I really really wish Rob Dibble's Hard Ball
had been updated in the last sixteen months. Without it, Dibble's wisdom is only parceled out in tiny, Sugar in the Raw packet-sized morsels of genius in other people's articles
. For instance, Rob, why aren't there baseball dynasties anymore?"There's too much movement now," former Reds reliever Rob Dibble says. "Chemistry is a big deal. You need to come up with the same guys, stay with them, get to know their tendencies and their inside jokes. Otherwise, it doesn't work."
Exactly. How am I supposed to field a ground ball when fucking Gomez over there doesn't laugh when I say "Do I make you horny, baby?" It's from Austin Powers
. Jesus, Gomez. Santana understood me. Santana laughed every time.
Oh shit, the ball got past me. Fuck. Well, it's my turn to bat. I'm so depressed I guess I'll hit into a triple play. I hate Gomez. He told me he never even saw Meet the Parents
. How am I supposed to do my "I have nipples, could you milk me?" routine?
I just struck out.
There's probably something to what Dibble's saying, though. If you look back at baseball's greatest teams, you'll notice one unmistakable fact: they're also baseball's funniest teams.New York Giants: 1904 to 1924
Funniest riff: Heinie Zimmerman's Archduke Ferdinand impression. So funny, everyone who saw it admitted that the whole war was worth it just for that impression.Chicago Cubs: 1906 to 1910
Funniest riff: Joe Tinker would armpit fart "La Marseillaise."Philadelphia A's: 1910 to 1914
Funniest riff: Blackface.New York Yankees: 1921 to 1928
Funniest riff: Lou Gehrig disease.St. Louis Cardinals: 1926 to 1946
Funniest riff: Also Lou Gehrig disease.New York Yankees: 1936 to 1964
Funniest riff: Yogi Berra would rest his balls on Phil Rizzuto's face when he fell asleep. This wasn't a joke; they just liked it. The funniest riff was when Mickey Mantle would beat up the batboy.Baltimore Orioles: 1966 to 1983
Funniest riff: Mark Belanger had a very incisive bit about the '73 oil crisis. He currently hosts the show "Real Time with Bill Maher" under the name Bill Maher.Cincinnati Reds: 1970 to 1976
Funniest riff: Joe Morgan used to perform a hilarious rant about ARPAnet. "Mark my words," he would say, "One day a computer will write a book that will ruin baseball."
Labels: riffs, rob dibble