the day.

After the club traded Ken Griffey Jr., the brass wanted to see if Dunn would emerge as a clubhouse presence. Apparently, after 11 days, the brass had seen enough.

Why should this apply only to Dunn? Don't get me wrong -- I get why they traded him, though I don't understand why they didn't do it earlier. But let me ask this: did anyone emerge as a clubhouse presence after Griffey was traded? Why should Dunn be singled out for failing to do so? If that's one of the criteria that the Reds value, then shouldn't anyone who didn't emerge as a clubhouse presence be given the same demerits, even if it doesn't end in a trade?

Maybe it's because he's a veteran, and he makes a bunch of money, and you ask a little more of guys like that. I could see that. I'm sure they'll hold Francisco Cordero -- a player with more experience, making just a bit less than Dunn this year -- to the same scrutiny.

This is so boring and such old news. EVERYONE GO SWIMMING I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE A POOL OR NOT.

Regardless, Dunn's tax bracket didn't match his production, at least not here. He'd have wanted too much money for what he provided. Dunn was who he was: a guy who could hit a baseball 400 feet more often than almost anyone else, but couldn't produce a two-out RBI single.

Obviously the first thing you do after reading something like this is check out Dunn's numbers this year. Find out how many RBI singles he has with RISP and two outs. In the back of your mind, you get greedy. You're hoping for something like 25 singles in 70 such at bats.

But I'll admit when I'm beat (sort of). You know how many singles Dunn has this year with two outs and runners in scoring position?

One.

Wa-unnnnnn.

Point: Daugher -- fucking no! Wait. Let's look at the rest of Dunn's line with 2 outs and RsISP:

In 37 AB's (pretty small sample, of course): .216 / .453 / .730 (!) (1.183 OPS)
6 HR, 20 RsBI, 15 R, 13 BB

Dude was pretty fucking good when it mattered, if you think that's when it mattered. Now, everyone, take a nap.

He was a big man whose bigness could give the impression he wasn't trying. Baseball wasn't his passion. It was his job. He played it that way.

I can't tell you how beautiful I find this paragraph. It starts almost on Dunn's side, and by the end, we're just straight up slamming him for -- God forbid -- playing baseball like it's his job. Which it is.

"Another day closer to retirement," Dunn said once a few years ago, around the batting cage before a game. That was Dunn. His teammates liked him, but he didn't lead. Laid back should be a character trait, not a career choice. Not when you're making $13 million.

Every attempt to discredit Adam Dunn makes me love the guy even more. He sounds like everyone's Dad.

But, oh, Adam Troy Dunn. You made the cardinal sin of baseball. Instead of using your laid back-ness as a character trait, you used it as a career choice. Didn't you know? It's totally acceptable for laid back to be a career choice if you're making, like, the league average, which is roughly 62 times the national median household salary. But once you're making 13MM/yr? Dude. Character trait only. Big mistake.

Also, by the way, his teammates liked him. Daugherty just told us that. They liked the guy. His mistake, apparently, was that he didn't lead stop reading this and do something productive like balancing your checkbook if people still do that I don't really know.

It's doubtful Arizona will keep him after this season. Dunn will be the prototypical DH in '09, when his adventures in Left Field Land won't be duplicated.

On the off chance that any eccentric billionaires are reading this blog: I will pay one hundred U.S. dollars, and maybe more, for admission to a theme park called Left Field Land. May I make a suggestion, please? There should be a really good fried chicken restaurant in the food court called "The Fowl Pole." Also a giant waterslide into a pool shaped like Ted Williams' torso. And I hope this goes without saying: no women or minorities should be allowed inside Left Field Land.

To be dealt to Arizona, Dunn had to clear waivers. Any other club could have claimed him and the trade would not have been made. None did.

What's that? You think just because Paul Daugherty writes about baseball for a major newspaper, he should have a fundamental understanding of how waiver trades work?

You're so silly. I like you.

Only clubs with records worse than the Diamondbacks could have put in a claim on Dunn that would have made a difference. And most of those teams are out of contention, and have no reason to add Dunn's salary in a hopeless year. In fact, there were several reports that teams with better records than the Diamondbacks also put in claims for Dunn, hoping they might be able to snatch him up. So, more accurately: "Other clubs did claim him and the trade still happened."

Those enamored with numbers couldn't get enough of Adam Dunn. Stat freaks genuflected at the foot of Dunn's on-base percentage, while dismissing his detractors as ill-informed hacks.

Far be it from me to suggest that a columnist, who just demonstrated a basic misunderstanding of how waiver trades work, in the midst of writing an article with such a trite premise that I'm getting tired of making fun of it, might be an ill-informed hack.

Forty Homers! Hundred RBI! Hundred Runs! Look at that man ... Walk! The standard argument was, and is, "How do you replace numbers like those?" We're about to find out.

One thing you have to say about stat geeks: there are no stats that they love more than Runs and Runs Batted In. Excellent research, good sir.

And you know what? Great work all around, guys. I formally invite anyone still reading this to join me in a murder-suicide pact.

NOTE: After reading the article in its entirety, I noticed that a number of commenters pointed out Daugherty's mistake about how trades work after the July 31st deadline. No corrections have been made as of the time this blog went to press, which is not a real thing.

Thanks to reader Mark R. for the article tip.

EDIT: Great note by reader Benjamin, who points out that only NL teams with a worse record than the D-Backs could have blocked a trade to Arizona.

Labels: adam dunn, food metaphors, liberal use of "food metaphors" label, paul daugherty

Of course, I'm talking about the State Farm Home Run Derby and alternative post-grunge southern rockers 3 Doors Down.

Gotcha! It turns out that combination is an unmitigated disaster! I was really talking about:













Here's how it works: I supply the Gallimaufry, you get hammered. Shot clock violation!

Let's kick it off with a tip from reader Zach G., who points us in the direction of CBSSports.com's Scott Miller. Scott has made some interesting choices for his Anti-All Star Team:

Shortstop: Jose Reyes, Mets.

He's got talent. He's got speed. He's got pizzazz. He's also got an infuriating case of immaturity.

I'd say he's got talent, speed, pizzazz, and an acute case of the 2nd highest OPS among shortstops. This guy is the opposite of an all-star? Jose Reyes?

Sure, his numbers are respectable. But this guy has the tools to be great. And he won't put out to get there.

Put out? I don't know, maybe it's not so crazy. Maybe Reyes should try letting some 16 year-old dudes feel him up at Siobhan's party next Friday night.

Dude. There's going to be so much Zima.

I was there in Anaheim when he threw a colossal fit on the field when interim manager Jerry Manuel removed him from the game as a precautionary measure to protect a mildly strained hamstring. It was the worst thing I've seen on the field since Jose Guillen threw a similar fit years ago while playing for the Angels.

And, sure, why not. I'll throw down the race card again. Why doesn't wanting to play so bad that he's willing to throw a fit about it garner him "gamer" status? Why are guys like Milton Bradley, Carl Everett, and Jose Reyes all considered "hotheads" or whatever while jerks like Paul O'Neill are applauded for their fiery style?

Speak of the devil...

Right field: Paul O'Neill, Yankees.

Yes, the comeback of the year! Anybody who has seen O'Neill at The Stadium in his broadcasting capacity this summer will tell you the guy looks like he still can play. Certainly, he has a high enough opinion of himself to give it a whirl.

So, one thing that Scott Miller and I have in common with not only each other but also every single person alive on the planet is that we hate Paul O'Neill.

But this is crazyballs. He doesn't play baseball anymore, so why is he on Scott Miller's Anti All-Star list?

The most asinine occurrence of the year came in April, when Yankees fans were giving it to reliever LaTroy Hawkins because he was wearing O'Neill's old No. 21. Nobody had worn it since Paulie, but because Hawkins' first choice was one of a zillion numbers the Yankees had retired, he had to pick another. So he attempted to honor Roberto Clemente ... and Yankees fans reacted as if he had dumped manure during the Pope's visit.

O'Neill, of course, had the perfect venue to make life easier for a new Yankee: the airwaves. He could have stepped up and urged fans to welcome Hawkins. Instead, O'Neill said he found it sort of surprising that someone was wearing his number. Strange to see his old number warming up in the bullpen, O'Neill said.

I feel sick in a way that I never quite have before. I have a headache that feels like it starts in my ears and then goes all the way down my spine, and my stomach feels like it's going to eat itself. It's not because of Scott Miller's writing, but because of the position he's put me in: I now have to defend Paul O'Neill.

O'Neill said that it seemed strange to him to see his old number warming in the bullpen, and for this act alone, Scott Miller is willing to overlook the fact that he doesn't even play baseball anymore and put him on a list of Anti All-Stars. Truly amazing.

Oh, and of course:

Third base: Alex Rodriguez, Yankees.

Let's just keep the 'maufry moving, shall we. Hey -- chug that shit! This is G+L time, remember?

Reader Tristan decided to subject to himself to the horror that is "1st and Ten" this morning. And for making such a decision, he got what he deserved. Garbage...and Nelly:

 I have to admit I haven't been watching the whole show, but I flipped
to it and saw the guest they have to match wits with Skip today is
Nelly. I kept it on to see what he would say, and he actually threw out some
decent, stat backed analysis of the Cardinals race to catch the Cubs.

"I think we can catch the Cubs. The point is, I think, will we have
enough offense down the stretch to catch the Cubs. I think our pitching is
where it is, I think our ERA right now is around 4.18, I think when we
won the world series it was around, like, 4.5, so I think right now we
can, but we're overachieving..." (A little more talk about picking up
a bat to protect Pujols)

Skip's turn to talk (I tivo'd back to get it right):

"I hope you're right because I have been driving your bandwagon since
opening day, cause there's something about this club I like, and I
can't really do it statistically on paper, but there's some spirit, some
character, someTHING going on there. And by the way, Tony LaRussa should
be the first half manager of the year in all of baseball..."

Nelly (primary jobs: Rapping, acting)- Knows the Cardinals ERA, doesn't
specifically mention Pythag, but I'd like to think that's what he was
referring to when he says the Cards are overachieving.

Skip (primary job: sportswriter)- Can't do anything specifically on
paper, attributes the Cardinals success to "something" going on there.

I understand tomorrow Woody Paige will be debating T. Pain on the merits of Schilling's case for the HOF.

People. There are seven members of the ESPN staff currently announcing the Home Run Derby. If that's not reason to drink, I don't know what is. (I guess maybe if your wife just left you or something? Seriously, though -- seven people? And one of them is Rick Reilly?)

Finally tonight -- you guessed it. More Adam Dunn bashing! This time reader Derek wants us to join in on the misery of reading John Fay's reporting on the Reds.

Four of their highest-paid, most experienced players are having bad years. Among Griffey, Adam Dunn, Aaron Harang and Bronson Arroyo, none is having even a mediocre year.

Forget the other guys -- I don't even care. We all love Adam Dunn here at FJM and we're not afraid to admit it. He gives us the kind of Three True Outcomes boner that's getting harder and harder to find in this post-steroids "emphasis on fundamentals" bullshit era that is so much less exciting and awesome than the days when everyone did a ton of drugs and hit the ball 4,000 feet and you didn't even have to worry about explaining to people about why it's stupid to bunt because it was never even an issue because for crissakes even your catcher could hit 30 home runs a year because he was doing things to his body that were making him better at baseball but of course god forbid people who play baseball should be allowed to do things that make them better at baseball --

Sorry. You're the ones who are supposed to getting drunk. I'm the 'mauf man. Apologies.

Adam Dunn is having a better than mediocre year. You all know this. He is doing the two things that are most important for hitters very well: getting on base (380 OBP) and hitting the ball hard (538 SLG). Unfortunately, John Fey has found someone to agree with him in his assessment that Dunn's year is -- again, remember this -- not just not great, but not even mediocre.

"That's a fair assessment," Baker said. "You pay attention to them because they're big guys. They're the highest-salary guys."

Good job, Dusty.

Our hearts continue to go out to the fine people of Cincinnati, who will have no choice but to drown their sorrows in Graeter's Ice Cream and Skyline Chili until DB steps down.

If all four were close to their average big-league numbers, the Reds probably would be right in the thick of the National League Central race.

Adam Dunn, career averages:
247 / 381 / 521

Adam Dunn, 2008:
228 / 380 / 528

Alright. You're drunk. And I've always been a huge Mike Gallego fan, and he's pitching in tonight's derby. So time for me to tune in.

Thanks to reader Ted for the G+L Store picture.

Labels: adam dunn, alex rodriguez, dusty baker, food metaphors, gallimaufry, john fey, jose reyes, nelly, paul o'neill, scott miller, skip bayless

For some reason, Mark Zuckerman's inclusion of Adam Dunn on his all-overpaid list (see post sub) really set your collective teeth a-rattlin'. Let's go to the phones.

Mark sez:

As a Nats fan, just wanted to let you know that Zuckerman is not the only beat reporter in town that is wrong on Dunn. It's unfortunate since I don't like to read the Times for anything, but I think the Post beat writer made an even less defensible comment in his weekly chat a few weeks back. It went like this:

Chico Harlan: My gut: Not the right guy for this team. He needs a small ballpark and a lineup where others don't strike out much.

That's concentrated insanity. It's a month old but I just wanted to point out both papers will be great sources of Dunn-related hilarity should he hit the mark.

Joshua sticks up for Carlos Beltran:

A) Beltran is not a "solid, at times really good outfielder." He is a very good outfielder with great range and a decent arm.

B) He *is* providing more than 12 HR and a .270 average, he's providing a .370 OBP despite having some poor luck with the bat this year (.289 BABIP well less than what you'd expect from his 20.3% line drive rate; everyone who's watched the Mets this year recognizes that he's had a disproportionate number of hard-hit balls go right at fielders).

C) And he's on pace for 40 doubles and 6 triples (both would be the highest he's had for the Mets) and ~110 RBI (for those who think RBI are a meaningful barometer of a player's performance).

D) And he steals bases at the highest success rate of anyone ever.

I mean... come on. For the past two seasons he's been the best fielding CF (Andruw Jones's range just isn't what it used to be) and the best hitting CF in the National League. Sorry, it's just that the constant Beltran-bashing is one of my pet peeves. Too many people are simply unwilling to forgive him for making the last out of the 2006 NLCS and nothing he does will ever be good enough for those people.

I think I remember reading that the rough expected BABIP is Line Drive% + 120 (someone verify?). So Beltran's should be more like .320, based on his LD%, which means it is very likely his average climbs in the next few months. Fantasy nerds, take note.

Here's a good addendum from Brint:

Not to belabor the point, but Captain Jeter is making 21.6 million this year for a whopping 96 OPS+. Beltran, at the least, is playing good defense, and has a 128 OPS+, good enough for 5th among all center fielders.

Succinct and damning. Ian's version of the same point reads thusly:

Lugo pretty much sucks, and is getting paid over $9 million to hit .269/.359/.338. That's pretty bad. However, down I-95 a bit is another SS getting paid over $21 million to hit .280/.340/.388. I think this guy (I don't have to mention his name, do I?) is a bit more overpaid than Lugo, don't you?

Leena sez:

I loathe when people demean Adam Dunn's power simply because he plays at GAB.

If you're curious, check out home run distances at http://www.hittrackeronline.com/. Dunn has led all of baseball in "No Doubt" HR's the past 2 seasons. And averages nearly 410 feet per HR. Dunn would hit for power in any ballpark.

Yes. This is not a Derek Jeter opposite-field 320-foot pop fly HR situation. This is a dude who hits moonshots.

Barron digs in on another part of Zuckerman's article we didn't even touch:

Don't forget that the guy is bagging on Ray Durham for being "a shell of his former self and certainly doesn't fit in with the Giants' rebuilding mode."

Dude's OBP'ing .382 right now. His splits are .290/.382/.403, for an OPS+ of 109. The Giants are bereft of talent anywhere in their farm system, so he's not even blocking someone. Even if he [were], they could shift Durham to 1B and bench banjo-hitting Rich Aurilia.

Another possible 2B candidate, from the same division, is Jeff Kent, who is currently .257/.302/.406 (83 OPS+), and makes $1.5M more than Durham. Way to put the nose to the research grindstone, Zuck.

Moving off Zuckerman, here's Chad with an update from BBTN:

Fernando Vina, in the 'Bold Predictions' part of Baseball Tonight this evening, proposed that Brett Meyers will have the best ERA in the NL in the second half of the season, and be the most effective pitcher. That prediction is bad enough, but his reasons were:

1) Brett Meters was, at the ages of 10 and 12, a boxer. And because of this, would 'attack his problems'.

2) The Phillies need him.

Is boxing the next football in excusing bad/mediocre baseball players?

I hope so. I'd like to hear stories about David Eckstein wanting to be in the UFC when he was a kid.

Anthony keeps his ever-vigilant watch over the YES Network***:

Just caught a silly little moment during the top of the seventh of the Yankee game on YES. It went like this:

(Camera shows crowd doing the wave.)

Michael Kay (practically screaming): The Bleacher Creatures will not take part in such nonsense. Wait until it reaches them; they won't stand up. Watch.

(Bleacher Creatures do the wave.)
...
(Ten seconds of silence.)
...
Michael Kay: This'll be the ninth pitch of the at bat...

Nobody ever -- ever! -- admits being wrong. Being in baseball broadcasting means never having to say you're sorry.

Finally, here's a quick note from Bob.

Dusty does as much research as Joe Morgan:

"This guy is tough on lefties," Baker said. "[Adam] Dunn has been pretty good [against Maholm] and Griff hasn't. I'm just trying to find a way to get some right-handers in there. Griff will be back in there tomorrow. The guy tomorrow, [Zach Duke], has been tough on Dunn. Jerry [Hairston] and [Jeff] Keppinger are just getting their strokes together, and [so is] Edwin [Encarnacion]."

A closer look at the numbers, however, and that reasoning didn't add up. Dunn came in 3-for-22 (.136) lifetime against Maholm. Griffey was 5-for-18 (.278) with one home run. Against Duke, Dunn is 5-for-9 (.556) and Griffey is 1-for-6 (.167).

Once again, for those of you out there who own or operate or comment on baseball teams: you can't just say whatever you want and claim it's true. You need to look stuff up. This is the manager of a team! Just blindly asserting stuff! That isn't true! For the second time in a week!

Sorry, Reds fans. Genuinely sorry.

Labels: adam dunn, gallimaufry, mark zuckerman

Add the Washington Times's Mark Zuckerman to the endless list of people who hate Adam Dunn and his .889 OPS. Here are his all-overpaid OF:

OUTFIELD: CARLOS BELTRAN, NYM ($18.6 MILLION, ANDRUW JONES, LAD ($14.7 MILLION), ADAM DUNN, CIN ($13 MILLION)

It's not that Beltran is a bad player. He's a solid, at times really good outfielder with pop. But for that much money, he better provide more than 12 homers and a .270 average.

Fine.

The other two guys are stealing money. Jones duped the Dodgers into signing him last winter, and he has rewarded them by hitting .165 over 43 games and then injuring his knee.

Definitely overpaid.

Dunn, meanwhile, continues to hit homers in America's best-hitting ballpark while batting .224 and striking out at an embarrassing rate.

Dunn is first among all MLB OF in HR. He is first in walks. He is also 10th in OBP and 18th in slugging. He makes about the same amount of money as his teammate, who sports a .743 OPS. This fellow and his .684 OPS make about $10 million/yr, which buys a lot of HGH. This gentleman makes more than Dunn and has an OPS 60 points lower. This chap makes almost exactly as much and has a .289 OBP. .289! And you think Dunn is "stealing money?"

And for the record, although his 3-year splits favor GAB, in 2008 Dunn has 11 HR at home and 9 on the road, and overall has been a better hitter away from his home park. When you write about sports for a living, it might be worth it to take literally five fucking seconds to look something like that up.

The guy hits 40 HR and walks 100 times every single year. Who can't see the value in that?

Oh -- that's right. Everyone can't see the value in that, apparently.

Labels: adam dunn, mark zuckerman, philip roth

I caught this gem on 710 ESPN Radio this afternoon. Steve Phillips was talking about J.D. Drew's mindset at the plate. This may come as a giant surprise, but it was basically nonsense.

Paraphrasing, he was saying that hitters should be more aggressive with runners in scoring position. He called J. D. Drew "selfish" for taking walks with runners on. He added:

"Sometimes [Drew] and guys like Adam Dunn start their at bats [with runners in scoring postion] thinking to themselves 'Am I going to swing or take if the count gets to 3-2.'"

How this guy can know what J. D. and Adam are thinking at those exact moments is beyond me. Last time I checked, Swing or Take: A Collective Journal Of What We Were Thinking At The Beginning of ABs with RISP by J. D. Drew, Adam Dunn and Guys Like That isn't supposed to come out until August 21.

Maybe he got an advance copy or something? Weird.

===

Unrelated side note: I've been watching a fair amount of SportsCenter / BBTN today, and every two minutes someone mentions that there are "seven teams going for a sweep in an interleague series!", as if this is some sort of big deal. There are fourteen interleague series this weekend. If every match were a coin-flip, wouldn't we expect exactly seven teams to be going for sweeps in the third game of a series?

One thing's for sure: that is the last time I watch ESPN!

Labels: adam dunn, espn, j.d. drew, steve phillips

Update on RicciardiDunnGate from a few posts down: J.P. Ricciardi is just now realizing that you can't single out a player from another team and verbally bash his brains in. Take it away, J.P.:

"It's my fault, I take full responsibility for it," Ricciardi, the Toronto Blue Jays' general manager, said last night. "I tried to get Adam's phone number from the Reds ... and if he wants to talk to me, I'll talk to him and apologize personally. But I apologize to him and the Reds. I need to be better than that. I let my guard down."

That's a man's apology. Here's how Bissinger would've done it:

I apologize to Adam, and I admit that there are some good Reds out there, like Ken Griffey, Jr. and Aaron Harang. For the most part, though, the Reds as a whole are a worthless team -- a baseball-playing gangbang, if you will. These kids just don't get it. If George Washington would have known that freeing the slaves would just result in guys like Corey Patterson and Joey Votto stinking up the field, he never would have signed the Emancipation Proclamation. What's that? Joey Votto's white? Whatever. I apologized. Isn't that enough, goddammit?

Labels: adam dunn, buzz bissinger, j.p. ricciardi

The Toronto Blue Jays are third-to-last in the AL in runs scored, with only the hapless Royals and the haplesser Mariners cushioning them from the absolute cellar. GM J.P. Ricciardi has already kicked Frank Thomas to the curb, A.J. Burnett's openly talking about playing for the Cubs, and in a cruel Bizarro World twist, the Tampa Bay Rays are making a push for the AL East crown.

So what do you do if you're Ricciardi, you're calling into The Fan 590 to talk shop, and Kevin from Halifax pisses you off a little? You say Adam Dunn hates baseball, that's what you do.

“He’s a lifetime .230, .240 hitter that strikes out a ton and hits home runs,” Ricciardi said.

These are not the arguments to use against Adam Dunn. He's a butcher in the field and there are legitimate concerns, I think, that he's at least partially a creation of Great American Ballpark -- there's a damn near 70-point swing in his career home/away OPS.

You say he's a .230, .240 hitter (it's actually .247) -- I say he's a career .382 OBP hitter. Compare that to, I don't know, the quintessential table setter, the most professional hitter in bat sports, my nomination for first man to walk on Mars, Derek Sanderson Jeter -- career .386 OBP hitter.

Yes, Dunn hits home runs. He has 18 this year. Your Toronto Blue Jay home run leader this year: Matt Stairs, with 8.

“Do you know the guy doesn’t really like baseball that much?” Ricciardi said to the caller. “Do you know the guy doesn’t have a passion to play the game that much? How much do you know about the player?

I know that on the list of Career At Bats Per Home Run, All-Time, Adam Dunn ranks fifth. Fifth! The men ahead of him:

Mark McGwire
Babe Ruth
Barry Bonds
Jim Thome

This is skewed because Dunn hasn't gone through his decline phase yet, but still: fifth!

Can you imagine being that good at something and not caring about it at all? That must be fun. If Adam Dunn would just show some fire out there, the least he could do is pass Bonds and Ruth on this list. But no, we all know what Dunn's true passion is: his world-renowned team of trained swallows. (NB: Do not, I repeat, do not, perform a Google image search of "trained swallows" (no quotation marks).)

“There’s a reason why you’re attracted to some players and there’s a reason why you’re not attracted to some players. I don’t think you’d be very happy if we brought Adam Dunn here …

Dude, again, I'm not saying you should definitely trade for Adam Dunn. He's not a savior by any means. But your current leader in OPS is Rod Barajas, at .821.

Current Adam Dunn, despite his piss-poor .227 BA, would lead your team in R, HR, RBI, OBP, SLG, and (of course) OPS. But you're not "attracted" to him, naturally, because he's such a passionless turd.

I actually have some sympathy for Ricciardi here. You know who sucks on the Blue Jays this year? Everyone. All of them. Vernon Wells sucks. Alex Rios sucks. Scott Rolen sucks. David Eckstein...well, Eckstein is awesome. And a lot of these guys simply shouldn't be sucking as much as they're sucking. I don't know that it's completely fair to pillory Ricciardi for the same reason that I don't think Mark Shapiro is a miserable GM because Victor Martinez, Travis Hafner, and Jhonny Peralta have been absolute black holes for a third of a season.

“We’ve done our homework on guys like Adam Dunn and there’s a reason why we don’t want Adam Dunn. I don’t want to get into specifics.”

Adam Dunn is a North Korean spy. There. I said it. Are you happy? I'm gonna get shot now. I hope you're happy, Kevin from Halifax. I call in to The Fan 590 looking for some softballs, trying to be nice to you people, and now you've just made me sign my own death certificate. Hey, intern guy, could I get a Coke Zero or something? This is unbelievable. [gunshot, sound of a body falling to the ground]

Labels: adam dunn, blue jays, j.p. ricciardi

Ugh.

With the Reds trailing by one run in the ninth inning Saturday, Adam Dunn's initial intention with runners on first and second and one out was to bunt his teammates into scoring position. After two unsuccessful sacrifice attempts, a frustrated Dunn chose to swing away. Dunn's backup plan sailed 449 feet into the right-field Sun Deck for a three-run walk-off home run...

Adam Dunn, batting seventh, with (I believe) 2 sac bunts in his career, asked to bunt in the bottom of the ninth with Paul Bako and the pitcher's spot behind him.

From Derek, pseudo-visual evidence:


And from Matt, horrifying actual visual evidence:


I mean, given the fact that Dusty tried to make Edwin Encarnacion bunt before his big walk-off blast a while ago, maybe this is some kind of strategy. Maybe Dusty takes these guys who have between zero and two sac bunts in their lives, and makes them try to bunt, and when he takes the bunt sign off they are so relieved they launch walk-off homers.

Thank you to the 100+ Reds fans who confirmed this tragic series of events.

Labels: adam dunn, bunting, dusty baker, edwin encarnacion, oh my god, that can't be right

Someone just emailed me and said that before Adam Dunn hit his walk-off HR tonight, Dusty had him attempt a sac bunt?! Twice?!?!

Please confirm, Red fans.

Also, I am sorry that Dusty Baker is your manager.

Labels: adam dunn, bunting, dusty baker, oh my god, that can't be right

Adam Dunn, 2007: .500/.600/2.000
Scott Podsednik, 2007: N/A

Fremulon Ins. has sent me to Rome to negotiate with a division of Generali, so I may be out of commission for a while. But I want to say that it made my heart sing to see my Blackberry light up with reports of Jon Miller saying that a 3-R HR would "kill a rally." God bless all of you, readers, you Knights of Justice, you Lovers of Truth, you Realists!

Labels: adam dunn, fremulon insurance, scott podsednik, small sample size

Okay, I lied. It's pretty terrible. It is, after all, Steve Phillips we're talking about here.

Let me ask you something. If you click on a link that says "Steve Phillips: Best tools in the game" and then you see a headline that says "Identifying those with the best tools in the game" and then you read a first sentence that says "Baseball is built on five tools: hitting for average, hitting for power, throwing, fielding and running," don't you expect to read an article about, I don't know, the guys who have the best tools in the game?

You might, but you would be wrong to expect such a thing, because you have entered the Steve Phillips Zone, where the rules of logic have no meaning and a man can say he's going to write about one thing but then just give up midway through the first paragraph and ramble on about whatever he feels like. A better name for this article would be "An Arbitrary List of Things I Think About Eighteen Players, Groups of Players, or Managers."

Plus, to wrap everything up, there's a sixth category -- chemistry -- on the guys who have a sixth sense for creating it.

Perfect.

Let me interrupt Steve by pointing out that he himself has identified what are traditionally considered the five tools. They are, in his own words:

hitting for average
hitting for power
throwing
fielding
running

Before we even read the article, let's skim the subheadings and see what he lists as tools:

Sticks
Muscle
Arms
Gloves
Wheels
Chemistry

"Sticks" -- okay, that's hitting for average. "Muscle" -- power. "Arms" -- that means throwing guys out, like Andruw Jones, right? No. This is where Steve Phillips lists pitchers. Because a five-tool guy is a guy who can hit for average, hit for power, field his position, run fast, and pitch a no-hitter, all in the same game. I think Barry Bonds did this once in 1987.

Basically, by the second sentence of the article, Phillips acknowledges he's just going to Larry-King-in-USA-Today this thing and wing it:

Here's a look at the players whose skills, or lack thereof, in each area could make or break their teams.

Here's a look at players who may be good or may be bad at things and thus may confer good or bad results on their teams, depending on if they're good or bad at the things.

This is what Phillips has to say about Adam Dunn:

If he focused on contact, he could hit 50 homers and drive in 150.

This seems like sort of a tall order. Albert Pujols, the awesomest hitter in baseball, has never hit 50 homers or driven in 150 runs, ever. All Dunn has to do is focus on contact for a historically great season? Jesus, get on that, Adam.

Dunn has 12 sacrifice flies in five full seasons; Justin Morneau had 11 last year.

This is a common criticism of Dunn, but I'm not so sure it's that big a deal. This guy notes that in 2003 and 2004, Dunn fucked up some sac fly opportunities because with a runner on third and less than two outs, 50% of his fly balls went for home runs. Whoops!

Here's what Phillips thinks about Tigers pitchers:

Tigers pitchers

A lasting memory from the 2006 Series is of Tigers pitchers throwing wildly to first and third bases. As isolated incidents, the errors aren't a big deal. In the Series they were huge, like Tony Romo's dropping the snap in the NFL playoffs. We'll know the Tigers are over it only when the pitchers make several plays after an error.

Does he really think the entire Tiger pitching staff is going to turn into a bunch of Knoblauchs because of last year's Series? These are the words of a crazy person.

CHEMISTRY

Bob Wickman, RHP, Braves

Because they sit in the bullpen and work one inning at a time, it's not often that closers are team leaders. But there are many things about Wickie that his teammates admire. He cares more than most, he knows more than most and he makes sense when he speaks. Plus, he has overachieved with mediocre stuff.

This guy is a leader because "he makes sense when he speaks." He can walk without falling down. He eats food instead of rocks. He wears clothes instead of refrigerators. He is a chemist.

Eric Chavez, 3B, A's

Last season, forearm problems sapped Chavez's strength and power. Many players would have opted out of the lineup to protect their stats, but Chavez knew the team needed his D, leadership and whatever offense he could provide. The A's made the playoffs by taking on the personality of their gritty and determined third baseman.

He gritted Frank Thomas to a 41.3 VORP and he gritted Nick Swisher to a .372 OBP. Glue guy. Grit guy. Glue grit. If he were in a band, it would be called Motley Glue. If he were a seminal 1941 John Crowe Ransom essay, he would be called "The New Griticism."

Anyway, there you go. A list of the guys with the best tools in baseball.

Labels: adam dunn, bob wickman, eric chavez, steve phillips, tools