FIRE JOE MORGAN: Opening Day: Gallimaufry Time!


Where Bad Sports Journalism Came To Die

FJM has gone dark for the foreseeable future. Sorry folks. We may post once in a while, but it's pretty much over. You can still e-mail dak, Ken Tremendous, Junior, Matthew Murbles, or Coach.

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Tuesday, April 03, 2007


Opening Day: Gallimaufry Time!

My meeting was canceled. Here are a few (mostly) unsubstantiated quotes sent in by our loyal readers from opening day.

From Brian:

Last night on Baseball Tonight, John Kruk mentioned that he disagreed with the White Sox's in-game decision to remove Jose Contreras from the game in the 2nd inning because "if this was June or July, I could understand it, but this early in the season, he's got to get his work in."

At the time of Contreras's removal from the game, he had given up 7 ER in 1+ IP and thrown nearly 50 pitches. Kruk...wasn't given time to elaborate on how long he would have thrown his pitcher out there to continue getting hammered. But I thought his original point was just insane enough to email you.

It was, Brian. Thank you. Here's Luis:

Whoever is commentating on the Orioles@Twins game (Sounds like Steve Phillips, but I know it's not him.) just claimed that Morneau would not have been MVP if Jeter would have won the batting title. Apparently it was Morneau's ability to will Joe Mauer to go 2-4 on the last day that made [the BBWAA] vote for him.

The sad thing is, as stupid as that is to say, that announcer might be right. Because people care about the difference between .347 (Mauer) and .343 (Jeter) more than they care about 12.1 (Jeter's WARP3) and 8.6 (Justin Morneau's WARP3).

Here's one from Sam:

Mets-Cards, 2nd inning: “He’s like a little kid, trying to throw it all the way over [to first base]. And he almost always does it!”

Aww! You go get 'em, champ!

I'm going to assume that was Jon Miller. And finally, here's Greg, with a link to Crasnick column we never got around to attacking:

If nobody's actually sent this to you already, I'll be surprised, but it seems too perfect to pass up.

To preview, the first two paragraphs include:

David Eckstein had barely found a spot in his home for his World Series Most Valuable Player trophy when he laid claim to another title: America's "little buddy."

The diminutive St. Louis shortstop, who is to major league baseball what Pembroke Welsh Corgis are to the Westminster Kennel Club dog show, parlayed his boundless energy, lovable demeanor and .364 World Series batting average into a joyous winter romp.

I'm imagining that might be the kind of thing you're looking for.

You are correct in that imagining.

Keep 'em coming, people. It's a long season.

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posted by Anonymous  # 11:59 AM
Chris helpfully cites FJM favorite and part-time drunky Rick Sutcliffe as the man who claimed Morneau won the MVP because of Jeter's inability to get two additional singles over the course of six months. Rick and Dusty in one booth. That is just untoward.
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