FIRE JOE MORGAN: From Joe Morgan's Mouth to My Bleeding Ears

FIRE JOE MORGAN

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Monday, May 23, 2005

 

From Joe Morgan's Mouth to My Bleeding Ears

Some highlights from Joe Morgan's latest ESPN.com chat:

Nick (Shakopee): Are Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau the best pair of young guys on a team? Will they be able to keep up their success? Will Jason Bartlett take ss back over?

Joe Morgan: I look at Joe Mauer and I see a lot of talent and a burning fire to succeed. I look at Morneau and I see a guy with a little more power. But they both have a desire to succeed and that is what it takes to succeed over the long haul.

Ken Tremendous: You in no way answered that man's question. And you used the word "succeed" three times. And, you are an idiot.

John, Dallas: Joe, Hardly anyone is talking about the streak that Kenny Rogers is on right now...30 consecutive scoreless innings. Why is that? And why do some pitchers get better with age?

Joe Morgan: I think we have seen that theory in Roger Clemens, Randy Johnson, Curt Schilling, etc. As with hitters, you learn more about your craft as you get older. But what usually happens is once you learn everything, you can't execute because of your body getting older. But guys are staying in such good shape now, they CAN stay productive ast they get older.

Ken Tremendous: Joe, again, I'm sorry to interrupt, but the man asked about Kenny Rogers. Then you started talking about...nothing. So, maybe just try to answer the nice people's questions? Okay?

Mark (Allentown, PA): How will the Mets fair this weekend against those darn Yankees?

Joe Morgan: I think it will be a good barometer for the Mets. The Yanks are playing very well righ [sic] now. The Mets will find out what kind of team they really have.

Ken Tremendous: Joe, seriously. Just answer the question. Some possible answers to this question would include, "I think they'll win 2 of 3." Or, "I think the Yankees will sweep." Please. It's a chat. Answer the questions.

Chip (New York City): Joe, is it better for baseball, the tradition of the game and the reputation of the sport if Barry never returns to break Aaron's record?

Joe Morgan: No. I don't think you can put all that on one person. What about the players who have been proven guilty of wrongdoing? Barry has only been suspected at this point. Barry does bring a lot of energy to the ballpark and people love to watch him play. He needs to play and whatever happens happens.

Ken Tremendous: Sorry, Joe -- and again, I hate to interrupt, but Barry Bonds did steroids. He admitted it. Remember? It was all over the newspapers? it dominated -- absolutely fucking DOMINATED -- all discussion of sports for, like, six months (and counting). So, I know you have a crush on Barry Bonds and want him to be your boyfriend, but you cannot POSSIBLY say that "Barry has only been suspected at this point." And frankly you should be drummed out of the business for claiming that.

ANTAEUS (Venice Beach): Joe: loved you in The Naked Gun! Do you think Ken Griffey is healthy?

Joe Morgan: I did the game a couple weeks ago and he's not 100 percent. Again, it's about confidence.

Ken Tremendous: Again, sorry everyone, for interrupting. Joe -- it's not about "confidence." It's about torn hamstrings and blown knees. Ken Griffey Jr. has not missed all this playing time due to a strained confidence.

Mike: (Howell,NJ): Joe, How do you think Giambi looked at the plate over the West Coast trip? Is he coming around or is he never going to be that intimidating force at the plate again?

Joe Morgan: I think the problem is still how will he get his ABs? What about Bernie Williams? Ruben Sierra? Both gave the Yankees more than Giambi last season. The problem I have is watching Bernie hit a GS to win the game and then he doesn't play the next day but Giambi does and goes 1-4? Bernie is just as important is Giambi. He helped them win 4 WS titles.

Ken Tremendous: Okay, I really didn't want to interrupt here, but this has multiple problems. 1) You didn't answer the guy's question. At all. 2) Ruben Sierra is injured. 3) Bernie Williams sucks. 4) Giambi's numbers are better than both Ruben Sierra's and Bernie Wiliams's. And it is fabulously, wonderfully irrelevant that Bernie Williams helped the Yankees win 4 World Series titles. I dealt with this in a previous post, which you clearly have not read. 5) Are you serious when you are angry because Giambi went 1-4 in a game after Bernie hit a grand slam to win a game? Do you know what a small sample size is? Do you know what anything is? Have you seen a baseball game, ever? Please. Just try to answer people's questions.

Doug (NYC): Good Morning Joe. Clint Barmes - what is your long term predictions for him? Is he in the Derek Jeter neighborhood, even if its the Coors inflation factor?

Joe Morgan: I don't know how you can compare him to a guy with 4 world championships. I won't get into that.

Ken Tremendous: Joe, sorry -- the question was, what are your long-term predictions for one specific player. And then you compared him to what Jeter is today. And the statistical criterion you used was "world championships won." With which criterion, one could claim that Chad Curtis is a better left fielder than Ted Williams. So, again, please, just try to answer people's questions.

Mark (Allentown, PA): Do you see the Mets making any moves for some bullpen help any time soon??

Joe Morgan: There has to be somebody out there than can get somebody out. But can they pay the price? You have to have starters and closers. The Mets just have not been able to close games out. They need help, quick.

Ken Tremendous: So...sorry, you *do* see them making a move, then? Because you just typed a bunch of weird, like, zen nonsense. If you could just -- and I'm sorry for repeating myself -- but if you could just try to actually answer the questions people ask you, that would be great.

3FF (Arlington, VA): Sorry to keep harping on the Reds Joe, but you said they are already going downhill, does this mean Reds fans have seen the last of the Reds finishing near the top of the Central for a while?

Joe Morgan: The one thing about baseball is there are no flawless teams. You can turn things around quickly. You just have to be willing to spend some money and you have to make smart decisions. You can go last to first these days because ever team has weaknesses.

Ken Tremendous: Okay, now you're just being stubborn. Answer the man's question.

Hank (WV): Joe, What will happen with Robinson Cano? Should the Yanks finally keep a top prospect rather than trade him away?

Joe Morgan: I don't think they will trade him. They brought him up for a reason. They don't make trades with major leagues [sic]. They make trades with minor leaguers.

Ken Tremendous: Okay, but...this is stupid, right, Joe? You realize that 10 days ago, he was a minor leaguer. And that fairly often, when a contending team brings a prospect up in May, it's to audition him for a trade? And, also, didn't they recently trade Javier Vasquez, Brad Halsey, Alphonso Soriano...you know what? Forget this one. I'll let it slide. Because I'm growing faint from trying to get you to answer people's questions.

Chris (DC): What is the true impact of steroids in baseball? It appears as though injuries are up overall this year. Could steroids be a factor?

Joe Morgan: Anything could be a factor with injuries. Weather, ballparks, etc. It's a proven fact that steroids have had an impact. It helps you as a baseball player. It enhances your focus, your eyesight, your ability to feel like you can't be beat, and also helps you recover from injury, in addition to building strength.

Ken Tremendous: Joe, sorry -- um, "ballparks" are a factor in players' injuries? More than steroids? How? And also, um...and again, I hate to say this, but the last sentence is a crazy rambling nothing-jumble of words that has nothing to do with the question the man asked. So, please, Joe, answer the man's question.

Jack, minnesota: Is Mauer the best catcher in the bigs?

Joe Morgan: No. Ivan Rodriguez would still get my vote. You are talking to the wrong guy when you want to compare a guy in his first year to an established player has been around. How can we say a first year player is better than a veteran?

Ken Tremendous: First of all, Joe, congratulations on answering the man's question! Nice work. Really. However, you have answered it in a way that is fucking retarded. If I am to understand you, any veteran is better than any rookie? So, last year, Mike Matheny was better than Victor Martinez? When Ichiro was a rookie, he was not as good as Rich Aurillia? Do you have a functioning brain, Joe? Seriously. I'm worried about you.

Clint (NYC): Joe, please take my HOF question. Why isn't Keith Hernandez in? 11 Gold Gloves, 2 Silver Sluggers, MVP, World Series, .300 hitter, 2000+ hits. What's the problem??

Joe Morgan: I don't like to comment on players and their HOF things because I'm the Vice Chairman of the HOF Board. People take what I say out of context. If I say Keith belongs in the Hall, they take that to mean I think Gil Hodges shouldn't be. But to be honest, I don't even know why he's not in...

Ken Tremendous: Okay, Joe, I want you to read that again, and tell me what's wrong with it.

Sean (NYC): hey joe, what was your favorite thing to eat for breakfast when you had a big game?

Joe Morgan: It varied. I didn't have a special Wheaties breakfast or anything like that. Sometimes if it was a doubleheader, I would eat pancakes or oatmeal. But regular games I had a regular breakfast. I ate a lot of steak before night games.

Ken Tremendous: Okay, I'm excited. I think we have found a subject that allows Joe Morgan to answer the actual question he was asked. Does anybody else have a question for Joe about food?

Sean (NYC): so Joe, how much is "a lot of steak"?

Joe Morgan: I ate a steak every day! Every day! 5 times a week! Porterhouse to t-bone to filet .. you name it. We were always looking for protein. Football teams still feed their guys steak before a game. I still eat steak!

Ken Tremendous: Nice! Great job everybody. Look how excited Joe Morgan is to answer questions about food! This is great, great stuff. We have isolated the problem -- Joe Morgan should be a FOOD commentator, and not a baseball commentator. Someone get on this, stat, so he doesn't have to embarrass himself anymore.

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posted by Ken Tremendous  # 8:06 PM
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