FIRE JOE MORGAN: Let's Gallimaufry This Shizz

FIRE JOE MORGAN

Where Bad Sports Journalism Came To Die

FJM has gone dark for the foreseeable future. Sorry folks. We may post once in a while, but it's pretty much over. You can still e-mail dak, Ken Tremendous, Junior, Matthew Murbles, or Coach.

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Friday, October 17, 2008

 

Let's Gallimaufry This Shizz




Gallimaufry time, mofos.

Mark S. writes in and says:

In the Oct. 13 The Sporting News, somebody put together a panel of 16 former major-league shortstops and asked them some questions.

First I'll list the 16: Biancalana, Bordick, Burleson, DeJesus, DeMaestri, Elster, Foli, Fregosi, Harrelson, Joost, Kasko, Kubek, Larkin, Maxville, Menke and Petrocelli.

Second, the relevant question on the table: "Jeter or A-Rod?"

Survey said:

Jeter 11
Too close to call 3
A-Rod 2

And with it runs a quote from Menke: "A-Rod will end up breaking some records, but Jeter is a winner."


Interesting. I have just conducted my own survey. The question on the table: Biancalana, Bordick, Burleson, DeJesus, DeMaestri, Elster, Foli, Fregosi, Harrelson, Joost, Kasko, Kubek, Larkin, Maxville, Menke, Petrocelli or Logic and Reason?

The results:

Biancalana: 0
Bordick: 0
Burleson: 0
DeJesus: 0
DeMaestri: 0
Elster: 0
Foli: 0
Fregosi: 0
Harrelson: 0
Joost: 0
Kasko: 0
Kubek: 0
Larkin: 0
Maxville: 0
Menke: 0
Petrocelli: 0
Logic and Reason: 1

I think everyone pretty much knew where I was going with that right from the beginning, which is why it delighted me to actually type it out and make you read it.

Back to












Many people reported this quote from Fire Joe Morgan favorite Joe Morgan, but Rob C. is the one I happened to flag, so he gets all the credit and the rest of you can suck it:

Just driving home from work with ESPN radio's call of the game on. Morgan talking about Beltran's great playoff performance in '03:

"I read an interesting article that talked about how scouts will look at a player's performance in postseason games to see how his mental makeup is, if he can handle playing under pressure. I think that makes sense to a degree, but you can't put too much weight into it, because we all know that the playoffs are a very small sample size. You don't want to put all your marbles in one basket."


I almost drove off the road.


This really does make me feel as though something has been accomplished, somewhere, by someone(s). However, lest you think for one second that Mr. Morgan has come to his senses in like a large-picture worldview kind of way, peruse this little beauty from just the other day, sent in by 1.4 million of you, quoted here from Clark:

Joe Morgan just did a location spot during which he asserted -- repeatedly -- that "they [Red Sox] cannot beat them [Rays] by outscoring them."

And here I'd thought that was the *only* way to win a game.


Oh, Clark. You silly man. There are plenty of ways to win baseball games. Outscoring your opponent...not un-outscoring them...doing the un-opposite of not un-outscoring them...the list goes on.

Alexander points us to a special video presentation here at Gallimaufry Time, which includes Matt Stairs and what can only be described as unfortunate phraseology:



"You want to rephrase that, Matt?"
"Yes, I do. Ahem. When you get that nice celebration coming in the dugout, and you're getting your weiner diddled by the guys--"
"Okay, thanks. That's enough."

And now, a special Golf Note, from Chad, who, after a lengthy and kind series of compliments about our site, writes:

A note from the Ryder Cup: Johnny Miller stated, "the US will miss Tiger, as he is one of the two greatest clutch putters of all time. The other being Jack." Guess who is in the top 5 in career putting statistics. Yup, Tiger and Jack. The fact that they are better tee to green than anyone else AND were/ are great putters is why they are the two greatest GOLFERS of all time! They had more chances to make "clutch" putts because their long games gave them more opportunities. They made more "clutch" putts because they are GREAT putters! Remove the word clutch from Johnny's statement and it is true.

Clutch is bullshit! Tiger and Jack have made more non-clutch putts, too! Once again, because they are great putters!


I digress. Thank you again for your work. I thoroughly enjoy it!
Now, you might be thinking, "How did this mildly interesting note about golf make it into the Gallimaufry?!" I'll tell you why. Because at the end it says:

Sent from my iPhone

That is insane. Chad typed that whole thing on his iPhone, people. Including the all-caps words. And not one single typo. It probably took him eleven hours. That's dedication.

As long as we're going multi-media today, here are the Built Ford Tough Keys to the Game from NLCS Game 3, sent in by Daniel:












Phillies: Win this game too, like you won the other games, at the other place
Dodgers: Try to do the things you did 6 weeks ago, when you won a baseball game

I like the idea that "Remember August 30!" is a "Remember the Maine!"-style battle cry for Dodger fans.

On a separate note, Ô¬Ò˾ý writes in and says:

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Ha ha ha! I agree, my friend. You never know what is going to come out of Harold Reynolds' mouth these days!

Let's play the absurd expectations game, says Kyle:

Sporting freshly trimmed, thick braids for the NLCS, Ramirez went 2-for-4. Not quite the torrid hitting the Dodgers were used to from him since he joined the team...

What, pray tell, counts as "torrid" in a one-game sample, if not 2-4 with a double off the CF wall? Even if you think that 2-4 isn't "torrid," using a one-game sample size to evaluate a baseball player is like using a 4-game sample size to determine that Eli Manning is suddenly better than Peyton Manning. And no one would ever be dumb enough to do that.

Finally, we close with some more bad news for Mets fans. Here's your new manager, on the first day of his new deal, talking about how to take his team to the next level:

On his first full day as the Mets' long-term manager, Manuel forcefully attacked the SABR-type mathematical analysis some have fixated on in recent years.

"You get so many statistical people together, they put so many stats on paper, and they say, well, if you do this and you score this many runs, you do that many times, you'll be in the playoffs," he said.

"That's not really how it works, and that's what we have to get away from. And that's going to have to be a different mind-set of the team in going forward. We must win and we must know how to win rather than win because we have statistical people. We have to win because we have baseball players that know and can understand the game."

Congratulations to the Phillies, for winning the 2008 NL Pennant. Congratulations to the 2009 Phillies, Braves, Nationals, and Marlins, for all of the easy victories you will have over the 2009 Mets.

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posted by Ken Tremendous  # 3:18 PM
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