FIRE JOE MORGAN

This has been a weird JoeChat Year. I don't get these things anymore. I don't know who's speaking, who's typing, who's JoeBaiting, who's who. There isn't even the usual BuzzMaster intro this time, nor any opening salvo from The Great One. We just jump right in.

sean jacksonville,fl: you agree that the reds should trade grifey?

Joe Morgan: That is a tough question for me because I was a Red when he was a little kid in the clubhouse and his dream was ro play for the Reds. I think that dream has not lived up to expectations, so I think they maybe should trade him to a contander so he has chance to play for a World Series. But is has to be mutual; Griffey has to want it and the Reds have to want it.

The Reds are 12 games behind Chicago and have been outscored by 58 runs. Ken Grifey [sic] is old and expensive. Seems like maybe trading him would benefit the team going forward. But: Joe was on the Reds when Griffey was a kid and Griffey's dream was ro [sic] play for the Reds someday. So...there's that.

And as for your last sentence, this is not analysis. Griffey has a no-trade clause. So, yes, by CBA rule, Griffey has to want it, and by virtue of the way businesses work, the Reds have to want it. Well done.

sean (levittown, PA): I think the Phillies should get another starting pitcher like C.C. Sabathia. What do you think?

This is what is known in the on-line chat world as: "a softball."

Joe Morgan: Well I think every team needs another starting pitcher, it's not like the Phillies are the only ones. But they do need anothe rpitchers. Starting piutching is still the No. 1 commoodity in the game and there is still a shortage of top-notch starting pitching in MLB.

Look at these [sic]s and tell me I'm not getting put on. "But they do need anothe rpitchers?!" Are you kidding me? Starting "piutching?" "Commoodity?" I'm being set up.

On a side note, I (still) simply can't believe how little analysis Joe gives in these things. The guy asks if the Phillies should try to trade for C.C. Sabathia. Joe responds that everyone needs pitching, a dusty old aphorism akin to saying "baseball is a game that requires human players," and offers exactly zero in terms of (a) whom they might trade for instead or (b) whom they might offer for him or (c) where else CC might go or (d) any individual subject x where x = (any subject possible to analyze in the known universe)(the sum of all of the billions of observations made about the game of baseball since it was invented by Abner Doubleday as he and Francis Scott Key launched a sneak attack against their own men at the battle of Fort Sumter) [sic].

Joe Chicago: If the white sox do make a trade what and who should they go for?

Joe Morgan: They need more consistent hitting.

ChiSox: 393 runs, 7th in all MLB.

Dye is swinging the bat well, as is Crede, but everyone else has been streaky. Thome jhas not been concistent and neither was Konerko before he got hurt. That is what Ozzie went off about, the incosistent offense. They need offense.

Red alert people. Red. Effing. Alert.

"concistent" and "incosistent" back to back.

Something is happening. And it's not that trees and plants are releasing a neurotoxin into the air.

There are three possibilities here, as I see it.

1. This is just business as usual at JoeChat headquarters.

2. The people who operate the JoeChat 9000 Lifelike SimulTron Turing Machine are having some fun with us here at FJM, since they know how much we like the repetition and misspellings of "consistent."

3. Bill Fremp is being held captive at JoeChat headquarters and is trying to signal that he needs help.

We will monitor the situation closely.

Matt (Oconomowoc): Ben Sheets has been consistently great this year. Do you think the Brewers will be able to lock him up long term?

Joe Morgan: It depends on what they want to spend, and if they are worried about the inuuries. But last night he looked great. Because of injuries, he has not been able to come close to 20 wins, and he has had physical problems, so it comes down to how confident they are about hi health. But having said that, they need to keep him, because when healthy he is a great pitcher.

If this is actually just Joe, isn't it amazing that he never catches on when 5-10 people bait him every week by using "consistent" in their questions?

Speaking of which...we got several emails from readers suggesting that all the JoeBaiting may be having a deleterious effect on the quality of the actual chats. I hate to tell anyone how to live his or her life, but it is possible, I think, that we should all cool it on the baiting, the better to observe Joe in his natural habitat, Meerkat Manor-style. I leave it to you to decide.

Adam (Toledo): With the Tigers playing as well as they are and starting to get their pitching turned around do you think they can catch and pass the Twins and put pressure on the White Sox before the All-Star Break?

Joe Morgan: Well I am not sure how quickly they can do it becaused they dug a deep hole. But I think they can win the division, because they can win 8-10 ball games in a row with that pitching a hitting. The Twins and Sox have kind of waited for them, and that has given them the chance to stay in the race depsite their horrible start. But they need to be more consistent...

Come on. This is insane.

they have been shut out more than any other team in the majors, and yet they can also score 19 runs in a game. So they need consistency.

I now am 90% sure someone is toying with me.

Jacob (Brooklyn): The AL is beating up on the NL in interleague again. Why do you think the gap between the two leagues continues to be so significant?

Joe Morgan: Well for a while there the AL brought in all the young stars, and now the NL is starting to do it. But now those young AL players are maturing and have become great players. Yes the AL is the better league, but these things happen in cycles, and it may change in 5 years. But I do think on a daily basis the pitching and hitting is consistenyl better in the AL.

"Consistenyl" should be the name of a prescription drug you can take to make yourself more consistent.

Eric (NYC): What's wrong with David Wright? Is Willie's absence hurting his consistency?

For the record, if 100 people in a row asked me questions using the same word, I would suspect something were amiss.

Joe Morgan: Well Willie has not been gone that long. I know Wright was a big fan of his and he felt that Willie heleped him become a big leaguer, but David is a strong individual and has got over Willie's absence. There is no consistency in the lineup and that changes his perspective and puts pressure on him. Of the top 4 hitters, he is the only consistent one, and I think that has put extra pressure on him.

If I answered each of those 100 questions using the same word that the questioners had used -- often using it twice in the same answer -- I would resign to spend more time with my family.

Kevin (Boston): Schilling a hall of famer, Joe?

Joe Morgan: I do not like talking about it since I am invovled with the Hall of Fame,

I just tried to play "invovled" in Scrabulous and it claimed it isn't a word. But that program is super buggy. Also, if Joe is true to form, he will follow up his "I can't discuss the HOF" with a lengthy discussion of the HOF.

but I will say that there are pitchers with more wins than him and they are not in. But the game is different now, and people look at pitchers differenly It's a tough call, but 216 wins usually is not enough, and it is a shame he is injured because he would have gotten more wins.

Not quite true to form, I guess. Also, I literally cannot wait for the pro/con articles about Schilling's candidacy in five years. It's going to be wonderful. I don't even know if this blog will exist, still, but if it has gone fallow we might have to revive it just for that discussion.

Also: wins are stupid.

Chris (London, UK): What's your take on the Mariners this season? Are they underperforming, or were they always going to be this bad?

Joe Morgan: I think they are underperforming and a lot of it could be injuries and the bad start which cost them their cofidence.

I just got 102 points on Scrabulous with "cofidence."

I thought they were going to be in it in the West. I think their confidence has eroded due to the bad start and the many tough losses they have suffered in the proccess.

Reasons Cited So Far For Mariners' Underperformance:

1. Injuries
2. Bad start
3. Loss of cofidence from bad start
4. Loss of confidence due to bad start
5. Losses

I thought they were a better team than this and the bad luck continues with the Hernadez injury.

And we come back all the way around to #1 with:

6. Injuries.

The end.

Labels: Consistenyl™, hall of fame, joe morgan, joechat

Depending on your definition of porn, I guess. JoeChat.com (see post below) is more "traditionally" porny, but our JoeChat is certainly still offensive to many people with refined aesthetics.

Buzzmaster: We've got Joe!

Ken Tremendous: Great! Keep him! (rim shot)

kerry, katonah, ny: If anyone would know Joe, it's you. How good is Robinson Cano? Is he the long term second baseman for the Yankees?

Joe Morgan: I think he's a very good player. Right now, he's a very good offensive player than defensive player.

KT: Say again? "He's a very good offensive player than defensive player?" I think you meant, "He's a mucher more gooder offensive player contrabalanced versus defensive make-plays-man."

It's easier to learn defense. I think he'll be a very good player for a long time.

KT: Do you realize you've written the word "player" four times in four sentences?

Defensive problems come from concentration lapses.

KT: Or, presumably, not being good at defense? No?

Nick (New Jersey): Mr. Morgan, is Big Papi the best clutch hitter you've ever seen?

Joe Morgan: I very rarely ever say the best I've ever seen, unless I'm talking about Willie Mays.

"Hey, Joe -- how about this omelet? Is this not the best omelet ever?"
"Willie Mays."
"...What?"

He's a great hitter. He's the best clutch hitter of his generation. I said two years ago that he was a great clutch hitter and that was before some of his more recent heroics

KT: Many of our readers have pointed out a trait of Joe's I had previously missed; namely, that he seemingly lays claim to just about every observation anyone has ever made. He constantly works into these chats sentences like this one here: "I said two years ago that David Ortiz was good!" Watch for it, especially during his Sunday Night Baseball tele-disasters. They're a constant barrage of "I've been saying for years that Albert Pujols is the best hitter in the game" and "I said when I saw Beltran in spring training that he was going to have a good year" and "I knew in 1983 that Barry Bonds was going to be great" and "I predicted last October that You, Me, and DuPree was going to underperform at the box office."

Miami,FL: why do you think that the nationals did not trade alfonso soriano? Also, why do you think that roger clemens didn't go to boston? do you think he might have something to the owner?

Joe Morgan: It surprises me that they didn't trade him. It tells me that they think that they can sign him for next year. But he's going to be a free agent. I think it was a mistake, personally, but if they can sign him, it wasn't a mistake.

KT: What I like about this is that the guy asks about Soriano and Clemens, and Joe's answer employs only the pronouns "him" and "he" for a player and "they" for a team, with no antecedent for either. And yet, the answer applies accurately to both Soriano and Clemens (although he is most likely talking only of Soriano). Joe is either the most efficient answerer ever, or he stopped reading after the first part of the question. Guesses?

Scott (DC): Joe, What more puzzling? Soriano not being dealt or Clemens/Oswalt/Lidge being rumored to be dealt?

Joe Morgan: I knew that Oswalt was in a deal. I hadn't heard anything about Clemens. It's surprising to me if the owner had said to trade one guy. He probably just wanted to improve the team.

1. You did not answer the question.
2. "It's surprising to me if the owner had said to trade one guy?" Which guy? What are you saying?
3. Of course he wanted to improve his team.
4. "The owner"'s name is Drayton McLane. You should know that.

Jeff (Sioux Falls SD): Which stadium is the most underratedd?

Joe Morgan: That depends what you're talking about. I would say Seattle.

KT: So...it doesn't depend on what he's talking about?

Barry ((Providence,RI)): How does Abreu's aquisition effect Sheffield's chance of getting the option picked up?

KT: Excellent question. So good, in fact, that I would like to ask Joe to answer it by spontaneously writing a free-verse slam poem, entitled, "It Doesn't Look Good."

Joe Morgan: It doesn't look good. Obviously, I don't know what's in their minds, but it doesn't look good for Sheffield. Matsui's already signed to a long deal and so is Damon. It doesn't look good for Sheffield.

KT: Nicely done.

Drew (MIdland Tx): Hello Joe: I'm a huge Yankees fan and I know about Abreu, and Wilson; but not much about Lidle. I know he's an upgrade as the 5 starter (Ponson...HA-HA-HA), but just how good is his stuff right now. Oh, and how will these moves impact the Yanks...Al East?, Wildcard?, World series???

Joe Morgan: I don't know a ton about Lidle, but I do think he'll be able to help them. He can give them some innings and help the rotation. If they can get him some runs, they can win.

KT: Those of you who play the JoeChat home game will recognize this as the template answer for the question: "Will PITCHER X help my favorite team?"

Joe: "I don't know a ton about PITCHER X, but I do think he'll be able to help them. He can give them some innings and help the rotation. If they can get him some runs, they can win.

Works for every pitcher in every situation. It's the equivalent of a meteorologist saying, "Partly cloudy, chance of showers." Except this meteorologist is a multiple Emmy-winner and among the highest-paid color commentators in America.

Kevin (Manassas): Hey Joe..Can Cesar Izturis start playing like an all-star again with the Cubs? I think him and Cedeno at second will be a nice young middle infield, and hopefully we won't have to see Neifi Perez a much.

KT: Pay close attention to Joe's first two sentences here.

Joe Morgan: He was one of my favorite players before he got injured. I haven't seen him play this year to see how strong his arm is. (...)

KT: The essence of Joe. He was one of my favorite players. I never watch him play.

Carson (Dallas): Hello Joe, why don't we see many big time base stealers anymore? What happened to guys like Willie Wilson, Henderson, and Coleman?

Joe Morgan: The game has changed. We went through a spell where everyone was looking for a three-run homer. Now it's a lost art. Not many people know how to do it anymore. Now, it's all home runs, home runs.

KT: Baseball is so stupid. It used to be that teams made low-percentage maneuvers when trying to score runs. Now they make higher-percentage maneuvers. What idiots. If everyone bunted and stole bases all the time, offenses would be as good as they were in the 1960's and '70's.

You know what else is a lost art? Using reel-to-reel tape recorders to record music.

NickT (NewJersey): Hey Joe, I was wondering do you think Randy Johnson lost his stuff, or is he just having a bad year?

Joe Morgan: Well, at this age, there's no such thing as a bad year. (...)

KT: That's right. Because performance is graded on an age curve. Every year over 38 you get to take an increasing percentage off your era to get your AAERA (Age-Adjusted ERA). RJ is 42, and even though his ERA is over 5.00, his AAERA is a sterling 2.61! Which is awesome, except that this is made-up.

I know Joe is kind of kidding here, but the answer is: he's lost his stuff, a little. Not all of it. But some. The DRays kicked the crap out of him the other day, a result he now encounters about 25x more than he did even a few years ago.

I will now present a slightly -- slightly -- edited version of Joe's sign-off. All I have done is remove a sentence or two -- no additions.

Joe Morgan: I spent the weekend in Cooperstown. It was a great occaision. I thought it was great. It's always great to be there and it's always great when great players take their rightful place in the Hall of Fame.

KT: Sounds great!

Buzzmaster: Thanks to Joe for stopping by. Next up is Rob Neyer!

KT: Thank god. Help is on the way.

Labels: joe morgan, joechat

I'm guessing this is the last one. If so, it was a helluva ride. Can you believe it was just a few short months ago that we first had a 2007 JoeChat? Best of luck, seniors!

Joe Morgan: It was a very good ALCS going seven games, however, there were not many close games besides the 4-2 Indians win.

Ken Tremendous: How about Game 2, that went 11 innings? The final was not close, but the game was won in extra innings. How about Game 7, wherein the Sox were barely hanging on to a 3-2 lead in the 7th when Kenny Lofton was inexplicably held up at 3rd on a ball Manny Ramirez was probably planning to lob back to second? That was a close game. Game Five was 2-1 through six. So that's four out of seven games I would describe as "close," or at least "tense."

The one thing I learned is that Boston is a better team than they appeared to be when the series first started.

You mean, better than a team that had co-led the majors in wins and swept the ALDS and won Game 1 10-3? What are you even talking about?

Trent (Cleveland): I must admit I am disappointed with the Indians ultimate demise, how can I not be with a 3-1 lead in the ALCS, but what do you forsee over the next few seasons for the tribe? I think we are in great shape.

Joe Morgan: Well anytime you get to Game 7 of the ALCS you are in good shape, and they learned a lot from this series. But you have to rememeber, baseball is a sport that you cannnot just say wait till next year, because that can become the battle cry for years. But I think Cleveland is a very good team, and along with Boston one of the top 2 teams in the AL.

KT: "Rememeber" is the new "concetrate." He makes that typo a lot. Also, your hard-earned entertainment dollars are helping to pay the salary of a man who declares the ALCS runner-up as "one of the top 2 teams in the AL."

Jason (DC): Joe -- can the Rockies overcome the 8 day layoff (and the snow)? Seems like it could be a challenge to bring the proper concetration and consistency, after their break.

KT: Ahhhh, Jason. Concetration and consistency. Bless you.

Joe Morgan: The long layoff is a big challenge which they could not control. What they need is for two or three guys to step up in Boston to help the team get their timing back. It is a huge challenge, however, especially with what a roll they were on.

I would like a video demonstration of the proper way to "step up in order to help one's team get its timing back." What would that entail, I wonder? What kind of non-baseball-related sorcery is this? What kind of b'witchèd blacke magik must one conjure? Or are you just saying: "Some guys need to hit well?" In which case: why didn't you just say that?

Kyle (NJ): Hey Joe, can the Brewers win the Central next year?

Joe Morgan: Well they could have wonn it this year! But the Brewers played as poorly as the Cubs and did not make it. I think they can win it next year, but they need to be more consistent.

Bingo bango bongo! Congratulations, everyone. This is the fifty millionth use of "consistent" in JoeChat history. Everyone on this blog gets a free dozen donuts, compliments of our friends at Dunkin' Donuts.

That horrible stretch this season cost them the division. But I do expect them to be one of the main challengers. But with Baker in Cincinnati I expect the Reds to be in the mix as well.

Yes. The 72-90 Reds will be much better next year...because Dusty Baker is managing them. Dusty Baker. Dusty Baker is managing them now, so they will be better. Dusty. Baker.

SprungOnSports (Long Island): Can the Rockies stop Josh Beckett? What do the hitters have to do to get to a player that has been lights out this postseason?

Joe Morgan: Well the Rockies have more good hitters/consistent hitters than Cleveland. I think the Rockies lineup will be a little tougher for Beckett, but he is and ace and can beat anyone.

KT: 50,000,001 for "consistent." And I guess "what they have to do" to get to Beckett is: "...?"

Aaron (houston): What do the 'stros need to do to get back on track next year?

Joe Morgan: Well they need offense. Their offense made the pitching look worse than it was. They had no consistency in that lineup outside of Lee.

50,000,002.

They need to be able to score runs consistently.

50,000,003. This is exciting!

Hugh (WPB, Florida): How exciting is Dustin Pedroia?? Do you see a little bit of yourself in the way he plays? I think he can be a very consistent hitter for years to come.

KT: Sorry, Hugh. This nice bit of JoeBaiting comes too late. He's already consistency'd out.

Jason (DC): Joe -- with a fully healed Gary Sheffield and all the other big guns coming back, will Detroit dethrone Cleveland in the AL Central next year?

KT: Gary Sheffield, who makes Joe Morgan's heart race like no other, is going to be 39 next year. He's coming off his worst season in years -- possibly ever -- one that was filled with injuries. One might -- were one thinking clearly -- be tempted to suggest that the key to the AL Central race next year (a race that features Carmona, Sabathia, Verlander, Bonderman, Sizemore, Martinez, Polanco, Zumaya, Betancourt, Hafner, Guillen, et al.) does not really depend all that much on Gary Sheffield and his 12.9 VORP.

Joe Morgan: It is hard to say, but Detroit with Sheffield is a much better team. I think that is a very good question, but you never know in basbeall. A team may emerge out of nowhere. But yes, Detroit and Cleveland at the moment have to be the favorites if everyone is healthy.

One might also be tempted, were one Joe Morgan to write: "Hard to say...good question...you never know...some other team might also be good...but given certain conditions..."

Ed (Boston): Joe what did you think of the Red Sox coming back from a 3-1 defecit?

Joe Morgan: It was not as dramatic as the 3-0 comaeback against the Yankees. But when I was in Boston, earlier there was a feeling amongst the fans that Boston would win. That feeling was felt by the players as well. They beat Sabbathia and Carmona to get back, and when you beat two aces like that it says a lot about your team. Beckett beat Sabathia on his own.

Josh Beckett's hitting stats against C.C. Sabathia in Game Five: 10-29, 2 BB, 1 HR. Hell of an effort at the plate from Josh Beckett.

Beckett had nothing to do with beating Sabathia. He beat the other guys on the team. That is how baseball works.

Craig (Richmond): Joe what does Cleveland need in order to take them to that next level, ie and World Series birth?

Joe Morgan: They were one game from that next level, so they do not need to do too much... They do not need to make a lot of moves, they just need to learn how to close out a series.

KT: There's a class you can take for that at the Y, I think. Should be no problem. I might also recommend trying to trade for another starter, maybe, or looking to replace Kenny Lofton, or moving Betancourt to the closer/relief ace role and picking up or developing another reliever. But definitely the most important thing is to take that class on how to close out a series. Because most people just think you need to win the fourth game, but there's a lot more to it than that, and this class will teach you everything. It's like $349/person but it's totally worth it.

Joe Morgan: I have to run. But enjoy the Game1!

KT: Those of you who spend a lot of time on the internet know that it is very common for excited people accidentally to type the numeral 1 when ending a sentence, often mixed in with exclamation points. (Ex. "OMG Zac Efron is the dreamiest!!1!!!1!!!!!") My question is: was Joe typing "Enjoy the Game" and accidentally typed the "1" as if he were a young girl talking about Zac Efron, or did he write "Enjoy the Game 1!" and forget to leave a space?

This is a question I will spend all day trying to figure out.

Labels: concetrate, dusty baker, joe morgan, joechat

...charge.

Joe Morgan: As soon as we think we have sports figured out,

No right-minded person ever thinks this.

things seem to go awry. Everyone thought Big Brown would win easily, everyone thought the Lakers would win easily,

The Celtics had home court advantage.

and everyone thought the Tigers would win easily. None of that has happened, and it makes for an interesting sports climate. That said, I still don't know which team will be in the World Series.

Real quick:

1. There are two teams in the World Series.
2. Read your first sentence and your last sentence together, and see if it makes sense. "As soon as we think we have sports figured out, things seem to go awry. That said, I still don't know which team will be in the World Series."

Or: "Sports are unpredictable. That said, the end result of this sports season is unpredictable."

Off to an A+ start.

Danny (NY): Hi Joe, lots of writers and reporters are suggesting that griffey would be at 700 homers if he stayed healthy. don't you find this "math" kind of ridiculous?

JoeBait? If so, well done.

Joe Morgan: No, Griffey has missed a lot of time--close to three or four full seasons. I think it's possible that he could be close to 700 without injuries, but that is just speculation. You never know what a guy can do. But using his home runs per at-bat ratio, it'd probably have him close to 700.

Can't predict / Predicts it then announces it's just a prediction / Can't predict / Uses math to predict it.

Joe Morgan: But it's always hard to speculate on what someone would or would not do.

For the millionth time: we know. You're an expert. We're asking your opinion. No need for the qualification.

Imagine if every expert in every field operated this way.

"Here's Storm Cloudman with the weather. Storm? What can we expect this weekend?"

"Well, Rich, I simply do not know. I mean, I could guess, but what would be the point? It's impossible to tell. Too early. Anything could happen. Who can say, really? There will be weather of some kind -- that's a given. But I can't really speculate."

"Thanks. Say, is Storm Cloudman your real name?"

"No. My real name is Coriolis Effect von Thunderbolt."

Lee (NYC): Joe, thanks for taking my question. I am a Yankee fan but I have always been a huge Willie Randolph fan. I feel that Willie Randolph has nothing to do with the mess the Mets are in. Shouldn't Omar Minaya take most of the blame? He put this team together.

Joe Morgan: He has to take his share of the blame for putting the team together, but the manager usually takes the blame first. If Willie is fired, the focus will go to the GM. If he stays, the focus will stay on him. But it would be that way in other cities too. The Mariners are way under .500, for instance, but no one is criticizing the GM, they're looking at the manager.

Hear that, recently-fired Bill Bavasi? No one blames you.

Joe Wheaton, IL: With the AL Central being weak this year do you feel the sox can run away with it? and what mid season move do you feel would help the sox take that next step to finish off min,clev,det and kc?

Joe Morgan: I've felt that the Sox could win the division, although they will not run away with it. They will go through spells where they cannot hit at all. They have good pitching, but without a well-rounded total attack, you can't run away with a division. That said, I don't know who will get hot and chase them.

"That Said" should be the title of Joe's autobiography.


Keith (Miami): Can you see the Marlins making any moves, maybe for a pitcher near the deadline if they continue to stay in it?

Joe Morgan: We don't know...We will just have to wait and see...

Kyle (PA): Joe, does Gary Sheffield hit the hardest line drives you've ever seen?

Joe Morgan: Probably.

(See this, if you don't know the JoeBait backstory here.)

And for the finale:

Joe Morgan: Everything else is up for grabs. That said, so many things can change by September.

JoeChat Advisory:

These haven't been that fun lately, frankly. They have their share of "consistently"s and "Sheffield"s and stuff, but in general, whether it's Bill Fremp or Joe getting better or something, the answers aren't that crazy and the jokes are starting to feel the same. So, this may be the last full JoeChat for a while. I may start just picking out individual moments or something...whatever. We'll play it by ear. It's a blog, after all, so we'll wing it.

That said, this could all change tomorrow.

Labels: bill fremp, Coriolis Effect von Thunderbolt, joe morgan, joechat

I have to say, it's nice to be back at ol' Fremulon Ins., Inc. The fluorescent lighting. The thin, ratty, light-gray industrial carpet. The sweet sound of my phone beeping with news of another downturn in our company's pension portfolio.
And, since it's Tuesday, the chance to ignore all of it and focus on another JoeChat.

Joe Morgan: The NL Central, it seems like it is going to go to the last day and maybe further! Let's get started!

Ken Tremendous: Picture that being read by a 13 year-old Russian boy who just learned English. It's funnier now, isn't it?

James (Charlotte): Hey Joe, this is probably the 100th time you see this question today but what do you think of Pedro's performance yesterday? Do you think he'll be good enough to be part of the playoff rotation and get the Mets to the World Series?

KT: Now, let's get off to a good start here, Joe. The question is: for the 100th time (probably), what did you think of Pedro's performance yesterday?

Joe Morgan: The difficult question is whether he will stay in the rotation.

KT: Yes, but the actual question -- the one you are being paid to answer -- is: what did you think of Pedro's performance yesterday?

I really believe that guys like Pedro, or Clemens, have an impact on a team even when they are not at their best.

Was he at his best? You can answer that question by answering the original question: what did you think of Pedro's performance yesterday?

Their toughness and confidence is something a team feeds off. I think Clemens has really helped the Yankees as far as mental toughness even though he is only 6-6.

Yes. Okay. That's an interesting comment about a man who is not Pedro Martinez. Quick refresher: the question on the table: what did you think of Pedro's performance yesterday?

So guys like Pedro and Roger bring more than just pitching. But no one can tell what Pedro will do the rest of the way at this point.

Hey -- I have a question, a propos of nothing. What did you think of Pedro's performance yesterday?

We need to see him pitch a few more games,

Other than the one he pitched yesterday? What did you think of Pedro's performance yesterday?

but I am sure the Mets are very glad to have him back even at less than 100%.

Me too, based on how he pitched yesterday, which was: pretty well.

Andy (Fountain Valley, CA): Joe, the Red Sox, Angels, and Indians seem like virtual locks for the playoffs. Out of those 3, which one would you not want to face in the playoffs?

KT: As you read this answer, imagine an ant walking across a patch of ground, meandering this way and that, possibly in search of crumbs of food, but with no discernible goal, or target, or direction, or coherent sequence of cognitive stimuli.

Joe Morgan: I think Boston is the best team overall, if you are looking at 162 games. I think the Angles would be the toughest team to face in the playoffs. In the playoffs you do not often see a fourth or fifth starter, so when you look at it that way I think the Angels are the toughest team. So I would hate the face the Angels even though Boston is the better team over 162 games. I say this, because if you play the Red Sox in Boston it is really tough to beat them, and you have a better shot on the road. So it will comedown to who has the best record. So if the Angels and Red Sox meet it will comedown to who has homefield.

When you think of the ant, it makes it easier to read, doesn't it? Because there's no pressure for it to follow one continuous line of thought.

Josh W NY, NY: Do you think any National League team has any chance to beat an American League team in the World Series?

Joe Morgan: Any team that gets into the playoffs can win the World Series. The AL will be favored, but look at what happened last year. In a short series anyone can get hot and win; so yes an NL team can win. I think the Mets would have the best chance. I think the Padres would also have a good chance because of their pitching. Remember it is not always the best team that wins, but the team that is playing best at the time.

KT: And then just like that he turns on his brain and lets loose with a straightforward, cogent answer. Why can't they all be like this?

Sean (Boston): Hi Joe, being the greatest second basemen of all time, what did you think of Pedroia's play to save the no-hitter for Buchholz on Saturday?

Joe Morgan: Thanks for the compliment, but let me add "arguably."

This made me laugh out loud. What modesty. It's like in that famous "Five-Timer's Club" SNL cold open, where Tom Hanks addresses Steve Martin as "Mr. Martin," and he replies, "Please -- call me Mr. Steve Martin."

Tim (Pottstown, PA): Will the Phillies make the playoffs?

Joe Morgan: The way the teams are playing now in the NL, you just cannot predict anything.

KT: Unless you are an Emmy-winning analyst who is paid to predict things. Take a shot. There are two choices. Yes? No?

I mean the Phillies sweep the Mets and now lose three out of four with the Mets earning a bunch of games back. You cannot do that and catch the Mets so now they need to focus on the Wild Card. They have a chance, but these teams need to get more consistent and right now none of the Wild Card teams are consistent.

Our old friend "consistent" makes a double-appearance. And "they have a chance" is not a good answer to a yes or no question. Acceptable answers are: yes, no.

Rob (Portland, OR): AS a former player, can you tell people just how tough ti is to get 200 hits in 7 straight seasons? Is Ichiro a hall of famer even if he doesn't get 3,000 hits?

Joe Morgan: I cannot tell you how tough it is because I never got there. But I did play with Pete Rose who reached 200 hits in a season a couple times. The keys are you have to be a good hitter, avoid injuries, and be a guy who does not walk much.

Unless you are the last person who had 7 straight seasons of 200+ hits, Wade Boggs, who averaged 102 walks per year for those seven years. #1 in the league in times on base, 1983-1990. 23rd all-time in walks.

Pete Rose averaged 71 BB for every 162 games, FWIW. Ichiro is at 47.

Jason (DC): Joe -- Will the Tigers be able to find the necessary consistency to sneak into the playoffs again?

Tigers question. "Consistency." I smell a Joe-baiter. If Joe hits us with some Sheffield action, we have a live one.

Joe Morgan: A week ago I thought they would, but now I am not sure, especially with Sheffield out.

Bam.

He was a big part of their offense, and their personality. Gary is a tough guy and when you lose a guy like that it has an effect. I am not sure about them, losing that 7 run lead to the As was a big loss. But again, everyone else is incosistent as well, so it is hard to tell.

Everyone is inconsistent. Gary Sheffield is awesome. I don't know, I'm not sure, I'm not sure. A perfect JoeChat answer. Kudos, Jason from D.C.

Liz ( Big Apple): Do you think Mike Mussina will Retire? Al Leiter said he knew it was time for him to retire- same with David Justice. Wouldn't Moose want to go out on a high note and not like this? Thanks Joe

Joe Morgan: Well the answer to this is only Moose knows.

Yes, but the question was: do you think he will?

He has to look into the mirror and decide that. But he may not be able to go out on a good note if he is finished. The worst thing is if you lose your ability but try to hang in there. I have only seen him pitch on tv so it is hard for me to tell if he can still win or not.

You see, people, TV distorts the results of play significantly. If Moose gives up 19 runs in three starts on TV, well, thats fine and good. But if you were there, in the park, you would have seen something different. You would have seen him gutting out three straight 7IP, 5H, 1-run performances, wriggling out of jams with GIDPs and setting up hitters beautifully with a dastardly melange of off-speed breaking stuff, making his 84-mph FBs look like Verlander's best. TV is a lie. Do not trust it. Always check the box scores. Often times, what appeared to be a 9-2 loss on TV is really a gritty 6-4 win.

He does not have to be as dominant as he was before, he just needs to get people out, and only he knows if he can do that.

Oh -- no, sorry, I know too. Because I watched him on TV. He's got nothing.

KL - NC: Is Jake Peavy the best pitcher in the NL, MLB>

Joe Morgan: At the first half of the season it was Webb, and then Young, and now Peavy. Peavy has been the most consistent, so you can make that argument for the NL.

June 4, 1944. Bonham, TX.

Joe Morgan's Dad: Are you hungry, Baby Joe? Want some food? Okay. There we go. Here comes the airplane! Brrrrrrrrrr--

Baby Joe: Comsistent.

Joe Morgan's Dad: Wha-- honey! Honey come here!

Baby Joe: Comsisterg. Gheeeeee!

Joe Morgan's Mom: What is it? Is everything okay?

Joe Morgan's Dad: Baby Joe said his first word!

Joe Morgan's Mom: What? Oh my God! What was it? Mama? Dada?

Joe Morgan's Dad: No. It was...something else. I couldn't quite--

Baby Joe: Cormsistent.

(beat)

Baby Joe: Consistent.

Joe Morgan's Mom: "Consistent?" What the hell kind of first word is "consistent?"

Joe Morgan's Dad: Was that it? I couldn't quite--

Joe Morgan: Sheffield.

Joe Morgan's Mom: What are you saying, Baby Joe? Mommy can't understand--

Baby Joe: Cormsistent. Sheffield. Big Red Morchines. Concepcion should be in Hall of Farm! Gooooorrrrrrm. Bee bee bee! Slidepiece. Billy Beane wrote "Moneyball."

Joe Morgan's Mom: What is he saying? Who's Billy Beane?

Joe Morgan's Dad: I don't know. But we have a genius on our hands!

JC: What are David Wright's chances for MVP? He's been on an absolute tear the last couple of months...

Joe Morgan: This is a year when the NL MVP is very open. Usually you have a sure guy like Pujols, or Howard last year.

Last year's NL MVP voting:

Howard 388
Pujols 347

Drew, Wisconsin: With the increasing struggle of the Brewers bullpen/starting pitching, do you see any way for them to actually regain the central lead?

Joe Morgan: The difficult part is they have lost their confidence in both areas. Ben Sheets being back may help the starters as far as relieving pressure, but the bullpen is still a problem. It will be difficult. But the Cubs should have a bigger lead than they have, but that is a result of the way Zambrano has struggled. So the Brewers still have a chance, just because the division is so inconsitent.

September 10, 1953. Bonham, TX.

Joe's Teacher: Okay, class, we are going to read our essays on what we did over our summer vacations. Joey? Why don't you go first?

10 Year-Old Joe: This summer I went swimming every day in the pool. I was very consistent in my swimming. I swam consistently from one side to the other. The key to my swimming was consistency. After that I would consistently have lunch with Bobby, my friend. I always had ham and cheese but Bobby was all over the place. Some days he had peanut butter, some days he had a banana, some days he would eat ham like me. Bobby was not very consistent with lunch and that is why I am not friends with him anymore because he was not consistent. Then I would go home and my mom would consistently be there waiting for me and consistently every night would make me dinner and she would read to me consistently from the same book which was called "Are You There God? It's Me, Consistency" and I would sleep for the same amount of time every night in the same PJs. My summer was consistent.

Joe's Teacher: A-plus!

Joe Morgan: I am sure when we talk next week we will still be talking about all the same teams and their chances. And that can be good for the game, but I think we have a lot of average teams competing for poastseason spots, rather than a lot of great teams.

See you next week, you ol' consistent sourpuss!

Labels: fremulon insurance, joe morgan, joechat

Eh. There's a JoeChat. It's not supergreat. Whatever.

Kevin (Omaha): Who do you think is the best rookie in the AL, and do you think moving Joba Chamberlain to the rotation will impact AL ROY?

Joe Morgan: Right now, I think players like Ellsbury, Carlos Gomez, Evan Longoria, Adam Jones, and Joba are having positive impacts on their clubs, but it's only June.

The encouraging thing here is that he knows all of those names. The negative thing is that the claim he is making is so weak it barely qualifies as a sentence. "I think (six awesome young payers) are having positive impacts on their teams. Wait -- that sounds too risky. Let's add a qualifier."

I don't think Joba moving to the rotation impacts the other guys. It'd be hard for him as a starter starting this late to win the ROY award. It'll only impact his team and help them with the rotation which needs a lot of help. But it's too early to say someone is going to be rookie of the year or not.

Too early. Sorry. Can't say. No answers here. Nothing to see. Move along, people.

howard (jersey city, nj): Hi Joe! As an ex-Red you must be excited about Jay Bruce. Do you think he can keep up this pace and how hard is it for a rookie to develop the consistancy needed to be a superstar? Thanks!

There's no great answer to this. I just want to announce that "consistancy" (sic) is now the official JoeBait of FJM.

rob (Houston): Are the Rays for real? Can they actually win the AL East?

Joe Morgan: Anyone in this position at this time, like the Rays or Marlins, can win.

The Marlins are +4 runs scored/runs allowed. The Phillies are + 63. All things being equal, there is a very very very small chance that the Marlins can overtake the Phillies (usual caveats about injuries, trades, SSS, etc.). The Rays are +22, but they've played 9 more home games than away games so far, and the +22 is only good for 3rd in the East (and the Yankees aren't #1 or #2). You'd bet on the Marlins, I guess, of the two of them, but it doesn't look good for either one.

Sincerely,

The Opposite of Joe Morgan

They have proven they can play well and their confidence level has grown where they definitely think they are the best team. They should definitely have confidence in their ability to win. They're a young team, so they do have an advantage in that they will stay fresh longer, but they also have to deal with the pressure of a pennant race, where older guys have been through it before. This series against the Red Sox should tell them a lot about where they are.

I just...I don't know. I'm having one of those crises. Is this just fish in a barrel, poking fun at a guy this predictable? There's not one actual ounce of analysis in this analysis. It's like how Friendly's has to call their milkshake-y product a "Fribble" because there's no actual milk in it. (At least, that was the urban legend in my town growing up.)

Jason (DC): Good morning Joe, whats wrong with my Detroit Tigers? it seems to me like they may have gone too far with acquiring slow-footed sluggers, at the expense of younger, speedier guys who could run the bases better, putting pressure on the defense and causing mistakes. If Sheffield can come back healthy, how do you like their chances? seems too early to count them out, since none of the other teams in the AL Central look like they have the consistency to pull away from the pack.

Detroit: 276 runs scored, 4th in AL (and 1 behind third place Minnesota).
Detroit: 302 runs allowed, third most in AL (and only 2 behind Seattle). Only Texas is really a worse staff than Detroit. So...let's talk about pitching!

Joe Morgan: Everything you say is true, but hindsight is always 20/20. When they put this team together, it looked to be a revisiting of the '27 Yankees. They have not hit well as a team,

4th/3rd most runs in the AL after losing several key players to injuries early on and having a bunch of guys get off to slow starts. Pitching. Pitching is the problem.

despite some good individual performances. They got shut out for the NINTH time last week.

4.74 team ERA. Pitching.

There's a lot going on there. They have enough speed where guys can score from second and go first to third.

Four main starters have WHIPs over 1.40. Verlander's K rate is down to just over 5 per 9 IP. Nate Robertson's ERA is over 6.00 in 72 innings. Pitching.

Speed is not their biggest problem,

Pitching is. Say it.

though it does help you. Make no mistake, it is not too late.

...To get some pitching help?

They are still in striking distance of Chicago. It's a long season and they need to get their act together. They could put together a 15 game winning streak.

Not one mention of pitching. Anywhere. Not one.

John (Atlanta): What pitch from which pitcher was the nastiest you saw during your career?

Joe Morgan: I think Sandy Koufax had the best overall stuff. Bob Gibson had the toughest low fastball. Koufax's was more belt-high and above. I still to this day think the fastball, thrown properly, is the toughest pitch to hit. But there were a lot of guys I'd faced with great stuff.

Joe Morgan: The pitch that probably bothered me the most was a guy like Kent Tekulve, who threw a great underhand sinker. That's just from a personal standpoint.

Years from now, when all scientists and researchers on Earth or its 4 Colonies (Mars, Betelgeuse, Blargon 7, and Papelbonia) are required by Galactic Law to spend a full year analyzing Joe Morgan's writing, this answer may turn out to be a key to unlocking just what the hell is going on in his brain. The question is: which pitch from a specific pitcher was the nastiest that you, Joe, saw in your career. He says some stuff about Koufax and Gibson...fine. Then he says: the pitch that bothered me the most was Kent Tekulve's underhand sinker. An excellent answer -- much more interesting that "Bob Gibson's fastball." But then he adds: "That's just from a personal standpoint." As if, like, apologizing that he has decided to answer the question from a "personal standpoint." When the question was aimed at getting his "personal standpoint."

Explain.

Elias in Iowa: How ya doin' Joe? What do you think about the Cardinals rotation? Can they continue this (minus Wainwrights start last night) for the rest of the season? Do you think Mark Mulder will ever be the same again?

Joe Morgan: Anytime you've kept up a performance into June, you're capable of doing it the rest of the way. The Cardinals have overachieved a bit, but they are very confident now, and I think they will continue to pitch well. It's difficult to say if Mulder will recover. Arm injuries are always uncertain, so you're never 100 percent committed to a pitch--the best you can ever get is 90 to 95 percent because you're worried about overextending. I don't know that he'll be the same, but he is a smart pitcher and I think he can still win ballgames if he gets back.

It's not really about intelligence, man. It's about his shoulder. And he recently said that he'd rather retire than have another operation. He threw 11 innings last year, gave up 22 hits, and shut it down. He hasn't pitched this year and there doesn't seem to be a timetable for him to do so. Come on, Joe. Know something. (And by the way, while you're at it, go ahead and give Billy Beane another round of applause for getting Calero, Barton and Haren for Mulder. And everybody said he was crazy.)

Joe Morgan: Looking forward to talking to you all again next week!

I guess.

Labels: joe morgan, joechat

I have invented a name for the ESPN intern whose job it is to type in/clean up/invent Joe's answers to these chats. It's Bill Fremp. He's 22, he went to Conn College, but he's originally from Edgewood KY and is a diehard Reds fan, which is why he's covering for Joe by judiciously editing Joe's comments and stream-of-(lack of)-consciousness ramblings, and entering semi-coherent versions of same into the record. Let's see how Bill does today.

Joe Morgan: I may be the only one that feels this way, but I still believe the weather has had an adverse affect on some of th ebest hitters in the game.

Nicely-placed typo, Bill. You can't fool me. Joe's not typing this.

In places like Detroit and Boston, hitters are struggling. But you have to give credit to the guys who have persevered and fought through the cold weather. But as it warms up, there will be more offense coming from some of the best hitters in the game.

You've studied old chats, haven't you, Billy m'boy? You remember that sometimes Joe says "but" at the beginning of every sentence. You're good, I'll give you that. You're very good.

Randy(Knoxville,TN): Good morning Joe!! My question for you is about Alfonso Soriano...what are your thoughts on him as the lead-off man for the Cub offense? While he can provide instant offense with the long ball, he also strikes out a bunch and doesnt draw many walks. Last year he struck out 99 more times than he drew a walk(130 K's vs 31 BB). I love him as a hitter, but not at the top. What do you think?Thanks, Joe.

Joe Morgan: I have never felt like he should be a leadoff hitter, but both Torre and Piniella used him there because he felt more comfortable. But if I'm paying a guy millions of dollars, I'm going to hit him where he can serve the team the best. His on-base percentage is not where a good leadoff hitter's should be at.

Oh, Billy. Billy Billy Billy. You've already screwed up. The real Joe would have talked about how Soriano can steal bases and make things happen. The real Joe would never admit that there is such a thing as "on-base percentage," because the real Joe thinks "on-base percentage" is a made-up stat relating to Quidditch matches. The real Joe could not recall off-hand two teams Soriano has played for, much less their managers. This is far too good an answer. Ease off.

John (Toledo, OH): The Royals got back to back complete games from Bannister and Greinke, if they keep pitching well, are the Royals a .500 team? Are things finally turning around?

Joe Morgan: Things are turning around. They are getting better players there, and therefore they will play better. .500 is definitely a possibility for the Royals this year.

Dude. The first two sentences are reasonable facsimiles of what I'm sure Joe said. But. I know you want to make Joe look good, because your Pa told you lots of great stories of watching him hit when he, your Pa, was growing up in Edgewood KY and he'd skip school to go to Reds' games and watch Joe hit. But when you read Joe this question, and he said:

"Well I haven't really seen the Royals play enough to know. But they have been bad for a long time and maybe now they'll be good. It will all start with their pitching. You can't win without pitching. But there aren't any great teams out there, so maybe they have a chance. But I haven't seen them play enough to know if they can win on a consistent basis."

you should've just typed that. Don't have him make an actual prediction that makes it seem in any way that he has any idea what kind of season the Royals will have.

I'm going to suggest you go ahead and let Joe answer the next one, to remind yourself of his characteristic tone and style.

Jeff (Columbus, OH): Joe, what effect do losses like the ones the Indians have suffered against the Angels and Red Sox have on the team? As a manager, can you keep sending a closer out there that no one (other than yourself apparently) has faith in without damaging the team? Thanks

Joe Morgan: Their pitching has not been up to par. Teams like the A's were expected to be last in the west, but they're overachieving right now. The Indians and Tigers are underachieving, so you have to keep things in perspective.

There we go. Doesn't answer the question, makes a weird comment about the A's overachieving (and "teams like the A's [being] expected to be last in the west," which = ???), then drags the Tigers into it, and never mentions the issue of Borowski at all. There's your template, Bill.

Michael (Orlando, Florida): Hey Joe I love listening to you call games. What do you think we can expect from the Atlanta Braves this year. Do you think that we just dont have enough starting pitching. We know we will score runs. I think they already have seven 1 run losses this season.

For this answer, I'm going to put this symbol:

!!!

when I think Joe actually said or typed something, and this symbol:

???

when I think it was Bill Fremp of Edgewood, KY. The symbols will follow the text in question.

Joe Morgan: I'm actually surprised at the Braves. (!!!) I thought they would sneak up on the Mets and Phillies, and they still may. (!!!) They are a team you have to contend with. (!!!) Their defense is a little suspect overall, (???) although I must say I love Yunel Escobar (????????) as a shortstop. Their starting pitching needs to be better, (!!!) as it puts pressure on a mediocre bullpen. (???) Starting pitching is still the key to a pitching staff, (!!!) because they get you deep into the games so you can set up your rotation (!!!) of relievers (!!!!!!!!) to your advantage. (!!!!!!!!!!) You need innings from your starting pitching. (!!!)

All in all, I guess Joe said most of that. But there's no way he knows that Yunel Escobar is their SS, or that he's good, or how to spell his name.

Joe (Toronto): Last week you said Hanley Ramirez was the most productive player in the league. He doesn't lead in any major statistical categories, so why do you think that?

This is what we in the business of baiting Joe Morgan call: JoeBaiting. It's a reference to the last JoeChat, wherein Bill Fremp totally gave away that someone else was helping Joe with these chats when he declared that H-Ram was the best offensive player in the NL last year, and insinuated (in so many words, if you read between the lines) that he was using something like VORP to make such a decision. Thus, my buddy Joe here is trying to dig a little, to maybe find out whether Joe indeed was shown a VORP chart or something. Let's see what happens. It's exciting, isn't it, America?

America: (in unison) No.

Joe Morgan: If you consider everything---power, speed, defense, batting average, on-base percentage, RBIs, runs scored--then he comes out on top.

So far, so bad, for VORPies like me. Seems like Joe is using "traditional" stats. But wait...

Look at it from that perspective. Plus, he plays the toughest position on the field.

Could this be a coded message from Bill Fremp, of Edgewood, KY? Obviously, VORP is somewhat dependent on a player's position, as it is easier to replace a LF's production than a SS's. I think there's a chance Bill is trying to send us a message, that he is out there, somewhere, typing away. I'm here, he's saying. I'm at the keyboard. I can't speak out loud. He'll hear me. Help me.

SprungOnSports (Long Island): With Randy Johnson putting out a good start, and Webb and Haren making a great 1-2 how much do you like the Diamondbacks right now?

Joe Morgan: I was already a big fan of the D-backs before Johnson's outing, but you have to wait to see how he bounces back from this outing. But Johnson will not win or lose the division for them--they won it last year without him, and their young players are getting better. I like them even if Johnson doesn't pitch well. They were outscored by their opponents last year--that will not happen again this year. Justin Upton looks like the next Albert Pujols.

Joe Morgan citing RS/RA? No way. Joe knowing who Justin Upton is, and comparing him to anyone but Gary Sheffield? Iffy.

Joe Morgan: Thanks for your questions, and I'll see you next week at 10:30!

Joe knowing when his next chat is, down to the minute? Forget it.

I'm on to you, Fremp.

Labels: bill fremp, joe morgan, joechat

It is one of the rules of blogging that the more individual posts you make, the higher the traffic will be to your blog. Unfortunately for the investors of firejoemorgan.com, (Bear Stearns, Countrywide Home Mortgage, Qwest, Northrop Grumman, Lockheed Martin, Raytheon, General Dynamics, KBR, The National Iranian Oil Company, and Fremulon Insurance), we don't really understand those rules. Thus, I am now going to combine the last like four JoeChats into one monster "Best of July" JoeChat that will be long, dense, and unfun for everyone.

Ready?! Awesome!

Joe Morgan: Last week's interleague play, with the White Sox and the Cubs, was very telling. Home field means a lot; both teams were much more comfortable at home. I never thought home field was such a big deal when it came to good teams, but I found out differently.

I'm not going to make it. I'll never get through the marathon JoeChat. Go on without me. Tell my wife I love her.

Frank (Rockmart, GA): Do you think the NL East is wide open, or will the Phillies find some consistency soon and begin to pull away from the pack?

Since right away I can tell everyone ignored my suggestion to stop JoeBaiting, let's go with the flow and count the JoeBaits. This "consistency" is: 1.

Joe Morgan: I think it is wide open because all the team have weaknesses.

No perfect teams. Teams have weaknesses. 1975. Tony Perez. There: I just gave you all the answers you will find in this JoeChat.

The Phillies starting pitching needs help, as does the Mets' pitching and they need consistent offense as well. And the Braves I just cannot read; they lose close games and are not consistent.

It's amazing, isn't it, folks? We're like 4 years in to this grand experiment we call "JoeChats," and the issues we face are the exact same ones we faced in 2005. Consistency, indeed.

It is wide open and the team that plays well on the road will win it. The Marlins are a group of young guys, who is they get hot will be able to stay on a streak longer than the other team because they are so young.

[yikes]

Frank : The home team in the Rays-Red Sox series has consistently come out on top.

2.

Do you look for that trend too continue? Are the Rays going to the World Series?

Joe Morgan: I think it will continue. Like I said, it seems like home field has become more and more important. It seems like teams just play better at home. [...]

A fact somehow unique to baseball in 2008.

Brad(NM): Hey Joe..not many are talking about what a great season Oakland's having due to the success of the Rays and Cards and such. Do you give them a chance at winning the West? Where does their pitching staff rank in the league?

Joe Morgan: They have a chance, because when you look at the Angels their offense is down.

Side note: you know what's amazing? The Angels and A's, three weeks after Joe wrote this, have almost the exact same run differential, and the Angels are 12 games up. The Cubbies are +72 over the Brewcrew and they're tied. Pretty incredible.

If they had better offense they would be farther ahead at this point.

A fact somehow unique to the 2008 Angels, apparently.

So I think the A's have a great shot at winning the West, unless the Angels start hitting.

Angels: still not hitting that well. A's: almost no chance at winning the West.

You are right that the A's are flying under the radar, and that may be because the Rays have a bit of a better team and are leading their division. But the A's have the tools to get it done.

Hindsight = fun.

Kent Remendeaux (Oscenns City):

I'm flattered.

Hi Joe, love your work. Can Delmon Young start hitting more consistently

3.

and help the Twins overtake the White Sox and hold off the Tigers?

Joe Morgan: I have to admit I am shocked at his lack of power and production. Usually when a guys [sic] has a good first year you expect them [sic] to get better. Of course he had to adjust, in leaving Tampa, but we are far enough into the season that he should be coming around. There is something missing there right now. I still think he is one of the next stars of the AL, but I thought he would be further along at this point.

PECOTA's 50th percentile had Young at .288/.323/.445. 15 HR and 32 2B. Projected totals: .297/.338/.400. 6 HR, 29 2B. So, his HR numbers are down, but otherwise it's pretty close. And remember: he's 22.

The Twins will need him if they are to catch the White Sox. As far as the Tigers, they are on a thin rope, because if they have another bad stretch they are finished.

Can you be "on" a "thin rope?" You can be on a tightrope, and you can be on thin ice. I'm not sure you can be on a thin rope.

I am watching Gladiator right now. The accent work in this Oscar™-winning movie is truly terrible. Joaquin Phoenix sounds like a geeky high school kid reciting Monty Python sketches.

Joe Morgan: That is all the time I have for today. Thank you for all the questions. We'll chat again next week.

No. You will chat with me again right fucking now.

Joe Morgan: I think the addition of CC Sabathia to the Brewers will be the big difference-maker in the NL Central. If you're the Cubs, you need to fear the Brewers more than anyone else in that division. They may need to make a move in response.

Kudos to Big Joe on this one. Unless the Harden trade had already happened, and he just hadn't heard about it.

Blueberry Johnson (NY): Hey Joe! Any opinions on allstar selections? Biggest snubs?

I am going to label "Blueberry Johnson" JoeBait #4, because: Blueberry Johnson?!

Joe Morgan: I would say there are a few things that jump out at me. Ian Kinsler probably deserves to start over Pedroia, though Perdroia has had an excellent hot streak recently. [...]

"Perdroia?" It's pronounced: "Pedroierr."

Sam (Lake Bluff, IL): Joe, how many more wins does Sabathia give the Brewers? I know he was the biggest difference maker on the market, but how much of a difference does he really make in the standings?

Joe Morgan: It's hard to say that he'll make a difference of, say, ten games, because even if he goes 10-0, someone starting in his spot would have won at least a few of those games. I think his advantage is psychological--he lets the Brewers know that they can match up pitcher for pitcher with anyone. It energizes the whole Brewer franchise.

He also strikes people out and pitches well. That's another advantage he gives the Brewers. Seriously -- how did this movie win an Oscar? It's like a community theater Shakespeare play with one good actor and decent special effects.

Steve (New York): Joe, you did the Yankee game last Sunday, what were your thoughts on Joba Chamberlain?

Joe Morgan: He threw the ball well. I saw a guy who was quickly gaining major league starting experience. You have to remember, the Red Sox make hitting adjustments well, and aside from that one bad inning, he controlled them very well.

Questions for learning:

1. According to the text, how did Joba Chamberlain throw the ball?

(A. "Well.")

2. How do the Red Sox make hitting adjustements?

(A. "Well.")

3. How did Joba Chamberlain, aside from one bad inning, control the Red Sox?

(A. "Well.")

Corey: (Philadelphia, PA): Joe: What do you think of the Braves decision to put Francoeur in AA for a couple of games? Do you think Francoeur deserved the benefit of the doubt and just try to fix it at the big league level, rather than just being demoted that quickly?

Joe Morgan: I cannot go along with that decision to send him to the minor leagues. Jeff Francouer lives in that area,

Not a consideration.

has played well for that team for the last three years,

Kind of a consideration.

and drove in a hundred runs last year.

Maybe a consideration, in that he has been a pretty good hitter, but RsBI isn't maybe the best way to show that.

You have guys like Ryan Howard and David Ortiz batting under .200 for much of the season.

The last time Ortiz was under .200 was May 2. He followed that up with a month of 1.026 OPS. On the day he was sent down, Francoeur had a .287 OBP and was 7-his last-52. And he's 24. Sending him down to work on his swing wasn't an insane idea.

I did not like the idea of doing that because it messes with a guy psychologically. You have a hitting instructor in the big leagues--work it out with him!

You also have the minor leagues. Where players can practice baseball without harming the part of the organization that matters.

Andy (St. Louis): Joe, you said the race between the Cubs and Brewers is going to be great to watch, but have you forgotten about the Cardinals?! They are resilient and find ways to win. Ankiel is hot, Pujols is back, and the starting pitching has been excellent compared to original expectations. Do you think they have any chance of contending for the division crown or wild card?

Joe Morgan: You're right, the Cardinals are in that mix. [blah blah blah] We're talking about Sabathia, but if he gets hot and starts hitting like he did last year, that will only give the Brewers yet another shot in the arm.

I am assuming that he is saying that if Sabathia starts hitting "like he did last year," that will help the Brewers. For the record, last year, in a very telling sample size of 3 AB, Sabathia had 2 hits, for a very significant .667 BA. These are important facts that totally matter due to their significance in terms of mathematics, and are highly predictive because of how significant they are.

Three data points is only two more than 1, which is the absolute minimum number of data points a guy can have. (For the ever-growing record, CC is .264/.278/.472 in 53 career AB, which is pretty darned good for a pitcher, and pretty darned irrelevant in terms of the Brewers' chances this year.)

Gladiator is over and I am now watching Airplane II, which -- no joke -- has better acting than Gladiator.

Ben Morgan (Omaha, NE): Joe, as a White Sox fan I'm looking over my shoulder at the Twins and beginning to be a little worried. For a while I kept myself calm by convincing myself they weren't for real and they would cool off but how long can I use this defense mechanism? I think the Sox are for real but I'm starting to think this is more than just a hot streak for Minnesota. Thoughts?

The Twins are kind of a smoke-and-mirrors team. They're in the middle of the pack of most offensive and pitching categories, they're dead last in the AL in HR, and are only +21 in run differential. They've started to come back down to earth, predictably, since this chat took place, going 3-6 in their last nine games. Detroit has a better run differential, but are 4 games behind the Twinkies -- my guess is, as time goes on, here, Minnesota idles or fades, and Detroit is the team challenging Chicago for the division.

Joe's guess is: Ron Gardenhire is awesome and every team could win but who knows but we'll see but if things go wrong for a team then they won't win but maybe Chicago?

Joe Morgan: I agree, you should give Minnesota a lot of credit, especially Ron Gardenhire, the manager. He knows how to handle young players and they play hard for him. When I watched Minnesota play last night against Boston, I realized that this team is for real. It's going to go down to the wire with the White Sox and Twins. Detroit could be in it, but if anything goes wrong, they are finished. But I still like Chicago to win the division.

See?

Joe Morgan: In closing, I have never fel that the All-Star game winners should get home field advantage in the Series.

I agree.

It's an exhibition and not fair to the team in the Series.

Amen.

The best way to do it is to alternate it year by year.

...sorry?

That's the best way to do it? Randomly-declared oscillation?

Not, you know, who had the best record? Which might make teams play hard all the way through the end of the season? Which might make otherwise meaningless games in late September incredibly meaningful? Which means the greatest prize would meritocratically be awarded to the team who performed the best?

The best way to do it is to ignore the results of the sport you are playing in favor of a metronomic inevitability?

'kay.

This is more of a made for TV thing, and yet we still ended up with a tie once. I never lost an All-Star game when I was playing, so I don't think that should be the way you judge home-field advantage.

Yorps. This last part doesn't even make sense.

Let's keep it rolling!!!!!

Buzzmaster: We've got Joe!

Still!

Jacob (FL): Joe, you gotta feel for Dan Uggla after his performance last night. Could that affect him for the rest of the season?

Uggla since the break: 1-25, for a tidy .332 OPS. This is almost certainly the result of making those errors (which ended up not affecting the outcome of the game in any way) and not a random 25-AB fluctuation in the middle of the season. Because MLB players are frail little babies who never recover from things like non-game-affecting errors in stupid exhibition contests.

Joe Morgan: I definitely feel for him. I certainly hope it does not affect him, but we (meaning fans and media) will have an effect on how he handles the rest of the season. If we continue to bring it up and talk about it, it will be tough for him to deal with. The last error was a tough ball, as it jumped up at him, but it's obvious he was nervous out there, and understandably. It showed in his play.

I don't know. Maybe he was nervous. But maybe he just had a shitty night. He's never been Orlando Hudson out there at second. Give him a break.

These are now "comments" instead of "jokes." I think I'm dehydrated. I need a Joe I.V.

Chris. P (NY): What are the Chances of Bonds being a Yankee? Cashmen could of said No but he didnt. How well can Bonds do at Yankee Stadium?

I hate to be "this guy," but it delights me how many dumbdumb errors Chris P. (NY) made. He doesn't even know how to spell the name of his own GM. Because the Yankees are about to swarm all over everyone and win the East as Manny Ramirez claims that the Red Sox have never respected him and that they should give him $40m more when he asks out of a game against the Yankees in late July with a mysterious knee ailment, I am going to exact petty revenge by reprinting Chris. P (NY)'s question with [sic]s.

Chris. [sic] P [sic] (NY): What are the Chances [sic] of Bonds being [sic] a Yankee? Cashmen [sic] could of [sic] said No [sic] but he didnt [sic]. How well can [sic] Bonds do at Yankee Stadium?

God, that felt good.

Joe Morgan: As great a player as he has been, you can't say how well he would do this year because he hasn't had spring training, hasn't had live pitching to hit against, and hasn't played period. [...] I'm not sure why Barry wants to play, since playing less than half a season would make him a hired gun, and his place in the history of the game is better than a hired gun.

This...this is why we do what we do.

Barry Bonds shouldn't come back this year...because it would tarnish his reputation?

Barry Bonds.

Being a "hired gun" would tarnish.

his repu.

tation.

Here are things that could tarnish Barry Bonds's reputation, at this point:

1. Committing double murder of Tom Brokaw and Dame Judi Dench
2. Defecting to Afghanistan, joining Taliban, leading Afghan baseball team to Gold medal over American team in Beijing
3. Running high-end dog fighting ring where the dog fights take place on Princess Diana's grave
4. Inventing time travel but instead of traveling back in time to kill Hitler using it to go back to 1989 in order to start taking steroids earlier than he originally did

Things that will not make a motherfletching dent in Barry Bonds's reputation:

1. Being labeled a "hired gun" by playing for the Yankees

Joe Morgan: I think Clint Hurdle and Terry Francona managed the game very well last night, trying to win the ballgame instead of just making sure the players got in. Winning should be the first priority. Thanks a lot, everyone!

Thank you! Let's keep going!!!!

Andy (Grand Rapids, MI): Do you think the Tiger's can still win the Division?

Joe Morgan: Well they can still win it but they cannot have anymore 4-5 games losing streaks. They are on a thin line right now.

Can you be "on a thin line?" You can be on thin ice, you can be on a tightrope, there can be a thin line between love and hate, there can be a thin blue line or a thin red line, you can be on the red line, the orange line, the green line, or the blue line, but I'm not sure you can be "on a thin line."

The Marlins are leading the Cubbies 6-5 in the 6th (it is now the next day -- that's how long this JoeChatMarathon is) and Alfonso Soriano just popped up to second after a leadof single, shattering his bat so violently and horrifyingly I was sure all eight Marlins were going to be found dead with maple spikes in their foreheads. Something should maybe be done about these bats.

Blueberry Johnson (NY): Joe, Texas has been outscored by 33 runs this year. Yet, they are still have a .520 winning percentage. How are they doing it?

Joe Morgan: I think run differential is just a stat that does not mean a lot. Look at what the Dbacks did last year. Run differential is a deceptive stat.

First of all, a hearty "Welcome Back!!!" to Blueberry Johnson. How have you been, man? Great to hear from you again. I was not sure you were going to ask another question, since you are a fictional character from a children's story.

Second of all: Yes, good work, a stat that shows you how many runs you have scored versus how many runs you have allowed does not mean a lot. You know what does mean a lot? Team triples. If your team is tripling a lot, that means your guys are hustling, and you will win a lot. Just ask Arizona and San Francisco!

By no means look at run differential. If you did, you would see that the divisional leaders in run differential are all either in first place or within 1.5 games of first place, except for Oakland. Don't look at last year, either, because you'll accidentally learn that 4 division winners led their division in run differential. The Phillies were only 6 behind the Braves, and Arizona pulled one of the flukiest seasons ever (-20), somehow finishing ahead of the +101 Rockies, who then went to the World Series.

Just because there are quirks and occasional exceptions doesn't mean a stat is "deceptive." You don't have to be a genius to understand that the number of runs a team scores, and the number of runs it allows, is probably a pretty good indicator of how good the team is and how well it has played.

DLee just went yard to tie it up. That guy is awesome.

Fred (Montgomery Village): Joe, The Phillies have been doing pretty good without everyone hitting at the same time (Rollins, Utley, Howard, Burrell). How good will this team be once they all hit at the same time?

Joe Morgan: Well we are deep into the the season and they all hit well to get the lead and now they are not all hitting. Now they may not all start hitting at the same time, and even if they do they still need better pitching and bullpen support.

Opposite of analysis. The exact opposite of analysis. The platonic ideal of "nothing."

Jim Edmonds just tried to bunt a guy to second, in a suddenly-tie-game in the seventh with nobody out and DeRosa and Fukudome behind him. Jim Edmonds, in his career, has 7584 total plate appearances and 10 sac bunts. And a .933 OPS in his last 50 games. Good call, Lou.

DeRosa walks, Fuku pops up. If the Cubbies don't take the lead here, you'll know why.

Jordan (Slinger, WI): Joe: The Brewers are in the midst of a series with St. Louis right now, and have a series with the Cubs at the end of the month. Come August, who will be on top of the division?

Joe Morgan: I still think the team that is on top now, is still the team that will be on top later. The Cubs may be able to gain a few games here with the Brewers and Cards playing each other now. But when the Cubs are on the road they are not near the best team in the NL. It is a three team race, and will be right down to the wire. It is really hard to tell. Two weeks ago I thought it would be the Brewers, but teams go through spells.

It's time for the game where we take a 100-word answer from Joe and boil it down to its essence.

Jordan: Who wins the Central?
Joe: One of the teams in the Central.

SprungOnSporks (Longer Island): The Twins are 23-9 in their last 32 games. Can they keep it up and catch the ChiSox?

Joe Morgan: Well they are only a half game behind, so I think they already caught them in some ways. But it will be very hard to keep playing that type of baseball, winning 23 out of 32. I think they can win the division, but everyone in the division is looking back at Detroit at this point. I think it is going to come down to a three-team race as the season comes to a close.

"SprungOnSporks" has to be a JoeBait, or a shout-out, or something, and I appreciate it. Also:

Q. Who wins the A.L. Central?
A. One of the teams. Same as the N.L. Central.

Wild pitch to Daryle Ward. Both runners move up. Now they're walking Ward to load the bases. Wouldn't you love to have that out back, Lou?

Brian (Chicago): Do you think Francisco Liriano should be brought up, or do you think it will hurt the chemistry the Twins have created?

Joe Morgan: It will not hurt the chemistry because he is a pitcher. [...]

He's also quite good, and I haven't heard anything about how he's a terrible dude or anything, and also: you seriously wouldn't bring an awesome starting pitcher up because of completely unfounded "chemistry" concerns, Brian? You think Livan Hernandez is going to keep winning games with a 1.60 WHIP and the league hitting .332 against him? Really?

Mike Fontenot's bases-clearing double gets Jim Edmonds stupid bunt attempt off the hook. Reason and logic take another one on the chin.

Joe Morgan: I think we are going to see a lot of close races here in the second half of the season that come down to the very end. A lot of teams can win and many of these races will come down to which team gets hot at the right time.

Opposite of good.

Catch your breath everyone. We're done.

Labels: airplane ii, all-star game, barry bonds, blueberry johnson, bunting, gladiator, jim edmonds, joechat, joechat marathon, platonic ideal of "nothing", run differential, twins