FIRE JOE MORGAN: I Guess I Have to Talk About This


Where Bad Sports Journalism Came To Die

FJM has gone dark for the foreseeable future. Sorry folks. We may post once in a while, but it's pretty much over. You can still e-mail dak, Ken Tremendous, Junior, Matthew Murbles, or Coach.

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Wednesday, November 28, 2007


I Guess I Have to Talk About This

I'm currently watching a Discovery Channel documentary about Australian marine biologists who are trying to capture, and raise in captivity, the Architeuthis, or Giant Squid. After many years of unsuccessful attempts, they finally found and transferred to their ship eight larvae, and there was much rejoicing and popping of champagne and stuff. But by the time they got back to their lab, all of the larvae were dead. The lead biologist, Steve O'Shea, gave a final speech about how he's not going to give up. I got kind of teary-eyed. Then that Beyonce ad for DirecTV came on where she sings "Lemme Lemme Lemme Up-Grade Ya," and I ripped my TV off the wall and threw it away.

So I will use my newfound TV-less time to talk about this article by's Jeff Gordon, which is several days old, and was sent to us by nearly one million of our readers. It's a list of the 10 best free agent signings in MLB history.

I think you all know what's coming.

10. David Eckstein, Cardinals

When he signed his three-year, $10.25 million free-agent deal after the 2004 season, some experts ripped the Cardinals for giving him too much money and too many years.

Now why would they do a silly thing like that?

After all, Eckstein was really a second baseman playing shortstop. He didn't possess great fielding range and his arm strength was famously poor. He was a decent hitter, but he had no power and little speed on the basepaths.

These things are all still true.

But Eckstein was the perfect fit in St. Louis, where he moved into the lead-off spot. He earned two trips to the All-Star Game and became the MVP of the 2006 World Series, on the strength of his three doubles in Game 4 against Detroit.

EqAs in his years in St. Louis: .268, .250, .275. Number of games missed in the last two years due to injuries (or whatever): 84. SB in St. Louis: 28-for-43. Amount of mediocrity exhibited: significant.

In many ways, he is the anti-A-Rod —a low-budget, low-glamour signing that produced maximum results.

In many ways, he is the anti-A-Rod: he can't play baseball very well.

If David Eckstein is the 10th best free agent signing in major league baseball history, I am Australian marine biologist Steve O'Shea, and I have found and successfully transferred into captivity eight larvae of the elusive giant squid Architeuthis.

Take that, Jeff Gordon.

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